I am becoming a loner.

[SpleeferParticipant 958]

The more I go my own way, the more I’m alone. I guess that’s the point right. I’m not talking about feeling alone. I’m talking about my willingness to engage with society and having friends.

I have been monk 10 months. By now most friends who are married never invite me to BBQs anymore, because I’m not gonna get hooked up with their single train wreck sister or friend. I don’t date, go to bars, or put myself in a situation that cultivates an atmosphere of sex. I don’t hang out with blue pill idiots or their women. It just makes me want to punch them in the face. Work and church have blue pill land mines everywhere, so my personal engagement is reduced. I have avoided family members as well. Each month my phone get quieter and quieter. My willingness to mingle in society seems to shrink each month.

Funny thing is that today I am happier than I have been in a decade. My stress level is super low. My relationship with my kids is great too. My health is the best it’s ever been and I hardly drink alcohol anymore.

My concern is that I don’t know if disengaging in society is healthy. I have seen several guys my age ,mid forties, check out the easy way. They isolated themselves then pulled the trigger. Is this good for your long term mental health to go your own way? I figure this is just another red pill lesson for me. I’ve been programmed to believe that single middle aged dudes are crazy lone wolfs, pervs, or mentality unstable. I spent a year purging toxic people from my life. Now i can choose who will enter back in. I figure you guys have seen this play out in your own walk and would give me some good MGTOW perspective.

Spleefer

Galatians 5:1 (KJV) Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

[RhinoParticipant 3477]

You are not alone in this many men including myself have taken your approach as it is logical to do so. Nothing good ever comes from associating with blue pill people and you don’t need validation from them to do whatever you want.

Be happy that you finally found peace and being alone is not the same thing as being lonely you can always find companionship the world is overcrowded with people. Eventually you may even find someone who views the world the same way you do nothing is set in stone.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 24979]

Congratulations on attaining a greater degree of happiness. It’s no accident. Don’t yearn for the plantation. It is all bulls~~~.

Heaven.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I think I agree that it may be unhealthy to completely disengage from all social contact, but it may not be necessary to disengage completely just to avoid the tradcon marriage / dating traps. While our society and women may be set up to harness our instinctual drive to mate, and use that drive to trap and extract resources from us, I think it is still possible to avoid that trap and still participate socially.

There are amateur sports leagues, hobby and trade clubs, fitness clubs, car/motorcycle/boat clubs etc etc etc that allow for social interactions without the state sponsored marriage traps being involved. A kid (everyone under 30 is a kid to me now) told me about some app called ‘Meetup’, or something similarly titled to that effect, that seemed to have been written to help people with all varieties of interests find each other for the pursuits of those interests.

The short answer to your point is: figure out what you enjoy doing, and then seek out the other people doing it. If you don’t know what you would enjoy doing, try a variety of different things with the people who are doing them and then figure out which you enjoyed the most.

This is how I do social interactions without the minefield of romantic interactions…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[Max PowerParticipant 2721]

Brother, I have been a loner for many years now. I have a grown son, great parents and a couple of cool friends, so I have people in my life, but I am still overwhelmingly intentionally alone (no woman at all in my life for 21 years).

I am happy, healthy and best of all, PEACEFUL. I tell you, saying no to people is so easy and awesome, so keep it up. It is my favourite word, and people can’t help but respect me for it.

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous 12]

I’ve always been alone and the fact is we all are. Some just have friends to distract themselves with.

[Anonymous 18]

Spleefer wrote:

Funny thing is that today I am happier than I have been in a decade.

Let’s start here.

Spleefer wrote:

By now most friends who are married never invite me to BBQs anymore

These friends are acting in their best interests ie access to wife poon. The directive to exclude you is the females’ decision. They aren’t your friends really. Just people you used to know.

Spleefer wrote:

Is this good for your long term mental health to go your own way?

It’s not the life you live but the life you want to live that determines happiness. If you are truly content in your company then there’s your answer. Unhappiness stems from unfilled expectations from life. Similarly, your married friends likely have a good proportion that feel real loneliness flipping those burgers and trying to remember the chores selected for them by the women in their lives.

Whenever people shame you for your choices laugh at them.

