Long, Beware, but I'm old, and been through a lot.

[qeeqoParticipant 1168]

In the mid 70’s, and seventeen I fell head over heals with a girl from Canada. We only dated for about 3 months before she flipped on a whim to her basketball coach. At seventeen that’s what kids do. Her family was friends with ours, and decided to repatriate. She on the other hand decided to finish high school here, and needed a place to sta., My parents offered to let her stay with us. I was really excited because I thought it may be a chance to win her back. What it was in reality was an opportunity for her to shove it in my face. I came home late at night on numerous occasions to find her in the living room making out with her boyfriend. She didn’t have the decency to move it to a more private place.

Next, I was setup with one of the most angry humans, I’ve ever encountered. I shacked up with her for 9 months. After the first month, everyday was a screaming match. When she ended it I was just grateful for peace and quiet.

3 or 4 more flips on a whim. From hot to cold in 3 seconds flat.

The next one I married. NEVER EVER, EVER PLACE YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE A FEMALE COULD FINANCIALLY BENEFIT FROM YOUR DEATH!!!! EVER!!!! A little history. My dad became a pharmaceutical rep when I was 5. In my mid teens a bright neighbor across the street was rummaging around his samples, and discovered ativan. We tried it out for a couple weeks, and he stopped… I didn’t, and unfortunately my dad had cases, and cases of this s~~~ in his garage. I got to the point that I was able to take 60 milligrams in a day. When I’d get caught it was cold turkey. You have no idea what that experience is like. My parents were beside themselves. I moved to a Ranch in New Mexico to do missionary work to essentially save myself, and it took 9 months to feel right again. I spent the rest of my 20’s, and 30’s sober, and was loving life. I worked in a hospital warehouse.

There was a nurse who glommed onto me… co workers said… she’s a nurse, she’s a catch, go for it. I offered up my drug history a few years into the marriage. No big deal because I was sober now. I was severely bullied in the 9th grade, and started having serious bouts of anxiety in my later 30’s for which a shrink put me on clonipin. In my early 40’s I was injured on the job, and placed on hydrocodone, and things deteriorated rapidly. She attended every doctors appointment with me, and I kept ending up on new drugs. I couldn’t even tell you what I was taking. Before I continue something she said long ago haunted me. She was an ICU nurse who told met how morphine would depress peoples respiratory system, and giving them enough to take away the pain could stop them from breathing, but sometimes when you knew they were going to die anyway It was important to give them enough to make them “comfortable”.

Anyway, she became disabled with lupus and other s~~~, and had to quit her job and went on disability. It was straight downhill from there. Several years earlier we had taken out $250,000 in life insurance on each other. We used to joke about who would die first so the other could have $250,000 to live on. I was joking, and so was she I thought. We had an arrangement with my shrink that due to my drug history she would be in charge of the dispensation of clonipin, and keep them in a locked box. Her idea of making sure I only took the prescribed dose was to open the lock box, and ask me how many I wanted. I was on 1 milligram of clonipin 3 times a day, and one day she went to the pharmacy with me, and when I saw the dosage 3mg-3 times a day she said, “Score, it’s like hitting the lottery”. I didn’t realize at the time that I was in the real life version of misery, and truly in danger. Let me tell you going from 3 mg of clonipin a day to 9 mg over night is a big deal especially if you don’t have a tolerance for it. I was so out of it I couldn’t see straight. I also had recently had a new drug prescribed on top of ambien to sleep, The thing that saved me, was she left one of her oxycontin on the counter. I saw it, and popped it in my mouth. She was so infuriated that she called group health to get me some drug counseling because she just couldn’t have me stealing her oxycontin.

I went to group health, and the addiction counselor suggested Immediate hospitalization. She spent an entire afternoon trying to wake me up to catch my flight, that’s how far gone I was. I flew to a big city to one of their detox hospitals… How I made it there on my own I have no idea… When she dropped me at the airport she handed me a fist full of clonipin for the road. While I was in the hospital apparently the size of that prescription was flagged, and there was a DEA investigation. I had a male shrink who insisted he did not call it in. All they could determine was that it was a woman’s voice who called it in. I would have been just another overdose, no one would have thought twice about it, and she would have been $250,000 richer.

I spent 3 days in the hospital detoxing on their detox c~~~tail. They told me it was only going to take 3 days, but by that time I was psychotic and insisted on leaving. They begged me to stay telling me that I had no idea what a crisis I was in for if I did this on my own outside of a hospital setting… I know, I know, not a bright idea but I didn’t know how sick I was. I caught a flight home, and she had been out of town while I was in the hospital to see her parents. I remember being actually frightened when she returned especially after her dad dropped her off.

When he left I asked her if she loved me, and she said, “Love you? most of the time I hate your f~~~ing guts”. I followed that up with, “Alrighty then, let’s get divorced”. I spent that night in the guest room. I went in and woke her up, and told her I wasn’t feeling right. She took my pulse, and said, “Your pulse is awfully weak, and thready. Here, let me get you some clonipin… How many would you like?… I just want you to be comfortable”.  F~~~ing Kathy Bates. .

