How to avoid shaming from Divorce?

[GrumpyParticipant]

hadenough1969 wrote:

My sister in law told me to my face last week, “no offense but your “picker” seems to have some issues. You just can’t seem to pick a good one.”

Well, in all honesty she may be right there. The only thing she missed was if the selection process only included garbage of varying degrees to choose from. You would try to select the best of the garbage.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[Pedal, run, rowParticipant]

After my divorce, before I stopped dating completely, I had one woman tell me on a date about her 3 divorces (one she didn’t love ever, one who got addicted to porn, and the third who just left her after cheating on her.) She then asked about my history. I told her I had one divorce and that my wife had cheated on me and stole from me (I kept it brief, because I know they have ZERO empathy for the man, and assume that the man deserved it if the woman behaved badly.)

She literally responded by trying to shame me with some new age philosophy crap indicating that you can tell a persons future relationships by their past ones. I wasted no time in responding that if that was true she should be more worried with her 3 strikeouts than me with one.

She literally looked stunned, like she never thought of that, or that she couldn’t believe I said it.

She was such a c~~~, I am glad I said it. I was tempted to go even further and let her know from her history I already knew she was incapable of keeping a man sexually satisfied, but she lived in my apartment complex and was friends with the woman manager, and I didn’t need any drama.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

You don’t have to put with it. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. You will receive no empathy or understanding here, so I would just be ruthless. 72% of divorces are SOLELY initiated by the female (wherein most of the other 28%, she initiates passive-agressively) so they really don’t have a leg to stand on.

hadenough1969 wrote:

no way could there be a problem with the female side of the equation.

That’s right.

When YOU cheat, you’re the asshole who should pay.
When SHE cheats, you’re a bad husband who didn’t-take-care-of-her-needs™ and you should pay.

See what’s wrong with that math?

hadenough1969 wrote:

The attitude is something like, “wow, you must suck since you can’t stay married”

Of course it is. Just don’t tolerate it.

hadenough1969 wrote:

“This is your second one right? This is the second time right? You were divorced before right?”

“Do me a favor. Stay off my side.”

Then exit.

hadenough1969 wrote:

My sister in law told me to my face last week, “no offense but your “picker” seems to have some issues. You just can’t seem to pick a good one.”

This is where you should feel free without limits to tell her to her face:

“Or maybe both wives were just insufferable c~~~s. That would really fry your brain wouldn’t it.”.

Men don’t sign marriage contracts to get divorced.
WOMEN DO.

Women actually get the giggles using the term “starter husband”.
Make sure everybody knows it.

This is also an opportune time for men to start shaming divorced women and single moms. Failures at marriage and family. Every last one. Wait until she starts asking “where are all the men?” and then tell her she f~~~ed up her chances already and proved herself a failure.

Here’s one of those “I’d like to be married again” bitches now.
/video/marriage-at-93-year-low/

If I were on that show with her, I would shame her to oblivion so hard, she would BEG to cut to commercial.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[hadenough1969Participant 539]

Lots of good stuff here.

One came to me today for my SIL…who is coming for Christmas tomorrow:

“It’s tough to pick a good one when all women are so good at lying. I am working on learning to lie as effectively as they do, but it takes time.

Thank you for your comments, you strike me as kind, caring and empathetic person. (spoken with great sincerity)

(Pause a couple seconds)

See, I am getting better at it already!”

Thanks for the replies guys. I just have to truly reprogram myself to a devout, no f~~~s given person in every area of my life.

[CombatRollParticipant 2594]

I’d probably say, “Do you think thats what I want to hear? Shut the f~~~ up”.
or
especially to the SIL- “Women are gold digging bitches – It took me 2 times to realize it, but there will not be a third”.

[hadenough1969Participant 539]

Over the past couple days, I have come to the conclusion that I am done with relationships altogether. I have spent a lot of time thinking through it and simply cannot come up with a reason to have another one.

So these people who are trying to shame me for the “failing” at a game that is rigged from very start to fail can go f~~~ themselves silly.

[narwhalParticipant]

hadenough1969 wrote:

Over the past couple days, I have come to the conclusion that I am done with relationships altogether. I have spent a lot of time thinking through it and simply cannot come up with a reason to have another one.

So these people who are trying to shame me for the “failing” at a game that is rigged from very start to fail can go f~~~ themselves silly.

Excellent conclusion.

I can’t really think of a time anyone shamed me for being divorced…could really explain why. I think my response would be silence though. No, I’d stare at them in silence…sort of daring them to elaborate on the conclusion they’ve made about my life.

