How To Dump A Depressive/Suicidal Girl

[Geeky GrantParticipant 35]

The start of this year I had to go though the chaos, pain and panic of dumping a depressed suicidal girl who I really wish I never met or even started to date. I hate to say it like that because when we first hooked up I really did have strong feelings for her… but over months and months of her dragging me down I came to despise her, I hated having to tip toe around her and putting her first over my own needs. If this sounds a bit like what you are going though right now you have come to the right thread… hopefully

I’m making this not just for my fellow MGTOW, I wish this to be used by anyone caught in such a horrible dilemma. So if you know someone that wants out or is having trouble getting out, please do send them this thread, I’m not saying I have all the answers but hopefully I can set some people on the path to dealing with this.

I’m going to put all of my personal experience, along with other advice I read up along the way, to comprise what I feel is the decent starting foundations to splitting with such people.

Like I said this wont be a be all and end all, everyone is different and react differently, if I had a book that was a one size fits all fix to everyone I wouldn’t be here… I would be on a nice big private island enjoying the huge piles of money I earned 😉

I think to best do this I should break it all down into steps, from start to finish, so here we go:

1) Coming To Terms:

This path was never going to be a cake walk, if this girl has a history of self-harming, attempts and depression the threat of her offing herself is very real. But you need to know one thing…

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

Make sure you drill that right into your mind, even if it takes a good week of constantly reminding yourself, you need to know that if she does decide to end it all you cant blame yourself for it. Would it really be fair on both of you if you stuck around? not there out of love but out of fear, that’s not a relationship, that’s in essence emotional slavery.

If anything you could put her in more danger sticking around, just ask yourself right now…

How long could you keep that act up?
How long could you keep smiling when your not happy?
How long could you keep saying you love her when you really don’t?
How long would it be till you couldn’t really give a flying f~~~ and just snapped?

The fact you’re doing things now while you still care for them is important, you’re not just doing this for you, you’re doing this for her.

During this time you need to promise not to put yourself in such a compromising position ever again, you need to promise never to date people who are in this state. Men and women like this are in no shape to be dating anyone, the emotional bonds formed can be intoxicating to them, taking that away always results in terrible backlash, no if ands or buts. They are better off having friends, family and doctors there to help them, a romantic partner is not going to help.

2) The Approach:
Right now this can be done in many different ways, but like I said at the start everyone is different, you need to use your better judgement to gauge what would be best for her. I will however recommend some options:

>Somewhere quiet
>Somewhere control can be maintained
>Somewhere she cant hurt/kill herself with ease
>Somewhere she cant hurt/kill you
>NOT IN YOUR HOUSE! (I was forced into this problem, its not easy)

I would also recommend that you inform there patient/guardian before or after you’ve broken up with her, its up to you when is best to inform them, but it should always be done as closely as possible to the event. That way they will know to keep an eye on her, this should at least help limit the chances of her doing anything stupid behind closed doors.

Now you have the planning under your belt its time to think about what your going to say to her, a simple its over wont work in this case, its going to be like dumping someone x10. You need to think long and hard about what your going to say, it needs to be clear and concise, you need to drive your reasons home to her. You can’t leave her in any doubt what’s happening.

Now there are two ways, I find, you can explain things to her:
>Truthfully
>Blame Yourself

From what I have read both approaches have mixed results but from my own personal experience a mix of both works well, I was honest with my ex and sprinkled in a little self blame, it leads them on into believing its not there fault which helps a lot. This sit down process can take hours (2 hours for me) but it will be worth it at the end.

Remember these key things as you talk:
>Resist any attempts of kissing or sex
>Never raise your voice or get angry (Even if she does)
>Never out right blame them
>Never take them up on the offer of “Seeing where things go”
>Never accept the “lets still be friends” offer

They will try anything to keep you around, don’t let them get to you, if you at any point buckle and decide to stay with them its going to be even harder next time around. She will no longer be playing the guessing game, she knows you wanted out before, she will do everything in her power to keep you from doing so again. Like I said before people like this crave the emotional bonds a relationship brings, taking it away is like taking drugs away from a addict, they will do anything to keep that high around. Even if that means hurting and upsetting the people they love.

3) The Block:
Now you have finally dumped her the hardest part of this trip is about to start, there is a very high chance it will not be over, they will not be able to accept you moving on, at the end of the day you became their rock and they are not about to let you just walk away like that.

