How do you solve female issues within the family?

[Bestieboy666Participant 2358]

Hi Guys
I’m in a predicament regarding my sister. She treats her boyfriend of ten years like a slave. In all that time I have never seen her do a single thing for him, or offer a kind gesture. They both work but he does everything at home while she sinks in the sofa for the evening.

One evening when I was visiting I got up to pet the dog and she held a glass at me, shaking it vigorously while watching some soap on the TV. I said “What?”….”get me a drink of lemon squash”. I just stared at her until he stepped in to do it. Another time I popped in and she said “the kitchens a right mess. He always makes a mess when he cooks”….”He is at work and its your day off. Why don’t you clean it up?”….”He made it he can sort it out when he gets in”. Not even a hint of appreciation that he cooks for her “everyday”. This is his life.

When they first got together I remember this fun outgoing guy who had a lot of friends. He is a shadow of that guy now, a shell closed to the outside world within a hell hole of emptiness. What annoys me most is he just accepts this. Why? Has his self esteem been beaten so low he now truly thinks he is not worthy of better? My sister constantly berates him in front of the family, little digs at things he messed up or forgot to do. He is human! To mess something up at least means he tried!

The main reason for this post is a visit for a Sunday roast (guess who cooked that?) a few weeks ago. I found him sat in the kitchen sobbing like a child saying he can’t do this anymore. He’s been on anti-depressants for three years and still ends up in this state. I’m trying to talk to him when all I can hear from the sofa throne is “I’m starving, how longs it gonna be?”
I’m sure the guy is having a breakdown and possibly on the verge of suicide. I rang my eldest niece, her daughter, yesterday and spoke of my concern. She was actually very aware of her mums ways and has tried to speak to her about it to no avail. Her husband refuses to go round there at all.
I’m really not sure how to approach my sister about this? Has anyone else been in this situation with a family member?

Women are so bad, if they changed the law so I kept the house, I still wouldn't marry one. I'd rather be homeless.

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Good luck with that. When i sent my step sister some red pill links she wasn’t too pleased. When she called me on my birthday was behaving differently. To be honest it’s is to talk to the dude and tell him he should end the marriage. He shouldn’t have to put up with that s~~~. Most will will not listen to you even family members. I only have one aunt told me it’s ok to go my own way and told me about her son’s friends who divorced due to greedy bitches who really cared about was money and attention.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[BoarParticipant]

Based on your description, it sounds like the boyfriend you should be worried about, not your sister. He needs to get out and it sounds like he recognizes it.

I cannot offer much in the way advice. Except for when the breakup (or breakdown) occurs, do not allow your sister to live with you, even on a temporary basis. Otherwise, family relations will really go downhill.

Untamed wrote: Quit complaining and Go Your Own Way in whatever manner suits you best.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 25019]

Women are master emotional abusers. I pity blue pill white night mangina’s.

Tell him to tear the house apart and find his b~~~~. Reattach them then make the sensible decision to leave.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[Bestieboy666Participant 2358]

Boar wrote:

Based on your description, it sounds like the boyfriend you should be worried about, not your sister. He needs to get out and it sounds like he recognizes it.

That is a very good point Boar. And you are 100% correct. It is technically easy to get out of as well. They are not married, only have children from previous relationships, and the house is my sisters ‘rented’ council home.

Women are so bad, if they changed the law so I kept the house, I still wouldn't marry one. I'd rather be homeless.

[Enjoy The DeclineParticipant 1719]

You got to understand that your sister’s boyfriend is probably a very giving person. I love doing things for other people too, but when people abuse my generosity and kindness, I might not be as passionate in doing stuff to that person anymore. I guess that in the beginning, he was very happy in doing stuff for your sister, but I guess that your sister really stretched his generosity and kindness to get as much as she can from him. I am guessing that she also maybe doesn’t love him or else she wouldn’t put him through this situation. If anything, she only sees him as a convenience who is the only one she can find that can tolerate a person like her and that is all. Maybe she doesn’t know how good she has it till it is gone, because she is very lucky to have a boyfriend like that at this moment.

"Question everything" - Albert Einstein

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

If she were my sister I’d kick her upside down, then have a good long talk with the boyfriend and demand he leaves her the same day. That c~~~ ain’t worth him.