I called my sister, and told her what was going on, and she said, “You need to get out of that f~~~ing house because I think you are in danger”. The next thing I saw was the shocked as s~~~ look on my fathers face as I showed up on his front door with a suitcase. Everyone who saw me were really concerned about me because they said I was gray, and looked like death. I was awake for the next 4 days straight. About 3 days into it, in the middle of the night I started going into DT’s and couldn’t remember the number for an ambulance. I clenched my teeth so hard during a seizure that I broke several teeth.

I had to go remove some possessions at my attorneys behest, and pick up a quilt at my sisters insistence. A sister, and brother rode along as witnesses. It was a quilt my mother made for us. She said, “you can’t have it” because I helped your mom with it. My sister said just take it off the wall and walk out. Of course she called the police, and there was quickly a restraining order. The one that just completely baffled me was she had her attorney also place a restraining order on the life insurance policy until the divorce was settled so I had to continue paying the premiums until then. I told my attorney I think this woman was trying to kill me to get at my life insurance, he said, “The best thing from here on out is to not contest anything, let her have what she want’s and get out as quickly, and inexpensively as you can”. He didn’t even suggest filing charges. I ended up with a tv, a chair, a dresser, a lamp, and an end table. It took me 5 months to be right enough to start looking for work again. I was able to get a job as a nursing assistant in my old hospital.

Next… A gal I met through a dating site… WOW! Now that was one nut job from the get go. One day she tells me she’s pregnant. Not very likely since Kathy Bates pressured me non stop into a vasectomy. She told me that she was going in for an ultrasound which I insisted on attending, when she told me I couldn’t, I said, “We’re done here because vasectomy” and walked out. Fortunately there hasn’t been a false paternity suit in the last 10 years, but that doesn’t mean one’s not coming.

Last… and this one is as creepy as the Misery ex. She was someone that my sisters suggested because she was, “Safe” since I’d known her since I was 5 years old. I grew up a couple doors down. They had a family farm about 15 miles away. One night she told me about the “farm thing”, and I asked her what it was. She said it was most likely an evil spirit in an upstairs room that caused some real mischief, and I thought, “OK” until she told me that a female utility worker that was all over billboards because she mysteriously vanished in the 80’s had disappeared next to her farm. I had no idea that was where she went missing. She showed me pictures of a tree that had all kinds of orbs, and a circle of colors around it, this was a hard copy polaroid so it wasn’t photoshopped, a photographic anomaly most likely. She said, “Would you like to see the spot?”  She had had a “premonition” or some such s~~~ that this tree is where this girl might be buried so she took a picture of it one day while “hiking” because she had a strange feeling about the tree, and apparently all the “Supernatural” stuff on the picture lead her to believe this girl might be buried close by. She showed me a number of pics from around the farm that had orbs and other anomalies on them, all hard copies. She took me to the tree at night through all kinds of unmarked backroads into the deep forest. She stopped, got out, and said, “This is the tree”. I’m not sure if I had just looked at the grave site of a long unsolved cold case, and since it was at night, I couldn’t find my way back anyway. She works for the police dept. so I didn’t particularly want to walk into that s~~~ storm. This one really creeped me out so I just stopped calling. A month, and a half later there was a conversation about why I stopped calling. She told me that virtually everything I said to her from beginning to end offended her.

DONE and OUT!!!, Lesson learned… women aren’t safe. That was 9 years ago.

And finally Cindy. My father passed away a year ago. He was a deacon, and someone named Cindy he met from church targeted his charitable nature, and pulled one hell of a con job and elder abuse on him. He was 80 with brain and lung cancer. He had a large lawsuit settlement for a drug that caused him a heart attack. I recently received a statement from his investment firm, and I thought, I had no idea he had that much money. When I called the firm to ask how to access that money they told me that money is not available, it’s already been withdrawn. Apparently it all went to Cindy. No one know’s who this woman really is. My dad bought her a truck, and also let her use his credit card on numerous occasions that apparently she allowed her son to use as well. I didn’t find out about her until  after he was gone. Predators love to isolate, that happened to me in my marriage as well.

Now to the present. I work with all women on my shift who are liberal, and have a higher education than me. I’ve been called to the bosses office on several occasions because I’m too grumpy, and because I had apparently shamed a patient, then he went on to explain women’s psychology, and how it’s really important to show them you care about them, and ask about their lives, and children otherwise it shows you are disconnected, and makes them not want to be around you. I asked the main bully of the shift why I just ended up in the bosses office. She said, “Because you don’t respect our authority, and you are a misogynist, everyone knows it, just ask blah, blah blah. We’ve had a gem from the Ukraine start working on my shift. It wasn’t too long after that she accused me of stalking her because I park on the same level as her in the multilevel employee garage.