We are living in a world of slut walks, fat shaming shaming and all for grabs mindset of women lining up in divorce courts.

Be the diamond of Epicureanism in the stink of Debauchery.

And best of all- you got true brothers in arms. Most of us at least. We understand you.

[Nags4CashParticipant 1163]

Going your own way is often misunderstood as an actual act of separation from people, but what really needs to be focused on to achieve the freedom of mgtow is separation from cultural demands and expectations.

I’ll use the people of the fire(financial independence and retire early) movement as an example. They threw aside the idea that you should spend every penny you’re going to make later in life today and instead decided to live so well within their means that they’re retiring at 35 and 40 years old. I actually brought that up to someone today and he said something negative, along the lines that there’s no way they can be happy. That’s the response of someone living inside the cultural rules, he’s a prisoner to what everyone else thinks, and so thinks with them.

Do and think what you want. I’m a loner, but it’s because i’m a loner. Once every few years i’ll check in with old friends, usually all around the same time. Interestingly enough they’ve been fairly accepting of these really random check-ins, but their are plenty of people that would say that it’s unhealthy for me to socialize so little or something. I also have totally random casual sex on tinder, something some people here violently oppose. My point is, i do what makes me happy, but outside of anyone’s expectations including the people i do them with.

You say you’ll let people back in, but almost as if you had difficulty cutting some out to begin with. Why was it hard for you to control your own life?

Murph ~ There is nothing brave or manly about entering into a contract with somebody which allows them to take your money, assets, children, and decades of your future income on a mere whim.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

You didn’t mention how old you are, and that’s a factor.
Your need to socialize is going to be stronger when you’re younger.

I’ve heard it said by the time you’re 40, you’ve probably met ( and interacted with ) every kind of person and personality there is. After a while, other people just aren’t that interesting. Other things become more interesting.

Great minds discuss ideas.
Mediocre minds discuss events.
Simple minds discuss other people.

—-

The reality is, a lot of people CAN’T STAND to be “alone” for a more important reason than they care to admit. Are you ready for it? Here it is…

It’s because –>> THEY DON’T LIKE THEMSELVES.

It’s true. They get uncomfortable being alone with their own thoughts. It terrifies them. But I really loved Robbin Williams’ quote. Whenever my Mom (or anyone) yammers on about growing old and alone, I just say:

—

Thats’ what people who “loner”-shame are not prepared to hear. They are the type of people who want to make you FEEL alone. You’ll be surrounded by them and they will make efforts to have you question your preference for your own company. Just remember. It’s because: THEY DON’T LIKE THEMSELVES.

Something to smile about.
Because you know something they don’t.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Max Power wrote:

I am happy, healthy and best of all, PEACEFUL. I tell you, saying no to people is so easy and awesome

Nodding.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[koolkat5249Participant 16]

I can relate. Everything you said describes me except for the part about contemplating suicide. I’m not saying that you are contemplating suicide nor am I. You made a remark about some of your friends checking out the easy way in their 40’s.

Anyway, the main thing is that you are happy where you are. That is most important. In the past I have been involved in two long term relationships which were deep disappointments to me. Both ended and I am glad. I am best and most happy being single. I have never married, never had children and want neither marriage nor children. I enjoy being alone. I live with a roommate but am looking to get out on my own. Eventually I want to live somewhere far from society like in the mountains or in the woods and just have it all to myself. Peace. Quiet.

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste". The United Negro College Fund

[MorpheusParticipant 2177]

You are not alone. You are only finding quality people to be with. If you want to find friends, don’t except to be like you in most of the ways. Do expect them to have a modicum of common sense though.

[AutoliteParticipant]

Spleefer wrote:

My concern is that I don’t know if disengaging in society is healthy. I have seen several guys my age ,mid forties, check out the easy way. They isolated themselves then pulled the trigger. Is this good for your long term mental health to go your own way?

It depends on your own specific personality type. This is something that you’ll just have to research and sort out for yourself.

I have very little to do with other people but I am most certainly not ‘lonely’. I’m just more comfortable being by myself almost all of the time. But that’s just the way that I’m wired psychologically and I know that about myself. It’s my personality type.