Also, I don’t really say I’m divorced, just that I’m not married. I have two kids that I’m dedicated to, and someone would be hard pressed to look at my life and think I’m missing something. In fact, I get the impression whenever a female gets to know me, they feel a little… intimidated perhaps. As if my life sort of invalidates all the value they’ve been claiming to bring to a marriage all this time.

Ok. Then do it.

[NeroParticipant 1466]

narwhal wrote:

I can’t really think of a time anyone shamed me for being divorced…could really explain why. I think my response would be silence though. No, I’d stare at them in silence…sort of daring them to elaborate on the conclusion they’ve made about my life.

I like this. It’s a bit passive aggressive, but I do like it.

[Northern SoulParticipant 186]

Those shaming comments are outrageous. Best to just ignore and respond along the lines… “you are of course entitled to your opinions but in future it is perhaps best to keep ones like those to yourself”. Rise above it my friend and distance yourself from people like that.

I never experienced shaming but divorce brought out a much darker side in some of my friends which I never thought would happen and has led me to re-evaluate some of my friendships. Now that I have hit rock bottom and lost everything, I have a group of friends (who I have known since childhood) who seem to take some sort of mild satisfaction in this. It’s like they are feeding off the misery of my divorce to make them feel better about their perfect lives. They are quite subtle about it but when you are at your lowest you could really could do without it. Whilst men’s competitiveness is a virtue it can manifest itself in some friendships. I thought it was me at first being hyper sensitive but it only happens with a certain group of friends. So I tell everyone I meet now that I refuse to talk about my divorce and ask them to change the subject. They may want to live in my past – I don’t!

[hadenough1969Participant 539]

During my first divorce I quickly lost every friend I had with the exception of 2 guys and 1 girl, all of whom lived thousands of miles from me at the time. Everyone local friend turned on me, everyone from my childhood hometown church turned on me (to this day) and all 5000+members of my then current church (where I also worked) turned on me with such hate that I have since stated I don’t ever need anyone to “show me the love of Jesus” again for as long as I live.

I broke my rule of never darkening the doorway of a church again with my second wife after years of her badgering me to the breaking point. Of course she had built a huge following after herself and against me, so when the divorce came she had a formidable army arrayed against me which even now plague me through the divorce process.

Sufficient to say, the lesson has been learned and is now complete with regard to church and organized religion.

[Northern SoulParticipant 186]

hadenough1969 wrote:

During my first divorce I quickly lost every friend I had with the exception of 2 guys and 1 girl, all of whom lived thousands of miles from me at the time. Everyone local friend turned on me, everyone from my childhood hometown church turned on me (to this day) and all 5000+members of my then current church (where I also worked) turned on me with such hate that I have since stated I don’t ever need anyone to “show me the love of Jesus” again for as long as I live.
I broke my rule of never darkening the doorway of a church again with my second wife after years of her badgering me to the breaking point. Of course she had built a huge following after herself and against me, so when the divorce came she had a formidable army arrayed against me which even now plague me through the divorce process.
Sufficient to say, the lesson has been learned and is now complete with regard to church and organized religion.

Really sorry to hear that. Sounds like mob mentality – quite pathetic really and they should know better. I hope you are over the worse of it.

[hadenough1969Participant 539]

I am as over it as one can be.

Once in awhile the memories flood back, and I still have nightmares about the mob a couple times a year.

I have come to realize that the wounds do heal, but the scars will always remain.

[experiencedParticipant]

hadenough1969 wrote:

During my first divorce I quickly lost every friend I had with the exception of 2 guys and 1 girl, all of whom lived thousands of miles from me at the time. Everyone local friend turned on me, everyone from my childhood hometown church turned on me (to this day) and all 5000+members of my then current church (where I also worked) turned on me with such hate that I have since stated I don’t ever need anyone to “show me the love of Jesus” again for as long as I live.

I broke my rule of never darkening the doorway of a church again with my second wife after years of her badgering me to the breaking point. Of course she had built a huge following after herself and against me, so when the divorce came she had a formidable army arrayed against me which even now plague me through the divorce process.

Sufficient to say, the lesson has been learned and is now complete with regard to church and organized religion.

Every year, the Churchs’ Christmas Specials features fatter and fatter women dressed in more and more layers of black cloth. Sit back and watch as these Christmas Specials at church, show visiting men, what is in store for them.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Author]

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