I would be far much to tedious a task to describe every fault incurred over our 10 year marriage. But I will say as most, we both had our faults.  Some more readily apparent then others.   But they were forgivable. Or at the time at least I thought. This coupled with the idea of not wanting to jeopardize a strong start to a military career was also at the forefront of my mind.  She was a heavy drinker, and I was tolerant.  She played the whole “I want to be in charge” role, and I succumbed to that as well. I am sure I had my flaws, but, sometimes the mirror we look at just doesn’t yield an accurate reflection. It is only now, upon looking back , that I realize how much I truly detested the whole concept and institution of marriage.

Fast forward. 10 years and 3 children later. The end came not abruptly, but subtly, and deceptively. First there were the arguments, over petty nonsense. These mostly ended with her storming out of the home gone at all hours of the day/night. This progressively worsened to where for some time, she simply didn’t even sleep in the same bed. No hugs, no kisses, no affection, whatsoever.  I would begin to worry.  Such to the point that I even engaged the Chaplin as to what could possibly drive someone to act in such a manner. If one knows of my character, seeking the help of a Military Chaplain is akin to gazing for answers in a crystal ball. Religion just isn’t my cup of tea. But, at that point I was desperate, and dumb for answers.

Matters would eventually worsen, twice she tried to have me arrested, once for “domestic violence” and the second for “Attempted Rape”.. now, mind you, I’ve been blessed to never see the backside of prison/jail cell. Speaking quite frankly, I’m a Black, albeit young Mail. Traditionally in court, any kind of rap sheet with the addition of violent charges is a mixture not conducive to one’s own success or well being. Furthermore, anyone that is even remotely aware of the term “Ike and Tina” knows that it is perfectly possible for a Husband to “Rape” his wife.  Suffice to say, both of the charges were thrown out.  One because it makes no sense to attempt to assault someone when the apparent assailant is the one locking themselves in the room, with the only other alternative exit leaving out. My second saving grace was written documentation by the Chaplain explaining the “Attempted Rape”. In short, I would get teased, but be given no… satisfaction from my better half.

Six months into the madness.. I still didn’t understand what was going on. Then again, I realize all the signs were there, but I was in too much disbelief to accept my own judgement. Back and forth to court. Not even the simplest show of affection, or explanation for that manner. After going back and forth with our military units regarding the matter, it came time for us to move yet again. This meant me loosing yet another decent job and having to settle. We were moving to Oklahoma. I shunned at the idea, as I am IT by trade, Network Security/Analyst, I didn’t see Oklahoma as having an abundance of jobs in that field. However, on the morning of our first day there, she tells, she is pregnant…to most that would be a joyous occasion, unfortunately for me, I haven’t been able to conceive children for the past 7 years. Everything now makes perfect sense.

And behold, I tried once more to be the better man.  To be willing to put it all to the side and suck it the f*ck up. For I had three other children to think about.  A fourth,  undoubtedly of my own blood, would simply have to be cared for.  I asked myself how many other men in the world endure the same, but simply unknowing? Or, sure, it is a mistake, but either we can let the situation define us, or defeat us. I was determined to hang-on, as I didn’t want to seem like the stereotypical dead beat dad which was out of his children lives before they were old enough to understand. I had to endure that as  a child.  And even though I would later reconnect with my dad, I never asked him why. There was no need, he seemed intelligent, professional, and highly respected and regarded in his field. I was sure that whatever reason he had, it was suffice.

But what brought about the end, maybe eight months into this madness, is in driving down the freeway. I thought I would take the wife out so we could discover Oklahoma and it’s resources.  We were debating on what to name the child.  And I asked, that in the end, we would just be honest if we were asked, by the child, and about the child by anyone. For I knew in my heart of hearts that it would serve as a constant reminder of all the stupidity we were capable of. It was at the time that my then wife then said”You’re acting like a bitch”… and something broke. Something deep down inside of me welled up… something I had long was long since burried. It was an aggression learned on the battlefield, but quickly tucked away when you return to civil society.  And at 90 m.p.h in the middle of the highway, I stood on my brakes sliding my Nissan Armada  some 60 feet across the highway. I then looked at her, and told her “GET THE F*CK OUT!!!” . Suffice to say, I had enough.

Long story short, I would watch her give birth to that child. It’s funny, it’s almost like you are having an out of body experience watching “Your” wife give birth to someone elses child.  I doubt the father knows of the childs existence. I would also find out that my father, had left my mother for the same reasons.. I guess sometimes irony isn’t funny at all.

In the end however, I sit here in Europe, I have a decent six-figure job, and a bunch of thirsty woman of my choosing if I wanted.  And yet, they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more.

