I was married almost 32 years when my wife passed away. We married young. Two kids, a mortgage, her a stay st home mom that worked if she felt like it, and my role was the breadwinner and her caregiver (she had a lot of health issues) the last 21 years of her life. For the most part, I hated being married. I felt like a trapped, emotionless drone sleep walking through life. I forgot what joy was. I made peace with the fact that this was my existence for the good of my family until I took a dirt nap. The dirt nap thing sounded pretty good at times. I ALWAYS put my wife and children first. As a mother, she was second to none and made a positive impression to whom ever she met. She was a good daughter to her mom, a good sister to her siblings, and a great friend to those in her circle. As a wife, I guess you could say that she was at the low end of average….meaning completely unappreciative of the sacrifices I made to ensure she and the kids had a good life. She never acknowledged it. Like most marriages, sex was something other people did and you know what? I really didn’t care. I was committed to our marriage but the thought of sex with her wasn’t anything I desired anymore. She had this woman’s logic that was a mind f~~~ to me and, pretty much, every day I had to deal with something she heard or read about how things I should have done to show how much I loved her. Or, Oprah had a show on how men should treat their woman or some other s~~~. Occasionally, I reached my limit and would speak my mind (usually very loudly) and put her in her place, but I didn’t like doing that at all. I didn’t like jumping ugly with my wife. The last year of her life, we got along very, very well. Maybe she knew her hourglass was running out of sand…I’m not sure. I held her as she died. My son and daughter (both in their early 30’s) and my saintly mother in law were there as well. Life goes on so I decided to get busy living. Got a motorcycle, did some remodeling of my house, and did a brutal assessment of my life. I also looked into dating. I admit, I did miss the feminine energy that I was so accustomed to so I dipped my toe into the water. The first woman I dated was 10 years younger than me….great cook, wine enthusiast, owned property, and was pretty, fun, and smart. She was also an angry drunk, an emotional terrorist, and a world class bitch when she didn’t get her way. I dumped her after 6 months. And yes, she wanted me back and tried twice to make that happen. I remain friendly with her and we chat every few months or so. She is a good person but a gawd awful girlfriend. The next contestant was a nice Irish girl from Southie. She absolutely ruined me for all other women. She was nurturing and I discovered that I liked that. My mom, my departed wife, and my first dating mistake weren’t ever nurturing. I admit I was very suspicious at first. I’m talking voluntary back rubs, foot rubs, and the sex was the best I ever had. She was Suzy Homemaker. Cooked, cleaned, sewed, and f~~~ed like a porn star. Anytime and anywhere. Seriously. We lasted until she kept asking me about living together which is something that I DIDN’T want. I get that middle aged woman want to plant a flag and stake their claim. But you are not going to do that s~~~ on my property. Then, she gave me an ultimatum. That was a mistake. I think she over estimated the value of her stock. We parted fairly quickly after that. Imagine. Sprinting forward to my present relationship (it ain’t a relations~~~ yet), I have an attractive, sweet, nurturing woman, that has her own house, earns her own money, and makes her own way. We either split the dining out bill or take turns paying for it. We enjoy our time together but understand that we need personal time. I repair things at her house and she cleans my house and cooks. Does she want us to cohabitate? Yes. I think it’s her way to plant a flag. Apparently, she thinks I’m a keeper. She knows I am never getting married again and she doesn’t have an issue with that…..at least that’s what she tells me. I have told her about my marriage experience. She is twice divorced and has shared her stories with me. So, yes. I sleep with the enemy, but I sleep with one eye open. I enjoy having her in my life. She is a happy person, not moody ever, and the most stable woman I’ve ever met. Truth is, if it ended tomorrow, I’d miss her initially but I’d be more than fine. I was looking for a girlfriend when I met her. Make no mistake gentlemen…we are a commodity and our value is rising. Don’t ever forget that.
RedHeadedStranger 4 years, 8 months ago.
