Logistical Myopia

[EricParticipant 8]

I’m not sure if this post should be here, or in either the Financial or Careers Forums.

I have been taking a good hard look at my history and staring in the face some brutal truths about my life choices. One of the most poignant is what I have come to term “Logistical Myopia” when I once again found myself in what we laughingly call “a relationship.

The list of occasions is far too long to enumerate here; so let’s just take a look at the last time, shall we?

I was recovering from the previous domestic disaster, which had cost me my business and home, and steadily progressing toward salvaging the remainder of my life. I had even walked away from a casual dating arrangement when the lady in question showed a proclivity for throwing friends and family under the nearest tram, (all in the name of accommodating others, you understand 😉 ). That’s when the last one took the stage.

She had been tossed out on the high road by her ex and his family, had an erroneous order of protection issued by them, and had been generally done over in many of the ways I had. Now, one might suppose that I would ignore the destructive self-inflicted conviction that, having been treated so abominably by others, she would not do likewise. Ah!, but I was Sir Galahad, and such restraint was not in my nature.

Having taken a flat that was beyond her means (against my advice), she asked me to move in and share expenses. I gave up my lodgings and deposit, and joined her in working toward our mutual(??????) objectives. We would take the next two years, get her through graduating from university, plan relocating to where she could launch a new career, and I would solidify my career advancement from there.

And so we did. Turning down career opportunities that would have necessitated my relocating, I remained at a less lucrative position that offered the promise of transfer wherever we might go. While working additional jobs to partially bridge the difference, we kept her on academic schedule, writing many of her course theses myself. At the expense of my own personal and professional networks, I remained available to her at all times, providing the constant stream of reassurance and support she required to recover from her past. Once graduation was upon her, not only was there no plan to relocate, but she was now acknowledging the wisdom of girlfriends regarding the perils of being committed to someone whose career had stagnated.

This is what I am now recognizing as “Logistical Myopia”. I had focused on what she needed in the then-and-there, rather than what we both would need afterwards. At the same time, I refused to recognize that my devotion and support for her needs might, in fact, be repaid with an escalating bill. Rather than dig wells from which I might now draw, and that she would now value, I dug the ones to slake her transitional wants.

This post if neither a bid for sympathy, nor can anyone’s condemnation of me match my own. I hope it may serve as a cautionary tale to the younger lads; one that might shake them into the foresight that I denied myself.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Not to be an ass it’s partly your fault because you gave her too much and didn’t expect that much back. I was just as guility of this but doesn’t excuse her for using you like that. She will never be happy in the end and she will pay the price. If you had to do a lot of the work how the f~~~ is she going to do decent amount of work at her job?

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[ILiveAgainParticipant]

Ah man I so feel for you because I see so much of myself in what you had done.

Logistical Myopia aka Love.

Men …. stupidly do love and will do so at their own expense. Women know this and see our love as weaknesses. They take great advantage of it.

This is why I’ve literally had to train myself to disengage with wo-men on almost every level.

It not our fault we can love but it most certainly is our fault that we don’t see a leech on our backs.

Never again.

[sidecarParticipant 35837]

Eric wrote:

She had been tossed out on the high road by her ex and his family, had an erroneous order of protection issued by them, and had been generally done over in many of the ways I had.

Let me guess: she was the one who explained how the protection order etc. was “erroneous”.

[experiencedParticipant]

It took real b~~~~ for you to share your story. It will do all its readers a ton of good. Thank You.

To paraphrase what BrainPilot said: “~You want to help them, they see this as a form of weakness and then want half, if you agree to their terms they take that, and ultimately cross the finish line by kicking you to the curb. So either allow them to do this or watch them crumble into the wall of aging.”

@brainpilot “Thank You”

 

 

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

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