Being alone and isolated can be a problem for people who are not ‘wired’ to be loners. You’ll know eventually whether you are or not. Just don’t force yourself to live a life that is counter to your own personality type and you’ll be fine…

[Anonymous 0]

Spleefer wrote:

The more I go my own way, the more I’m alone. I guess that’s the point right. I’m not talking about feeling alone. I’m talking about my willingness to engage with society and having friends…..

Check out the book “Going Solo: The extraordinary rise and surprising appeal of living alone” by Eric Klinenberg (2012).

Klinenberg is a sociologist, and he has done a lot of research on the issue of people living alone on the country-wide scale. After all, it’s not just a monk/MGTOW thing. For example, 27 percent of households in the US are single people living alone. Europeans tend to live alone even more: That number rises to 47 percent in Sweden. Also, 30% of all people over the age of 65 in the US live alone.

Anyway, the book has lots of different sections about different aspects of living alone. He goes into the kinds of issues you brought up: What’s the difference between being alone in a healthy/content way versus being alone in a way where you wall yourself up in a living tomb. The book also has suggestions for establishing friendship networks for support as you get older, etc. It’s the best overall book I’ve seen on the subject, and it was written pretty recently (2012). So it even has sections on socializing on the Internet (message boards like MGTOW), etc.

Another book on the subject of living alone, but not quite as good: “Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto,” by Anneli Rufus (pub. 2003). It praises the loner’s life, but it’s more a series of essays and doesn’t get into the data and scientific aspects like the first book.

[Branched offParticipant 10923]

Whether or not one is a loner, there is always a requisite element of self sufficiency in any character who is prepared to take a critical look at society and not just follow the herd, who is prepared to accept unfashionable truths and live by them, keeping them to himself to some degree, facing the world for them to some degree.

That self sufficiency makes all MGTOW to some extent alone.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[BeerParticipant 11832]

Nags4Cash wrote:

I’ll use the people of the fire(financial independence and retire early) movement as an example. They threw aside the idea that you should spend every penny you’re going to make later in life today and instead decided to live so well within their means that they’re retiring at 35 and 40 years old. I actually brought that up to someone today and he said something negative, along the lines that there’s no way they can be happy. That’s the response of someone living inside the cultural rules, he’s a prisoner to what everyone else thinks, and so thinks with them.

Welcome to my life. I realized when I was earning about 40k a year and paying cash to go to college part time, as I wanted to avoid student loans at all costs, that I really didn’t need a lot of money to be happy. I’ve more than tripled my income and am not paying for school anymore…but my spending hasn’t really increased noticeably. All the extra just goes to my early retirement fund…I’m shooting to be able to walk away at 40,

I get s~~~ from people who know I make good money all the time for being “cheap.” What am I supposed to go buy a big house to live in alone, and a fancy car, and a bunch of other frivolous s~~~ just to show off that I have money so some financial train wrecks buried in debt don’t call me cheap anymore? No thanks…earning the “respect” of a moron isn’t worth having to work decades more than needed.

koolkat5249 wrote:

Anyway, the main thing is that you are happy where you are. That is most important. In the past I have been involved in two long term relationships which were deep disappointments to me. Both ended and I am glad. I am best and most happy being single.

Its amazing how radical this sounds to so many people. I wanted a girlfriend so bad when I was younger and didn’t know any better lol. I’ve had a couple now…they made me f~~~ing miserable. The only benefit I got from them was sex, and other than that they made my life worse in every way you could imagine. I don’t find dating any fun at all either…its just stress, drama, bulls~~~, and a waste of time and money.

Dating to find a relations~~~ is like crawling over a bed of broken glass just to get smashed in the dick with a baseball bat when you stand up at the end. Why should I do something I get no enjoyment out of when the end result is something I don’t want? I don’t know why its such a shocker for people when I tell them “I’m happy being single.”

[Anonymous 0]

Spleefer wrote:

[…] My concern is that I don’t know if disengaging in society is healthy. I have seen several guys my age ,mid forties, check out the easy way. They isolated themselves then pulled the trigger. Is this good for your long term mental health to go your own way? I figure this is just another red pill lesson for me. I’ve been programmed to believe that single middle aged dudes are crazy lone wolfs, pervs, or mentality unstable. I spent a year purging toxic people from my life. Now i can choose who will enter back in. I figure you guys have seen this play out in your own walk and would give me some good MGTOW perspective.