The days shortly following my ending of the relationship I was bombarded on all my online profiles, along with things being posted though my door. So I suggest you do the following to limit post breakup stress:

>Change all passwords (If they know what the passwords are)
>Block them on all online accounts
>Do not respond to any messages
>Destroy all mail they post though your door (DO NOT READ THEM!)
>If you can take some time off work and disappear for a few days that will help too

This process will be very hard and I can tell you from first hand experience you’re going to feel all kinds of emotions, its not going to be easy but it needs to be done, giving them but a single shred of response will only make things worse. They need to know you’re not there rock any more, sometimes actions speak a whole lot louder than words.

As for how long it may take, I really don’t know, we are all human and all very different. However if you want my perspective on things, it took a whole month for my ex to move on and sadly leach onto another man… instead of getting the help she needed… so my mumble guess would be around a few months if not longer.

4) A New Path:
This is less a thing you have to do, more a motivational fun part of this whole thread, feel free to just ignore this step if you want… but once all is said and done you really need to work on you for a while.

The one thing I found out when I split up with my ex was I had a whole ton of me time again, I was able to do things I really wanted to do, I was no longer bounded to her wants and needs.

Instead of finding a new “hole” to plug up your time, why don’t you use all this wonderful free time to enjoy being single again? Even if that’s just for a few months

I know the moment I spit up from my ex I grew out a sick ass goaty like the one I had during my college years, something she really hated the idea of… but I tell you what, now I really want to go full beard just for s~~~s and giggles. The best part is I can, I don’t have anyone there to give me a sop story about that one time a bearded person upset them, I can just go right ahead and do it. The whole experience is liberating to say the least…

Thank you all for taking your time to read this thread, I hope its been helpful for those who have been thought or are going thought what I’ve had to deal with. Just remember to stay strong and well done for taking that next step, we are all here for you if you need the help 🙂

Please feel free to leave a comment with advice as well, even if it contradicts what I say, there is no clear right or wrong answer when dealing with this matter, there are so many different people in the world there can never really be a one size fits all guide to dumping crazy people. The more we as a community put in to this the more we can help those trapped in such toxic relationships.

Peace,
GG

"Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades; leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it, break the cycle, Morty, rise above! Focus on science" ~Rick Sanchez, Rick and Morty (TV Show)

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Thank you for the way you laid this out. Bookmarked for the future, and we’ll shine a spotlight on it later.

—

I have dealt with some of these HIGHLY unstable women, and the degree of crazy varies. Personally I don’t fall for it EVER – no matter how outrageous the threat, but a woman who genuinely hates herself that much shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone in the first place.

But first try to ascertain: is she really self loathing? Or is it all an act for sympathy and attention. Many women play this “if you leave, I’m gonna cut myself” threat ( AKA 1985 Fatal Attraction /Bunny Boiler ) but underneath, they can be extremely arrogant and it’s all a ploy to see what you’re prepared to do to “rescue” her.

On occasion, I have deferred to the girl and “feigned beta”.
( Doc Fenderson’s term )

Use her own weaponry against her, and become more self-loathing than she is. Become the weak, sniveling, mangina, cuck, wussbag “beta” every woman hates. “You’re the reason I breathe” . . . “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world”… “I just wanna hold you”… “why does it always have to be about sex”. etc.

• Do things that encourage her to leave and/or cheat.
• Fake you lost your job and you have no money
• Still go to work but pretend you’re out LOOKING for work
• Have no ambition. Be a “loser”.
Be creative and use your imagination here.

The idea is to make her feel sorry for you and the break up is now HER IDEA. You want her to be disgusted at the very thought of you touching her. Cry a little if you need. Be depressed about losing your job or being broke. Look pathetic. She’ll leave.

You’ll feel disgusting and will need a long shower to wash off the slime, but she’ll feel “superior” and sorry for you. So if you think she’s the type , consider the strategy of “feigning beta”. You know her better than anyone and will be able to know to what degree this is necessary, so use your best judgement here… but it really doesn’t take much to make a woman sick of you very quickly.

Be a pathetic loser and make her sick.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[MGTOW_MikeParticipant 6253]

Thanks for the effort in putting together this piece of advice. Although it does not apply to me at all, it will surely help at least one brother who is going through hell and convince him not to take his own life. Every piece of advice helps A LOT.

A tranquil mind is neither happy nor sad, it is uninfluenced by external conditions.

[Anonymous 42]

Once you’ve been with psycho, there’s no going back!

It CHANGES YOU!