I had a heart attack 4 years ago that was pretty bad. No surgery, and the vein was too small to stent. A year ago I started breaking out into a sweat, and felt like I was going into shock when I went into report at the beginning of the shift. I’ve been through every heart test short of a heart cath over the last year and no significant changes. A couple weeks ago the bully started reading report, but started with a letter from the ANM and after about 10 second’s I found myself feeling humiliated because this letter was clearly directed at me, and besides I’d received it in an email so there was no reason to read it at all. This was after several weeks of mild chest pain. The next night I went in to work I was diaphoretic through all of report and had chest pain. I wiped the sweat off my head which then dripped from my hand to the floor, and said I’m having chest pains. I walked to the ER, and was kept for 4 days, and had another heart cath. This will be $3,000 out of my pocket, and as a nursing assistant I don’t have that kind of money laying around.

I have 40% occlusion in my LAD that they couldn’t stent because a branching vein right next to the blockage would have caused a heart attack if they stented it. So I left the hospital poorer, and without resolution. I have a nuclear treadmill tomorrow morning, and don’t see the cardiologist until mid June which she’s most likely going to refer me back to my shrink as anxiety. It was my internist who told me about the relationship between stress and cardiac function, and how taxing stress is on the heart especially a compromised heart. I’ve been on FMLA for two weeks now, and rapidly running out of vacation time. I’ve been walking for 30 minutes every morning to not get too de-conditioned.

I thought about my marriage and how close I came to losing my life. I looked up PTSD… That’s me right down the line. I jump out of my skin at everything especially unexpected noises. It’s time to man up, and go back into the lionesses den tomorrow night. I’m a nursing assistant with pretty severe dyslexia which had hampered keeping up with college work. I’m 56, have been extremely depressed over the last year although a new Lexipro prescription is beginning to help. I still have hellacious anxiety. I’ve been a shut in for the last 9 years. I’ve let my apartment go, and because of a leak in the apartment below, the landlord let herself in, and evicted me because of how messy my apartment is. Not sure where to go from here, just glad I found this place. I’m not comfortable talking to women about what’s going on, the vast majority couldn’t give 2 shakes of a s~~~ anyway besides I haven’t had female friends in quite some time. I’ve got to get as well as I can, and figure out my next step.

[qeeqoParticipant 1168]

Correction, The group health councilor didn’t spend an entire afternoon trying to wake me up to catch a flight to rehab, my ex did.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Like experienced said in another thread, “Congratulations on coming to the right place.”

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[Jackson1888Participant 111]

$250,000 is more then enough for a women to kill you…

[TheGouliatParticipant 20]

Welcome and Congratulations! Not did you manage to escape some Attacks on your life only, you managed to Educate yourself without help. You ARE a survivor. Noone can take this Achievement from you anymore.

[qeeqoParticipant 1168]

Thanks. I found this site because I was actively trying to figure out why I just walked away 9 years ago thinking it’s just not worth it anymore. I took the red pill along time ago before I even knew about the red pill. It’s really bizarre to see the camaraderie, acceptance, and help offered here in contrast to the women I work with who couldn’t give a s~~~ whether I live or die.

[AmbulocetusParticipant 14]

That is some scary assed s~~~.

[qeeqoParticipant 1168]

I was talking to one of my sisters about it today, and she said you were so f~~~ing sick I don’t think you know how close to death you were… Actually I did when I felt a seizure trying to lock down my diaphragm. Another sister who saw me for the first time in several years right after I had gotten out of the hospital had tears start running down her face just from looking at me.

[RedHeadedStrangerParticipant 204]

Whoah.  Unimaginable horror.  Dude, I’m glad you made it this far.  Here’s to your health, bro.  Damn.  Just… unimaginable.

[harpo-my-“SON”Participant 2410]

qeeqo Your story is scary, and I can’t help thinking your not out of danger yet…Your among friends here…Stay alert and vigilant.

I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.

[Vector VikingParticipant 413]

Qeeqo, I’m glad you’re alive and well enough and still have the spine to share your story with us. What you did right there takes real cojones.

There are several of us on here that understand addiction from our own experience. Whichever path you decide to take to keep yourself alive and well, I wish you the best of luck and skill in walking that line. We’re all ultimately here to help each other out while we improve our lives, so don’t ever hesitate to ask for support, encouragement, motivation on here. I’ll gladly share my own tips and techniques that I use to keep myself walking that line, all you have to do is ask.

[VoidraitheParticipant 477]

Glad to have you here, glad that you are still kicking after your ex almost murdered you.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

@qeeqo

That’s some horrifying s~~~.

NEVER EVER, EVER PLACE YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE A FEMALE COULD FINANCIALLY BENEFIT FROM YOUR DEATH!!!! EVER!!!!

Noted!

And THANKS.

This is very difficult to reply to. What can one say? Welcome very much, and thank you for telling your story. I read it with fascination.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

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