In addition to what I said earlier, I just wanted to add a few comments about my own life as a loner:

When I was working, I dealt with people all day long, did lots of social stuff with my two ex-wives, etc. Now I’m divorced, retired, in my sixties, and sometimes I go six months without talking to a single soul. And I love it.

Couldn’t be happier being on my own. But I’m a natural introvert. I read lots of books, hit the gym daily, work on personal projects, and put in some time on message boards. I go out to bars and restaurants and relax with a drink or a meal and read a book. That’s plenty of stimulation for me. I know that I can do small talk and socializing without any problems anytime I want to; it’s like riding a bicycle. But I just don’t bother.

Also, there’s a senior center just down the street, and I can always join up and join the card games there–rummy, canasta, and that sort of thing. There are lots of resources and social venues for seniors. But I’ve been on my own for seven years, probably haven’t talked to more than 10 people in the last four years, and I’m happy as a pig in s~~~. So I haven’t felt the need to go join the senior center and socialize more. One of these days, but not yet.

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Good thread.

Beer wrote:

What am I supposed to go buy a big house to live in alone, and a fancy car, and a bunch of other frivolous s~~~ just to show off that I have money so some financial train wrecks buried in debt don’t call me cheap anymore? No thanks…

Beer wrote:

Dating to find a relations~~~ is like crawling over a bed of broken glass just to get smashed in the dick with a baseball bat when you stand up at the end.

Well said.

Anonymous wrote:

I read lots of books, hit the gym daily, work on personal projects, and put in some time on message boards.

I do too. Would like to increase motivation on personal projects. I have a few good like minded friends and living alone is a good option for me tho I am sometimes feeling some isolation. That isolation is not a need for living with a woman (I have been down that road before) – it is a wish for more connection with like minded people (my more like minded friends live some distance away).

I am not a member of any religion – I do attend a spiritual group and that is very beneficial (for me)(note the difference between God and religion – religions are institutions and that is fine (many good people are in religions) but also may/can contain flaws/dogmas and narcs just as any other organisation can). I am considering joining some enjoyable evening class – maybe martial arts (which I did in the past).

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Anonymous 12]

Keymaster wrote:

You didn’t mention how old you are, and that’s a factor.
Your need to socialize is going to be stronger when you’re younger.

I’ve heard it said by the time you’re 40, you’ve probably met ( and interacted with ) every kind of person and personality there is. After a while, other people just aren’t that interesting. Other things become more interesting.

Great minds discuss ideas.
Mediocre minds discuss events.
Simple minds discuss other people.

I agree with that. I was curious enough to keep chatting with people until I was in my mid to late 30’s at best. I am 44 now and I couldn’t care less about chatting with people, although I think it is more a personality thing as I know men who are older than me who love to talk s~~~ with people.

[Anonymous 38]

I score highly for introversion on the Myers Briggs test, so I naturally yearn to be alone.

I work around people, and play football a lot which means I’m always around guys. However at times I still crave quality time with others, where you just talk. I understand this as normal, loneliness for me is feeling like I can’t relate to anyone.

Somehow through just being me I have got a number of friends at any one given time. These tend to be friendships with people I see one on one – I don’t really enjoy doing things as groups because making things work is then about more than just connecting with a person. I don’t make big efforts to maintain these friendships, I would say most of my friends make more effort with me – more so with the female ones, I regularly speak to two of them. Sometimes they fade away, that’s cool.

I just do my thing and am pretty open about who I am, while at the same time being very aware of people’s personalities and cutting out people immediately if I identify them as dangerous. I have got quite good at it. Even if they make it through to me I remain unnattached, I think of friendship as mostly a function, scratching that itch for human interaction, rather than some sacred mystical bond.

People ask if I stayed in touch with people from my hometown. Not really. I used to feel bad about that, must be something wrong with me. But nah we’re just different and frankly most of them are dim, dull and vulgar, or simply malicious; far below the quality of person I’d like to call a friend.

[Author]

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