All I have to say about the psycho drama is please pass the popcorn!

[KeymasterKeymaster]

A quote I remember from a movie….between a “beta” and a Chad who took his girl (a “depressive”).

BETA: “Everyone wants to be happy!!”

CHAD: “Depressives don’t. If they were happy, they couldn’t be depressed anymore, and they would have to go out into the world and LIVE – which can be depressing.”

Having had experience, I immediately understood it better.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[GnosticParticipant 2491]

Geeky Grant wrote:

The days shortly following my ending of the relationship I was bombarded on all my online profiles, along with things being posted though my door. So I suggest you do the following to limit post breakup stress:

>Change all passwords (If they know what the passwords are)
>Block them on all online accounts
>Do not respond to any messages
>Destroy all mail they post though your door (DO NOT READ THEM!)
>If you can take some time off work and disappear for a few days that will help too

Only one thing, do not destroy the evidence in case she accuse you of violence or something.

There is no magic in MGTOW, just recognition of the truth and logical decision how to avoid dangers. The red pill is but the truth, it is no magical potion. Do not think in this modern world men have no longer have natural enemies, men are prey to women and government.

[TuneoutParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

CHAD: “Depressives don’t. If they were happy, they couldn’t be depressed anymore, and they would have to go out into the world and LIVE – which can be depressing.”

I think this could be said of Liberal Activists too.

Lifes a bitch,but you don't have to marry one!

[AttonParticipant]

Crazy bitch incoming jump to hyperspace.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[RedDawnParticipant 1391]

This is some Top-Gun material here. Generally when people threaten suicide they don’t mean it. They just want to coerce people. Especially women.

I would also add that when you break up with a woman, if you or a mutual relative/friend have Facebook make sure you print out anything that she posts that is self-incriminating. It might just save your ass if things happen to get ugly.

Courage is the key to life itself - Morgan Freeman

[Anonymous 1]

excellent post, I’ve been through something similar except I made the mistakes of remaining friends/seeing where things go. all that happens is that one of you wants to get back together and the other really doesn’t and then it’s a second disappointment.
it seems that a LOT of women, once they feel comfortable with you, unleash this torrent of withheld depression and insecurity and general pathetic whining about how hard life is . society has programmed us to want to shoulder the burden, and to be honest if the woman was loyal and loving and worth it then i’d happily assume my role as a man.
problem is, women aren’t. I learned the hard way that “AWALT” doesn’t mean “all women are evil malicious users by choice” it means that “all women do these things because of their nature, even if it’s totally out of character”

[narwhalParticipant]

I just wanted to add that, this is why you must always stress that you are spending time with her for the purpose of having fun. You don’t want a serious relationship. Establish immediately that you are not here to fix her problems or to make sacrifices to make her life better.

It’s not just dating/relationships, but friendships too. The minute you start trying to help her or show sympathy for whatever it is, then she will use you to dump her crap on. If you establish that it won’t happen, they she will look for someone else to be depressed around.

There is absolutely nothing remotely selfish about that. You aren’t her family, and you’ve made no commitment to be there through sickness and health. You aren’t trained to deal with this (most likely) and will likely just make things worse for her.

Ok. Then do it.

[MonkParticipant 16985]

A few points bear emphasis:

Never take up with a crazy. Ever. If it wasn’t obvious at the time, get out as soon as it is.

Don’t think that you can ‘help her’. You can’t. The circuits are fried.

It’s not your fault. For your own sanity, this has to be fully grasped. No guilt trip please.

Don’t dump her in your house. Once she’s dumped, never let her in again, ever. If you do, you could well be looking at a false allegation or worse.

Cut her off completely. Half measures will simply mean that the whole circus begins again.

They rarely go quietly, so up your security in general.

[AstroParticipant 2045]

I was married to a manic-depressant alcoholic in my first marriage. She wasn’t joking either. I watched her slice the bend of her arm to the bone as her blood splashed on the bedroom wall. She was also a cheat but VERY jealous! Sometimes, one must let it go at any cost. I boiled it down to three options:

1) Kill her.
2) Kill myself.
3) Divorce her.

I could no longer be sensitive to the outcome. I had to get an order of protection against her after she did much damage in multiple ways. You have good advice to stay away from her as after we divorced, she was diagnosed with HIV. No White Knight can save a basket case bent on self destruction. Superman was out of town so I chose #3. Sometimes, the best a man can do is save himself from a bipolar bitch. For all I know, she is now dead.

[Author]

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