I am loosing my best friend.

[OldBillParticipant]

Eyeswideopen wrote:

I found out that my dad is terminal…

You have my condolences, brother.

My father lasted a little more than two years after his terminal brain tumor diagnosis. You’d think two years would be enough time to come to grips with the situation and prepare yourself for it.

It wasn’t.

There’s never enough time.

Do your best to follow his final wishes, even if that casts you on the role of the bad guy. If he doesn’t want someone around him, so be it. My father knew his physical and mental condition would deteriorate markedly and, as a vain man, he didn’t want people to see him like that. He also knew my mother couldn’t be depended on to keep his last months free of visitors.

He sat down with my mother and myself, explained his wishes, and flatly told her that I would be controlling access to him. She was angry on one level, but relieved on another because she could blame it all on me. I took a sabbatical, moved into the family home, and ruthlessly enforced my father’s last wish.

Nearly thirty years later there are relatives and family friends who are still angry with me. F~~~ them.

One final note, don’t try to predict when his last hours will occur. I had a younger sister living on the West coast during all of this, flying back and forth was expensive. She’d came back during a “false alarm” of sorts a few weeks earlier at our mother’s insistence. The weekend our father died I made a decision late Friday night to “let her have her weekend”. I felt sure he’d last long enough. When Sunday morning came and it was apparent he would die that day, it was too late for her to get to his bedside.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. Tell people if they want to be bedside, they need to bedside as often as possible.

Do not date. Do not impregnate. Do not co-habitate. Above all, do not marry. Reclaim and never again surrender your personal sovereignty.

[Mr.BlueParticipant 614]

Remain present, in the moment. Enjoy every second you can with your pops.

[GregB0Participant]

Eyeswideopen wrote:

I make this post with a heavy heart, from a place lower then I was when my ex left. I found out that my dad is terminal; he has a few short months to live. I just needed a place to vent.

In short, this man is my hero, protector and my best friend.
…..
From a medical standpoint I fully understand the process of dying. I know what to expect. I know he has pain and deteriation in his future. I will be there for him. He shows little fear just a regret that he could not see my nieces and nephews grow. The courage he shows is awe inspiring. He’s more worried about me then his own situation.

I just don’t want to say goodbye.

You never say goodbye as they are always with you.

Mom passed 1/2015 and only had three days of in facility hospice. Dad in 2/2016 and passed at home.

Being with your Father is the most precious gift you can give him and his last gift for you.

You Sir are privileged to have the opportunity to honor and support your Father in his time of greatest need, you will help him pass with dignity and comfort while he will confirm that you are indeed a most wonderful man.

My only regret is that I did not take more time of to be with them both, but the time I had was precious beyond measure.

May both of you find peace during this journey.

God bless you both and may you indeed find him waiting for you after all.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[OneLaneOnlyPlsParticipant 1747]

Was listening to ‘Wide Open’ by The Chemical Brothers when I read this post.

EyesWideOpen, went thru this 11 years ago. First doc said 6 months, second doc said 6 weeks. What he will appreciate the most from you…

Get EVERYTHING out, on the table. Leave nothing behind. Sounds like you have a great relationship with him, unlike mine at times, but I had so much to say in those 6 weeks.

Do the things you love, that he loves, and show him. I took a handycam out onto the golf course. Played a round of gold because thats what he loved the most in life. I would go in the hospital and show him the video. He would actually critique me on my backswing.

I know its hard, but my dad loved a laugh and I’m sure yours does to. Mine was literally p~~~ing himself at some of the jokes and fun times we talked out. All the guests that came too, was epic. One guy spoke at the foot of his bed non-stop for 30 mins, then left. Dad looked me and said ‘who the fk was that?’.

Will be thinking of you over next few weeks.

[EyeswideopenParticipant 2930]

Thank you all for the sound advice; in particular PistolPete, OldVern, OldBill, GregBO to name a few.

I will take it to heart. If I need to vent more I will. He and I will go through his final journey together. I’ve temporarily moved back in with my parents to help – I will see where it leads and to maximize time with dad.

Dad actually got angry with me this afternoon and told me to stop treating him like a child and stop weeping as “he was not dead yet”. He did tell me that he was proud I was his son. That means so much to me.

If I ramble I apologize brothers, it’s been a horrible couple of days.

I do have one nagging question; I’m sure it’s the raw emotions of the situation. While I never want to get married again, never want to live with a women, I wonder who will be there for me when my time comes as I do not have children?

I do have nephews and nieces that are very young and I plan to be a permanent fixture in their life. I never has this fear before but it has been ever present during this time. ( I do realize having children is no guarantee that they will be present when your on deaths journey, due to timing, age, interest and relationship status).

- Marriage is described as an institution. You would have to be crazy to be commited to it. -"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not people or things" Albert Einstein

[goodkid43Spectator 550]

In light of eternal life, dying alone is no big deal. Millions of people have died “alone” on the battlefield, in concentration camps etc. Consider yourself blessed to die in the current circumstances that are light years easier than most of humanity.

God bless, Michael

[Anonymous 18]

Sorry to hear about your dad’s health.

You are encourage to vent/share as much as you need to. We have great quality brothers who will speak from personal experience.

Eyeswideopen wrote:

I wonder who will be there for me when my time comes as I do not have children?

I sense the best answer will be made to you when you look in hindsight.

For now, be there for your dad. Your being there is important because you are his son.

If you are without kids, you have not fathered, raised, and sacrificed for a child and I believe you’d have no expectations of anyone being there for you.

It is less than ideal to not have your own blood and flesh beside you to farewell. But we made that choice.

[Dashing Young DissidentSpectator]

F~~~ man I’m tearing up reading that.

God bless your dad and if you need someone to talk to just PM me dude ANY time. Tell your dad from all of us ‘RESPECT’ and god bless.

[PuniShredderParticipant 2268]

F~~~ F~~~ f~~~ man…Dammit I’m so sorry brother…I don’t do death well at all. I’m strong but I grieve hard but now is NOT the time to do it. If it were me, I’d get on some anti-Depression meds if I couldn’t do it by myself because you’re gonna need all the strength you can muster for your dad during this process. Just be there all the time till the end man. That’s all you can do. Afterward you can crawl into a hole for a month if you need to.

As difficult as this process is, it is part of life and you can bet your ass that your dad is glad it’s him and NOT you. Death never comes for us at the opportune time. At least you get to enjoy some time with him and tell him EVERY Second of EVERY day you love him and appreciate the life he gave you. Many people never get that chance. Hey man, just know we will be here for you when you need to talk.

Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

[Anonymous 12]

OnelaneOnly speaks from my heart:
drag everything out that bugs you, has bugged you and that you would like to learn from him.
probe him to tell you some truth, for things he might need to get off his chest.

Make sure he knows that: You are who you are because of his influence.
Make sure he understands: You will continue your path without him, but with his lessons and his presence in mind. His teachings will bear fruit.

And do not say goodbye.
Just ask him to put a cold one in the fridge “on the other side.”

(throat clogged up)

Good luck and… as wrong as it sounds… enjoy.

[ZerenityParticipant 500]

My condolences for your situation. I hope you can enjoy the remaining time you two have in peace. My thoughts and prayers

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change: Courage to change the things I can: And Wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr 1951

[Billy&The CloneasaurusParticipant]

F~~~ man, that’s rough. You have my sincere condolences.

Your dad sounds like an amazing man. His courage in this situation is inspiring. I hope when my time comes, I can face it with the dignity and bravery of your dad.

The answer, is no.

[Author]

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