I am Binary Logic.. and this is my story…

Secondly, have no doubt that you are a man.  You struggled to keep your family together while your ex did everything she could to tear it apart.  This is what men do.  We struggle against adversity in the hope that all of our efforts will pay off.  Your efforts did pay off.  You got out of the relationship with your integrity and freedom intact.

Third.  Consider counseling.  You have been in a real fight for several years and it sounds like it has taken its toll. 

Binary Logic wrote:

they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more.

  This lack of interest in pleasurable things is a hallmark of depression and PTSD.  After all that you have been through, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

Fourth.  Forgive yourself.  The things that are done to us don’t make us who we are.  The abused (sexually, physically, emotionally) child accepts the shame for what it has experienced.  This intellectual and emotional response is equally true for adults.  There is no shame in fighting and loosing.  But again, I must point out that you did not loose your integrity and freedom.  Instead, feel sorrow for the one that has done you wrong and forgive them also.  By forgiving her you can let go of the bitterness and anger that have accumulated over the years.  Can a person as ugly as this ever be truly happy?  The most that this person can ever be entitled to from you is your pity.

Thank you for sharing your story.  Stories have chapters and you are starting a new one.  What would you name the title of this one?

Welcome to MGTOW Binary Logic.  You are free.

I’ve been blessed to never see the backside of prison/jail cell

You know there is something deeply sick and wrong with the world when a man is THANKFUL he never went to jail for something he didn’t do. Just thinking about that reveals how sick that really is. “Whew !! I was falsely accused, but SO THANKFUL i never went to prison. I count my blessings.”. Men are grateful for something that didn’t happen – which shouldn’t even be POSSIBLE in the first place.

Binary Logic wrote:

”You’re acting like a bitch”

A very telling comment coming from a woman. That comment is not an insult to YOU, it’s an insult to herself. If acting like a bitch is such a problem, why the f~~~ would she go out of her way to do it herself? A woman who projects that s~~~ just gave herself away:

http://www.mgtow.com/video/how-not-to-be-a-simp/

Binary Logic wrote:

In the end however, I sit here in Europe, I have a decent six-figure job, and a bunch of thirsty woman of my choosing if I wanted. And yet, they simply don’t seem to understand why I have no interest in anything more. I am Binary Logic.. and this is my story…

I was finally relieved you finished on a positive note and things are looking up for you.
Thanks for telling your story and joining. Welcome to MGTOW.

You’re not a one-off example. Not even close. Hope you’ll find some solace in that.

Thanks for the sound advice battle. Maybe I am a little more war-torn then I realized. For the most part, and for quite some time, I’ve often debated with myself as to what part of my reaction/current character is a result of the f~~~ery/ ass-clownary I had to endure. I had come to the conclusion that the end result was a type of “Inception effect”, as I have found it increasingly difficult to discern who I truly am, vs. what I have become as a result of the madness I had to endure.

To expand just on my comment just a bit.. I do take pleasure in physical attention, hell, what man wouldn’t. But when looking at woman, the first thing that crosses my mind is “I wonder how it would be”, almost immediately followed by ” I wonder why kind of b.s. I’ll have to endure”, I then regress. I still find joy in the little things.  Riding motorcycles, fast cars, trying weird food. Hell, I even enjoy my job, as it allows for my mind to be preoccupied with an endless supply of complex technical problems. I guess woman in general, I don’t partake in psycho-drama. LOL.

I will heed your words though, Heaven knows every Medic I’ve ran into has been pretty dead-on in advice. Tango-Mike.

On the part about moving on, I recently started travelling solo. I never would have imagined the great experiences I have stumbled upon, truly amazing… Travel with no expectations, an open heart and mind, and the opportunities are limitless… Enjoy your freedom and best of luck.

Hello Binarylogic, sorry to hear about your misfortune. This is a great place to talk about it with people who understand. It is a difficult experience being falsely charged by a partner, and it seems that society is only concerned with, or aware of, the violence supposedly committed against women and children. So when a male is accused of anything, we are just considered guilty and labelled the bad guy. Women need to be held responsible for their paternity fraud and false accusations….. Another great reminder to go your own way. On the part about moving on, I recently started travelling solo. I never would have imagined the great experiences I have stumbled upon, truly amazing… Travel with no expectations, an open heart and mind, and the opportunities are limitless… Enjoy your freedom and best of luck.

BulletDodger, traveling does seem a bit therapeutic in it’s own right.  I’ve been to a few places since my ordeal, and I will be the first to tell you that you see the world through a totally different set of eyes when you are exposed to the rest of the world. It’s quite humbling. Furthermore, I found that it’s NOTHING like the movies, were you just go to a different country and everything is sheer bliss. LOL. One must learn the language, still deal with discrimination, as well as some pretty positive effects. I’m fortunate to have experienced more good than bad the world over.

Thanks for acknowledging my presence, hope you day fares well.