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[Crane CommanderParticipant 207]

How do you solve the issues? You can’t,you don’t . I guess you could leave. These woman would rather completely destroy the family than admit they have an attitude problem.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Every husband & wife dynamic in my immediate family is exactly as you described.

My older cousin (male) just announced their divorce after some 28 years. Classic timing. She just hit menopause and January is “divorce month”. So cliche. She does sweet f~~~ all, and never did. Just sits in the arm chair and shoots her mouth off.

One year, I was visiting for Christmas, and she asked something and I said “WHAT?” and she had the nerve to correct me. “It’s PARDON ME!!! Not WHATTT!!!”.

I said “why are you behaving like I said WHAT BITCH??” in front of everyone.

Her husband threw his head back laughing and high-fived me.
By the expression on her face, it was the first time anyone dared.

Bestieboy666 wrote:

When they first got together I remember this fun outgoing guy who had a lot of friends. He is a shadow of that guy now, a shell closed to the outside world within a hell hole of emptiness. What annoys me most is he just accepts this. Why?

This ^^^ is a good time to use the “Frog Soup” analogy.

Like a cold blooded animal adapts it’s body temperature to it’s surroundings, it does not feel when the heat is on too high and will allow itself to boil without realizing it. Beaten dogs and broken spirits, without really being aware of the transition and the loss of their own vitality.

•••••

My sister-in-law once tried to reprimand me for something as if I was her husband. I had to tell her “maybe your husband jumps whenever you crack the whip, but I don’t. So don’t even think about it”. This created a friction so thick, they refused to speak to me for 4 years. Everyone wanted ME to “be the bigger man” and apologize but I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT CAVE. I was right. She was wrong. Exclamation point.

Eventually they caved, but I have had a REAL hard time with the females in my family because they just ASSUME they are the queen bee. So it doesn’t take much to put them in their place and snap them out of it, but you also want to use humor if you can. The only time you really have to deal with them are holidays and special occasions, so you don’t want to RUIN it, but you can certainly jab and make it fun for you.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To GiveParticipant 6635]

Since he doesnt have the marriage anchor chains he should get the hell out before some common law is implemented to f~~~ him over for life. There is no contract to keep him there.Just pay the child support but gain your sanity,its cheaper anyway.You somehow need to get him away for a few hours(grab a beer)without her distraction. Hear him out thoroughly,then drop a red pill and see how he digests it. Depending on his reaction up the dosage and if you can get him to consider lurking this site you have covered huge ground. After that outing dont bring it up unless he reaches out to you,once he’s here we’ll take it from there.

Never lose sight of what brought you here.

[Anonymous 8]

Keymaster wrote:

Everyone wanted ME to “be the bigger man” and apologize but I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT CAVE. I was right. She was wrong. Exclamation point.

Now there’s a phrase the feminists will never co-opt, why shouldn’t she be the bigger woman?! Oh right, that would be fat shaming.

As for the original topic, I do not believe these issues can be solved, within the family. However it is possible to solve them without the family, that is to say get out. While cutting ties is not desirable, staying in a toxic relations~~~ is far worse in my opinion. As for approaching your sister, it sounds like she is content with the status quo, reaching out to her boyfriend would be more practical, hear him out & offer your support. Let him know you are on his side, after all if he wants out that is up to him, although that is not to say you can’t help, the question should be what can you do to help, aside from cleaning up after your sister.

[Anonymous 25]

Being subject to that type of behaviour will lead to him being depressed and could result in suicide as you correctly say. The warning signs are there if he broke down in tears.

He needs to start meeting his own emotional needs, which are:

Security – safe territory and an environment which allows us to develop fully

•Attention (to give and receive it) – a form of nutrition
•Sense of autonomy and control – having volition to make responsible choices
•Emotional intimacy – to know that at least one other person accepts us totally for who we are, “warts ‘n’ all”
•Feeling part of a wider community
•Privacy – opportunity to reflect and consolidate experience
•Sense of status within social groupings
•Sense of competence and achievement
•Meaning and purpose

Forget speaking to her about the issue, will get you nowhere. Ask HIM what he would like to do to meet his needs.

Her treating him like a domestic slave, is about her need for power and control. So next time she tries to treat him like a slave by making him make her a drink or cook the Sunday lunch, ask him what consequence he would like to deliver. It could be anything, my personal choice would be to just start making my own food in future. That’s a good choice as she only has two choices, 1) get off her lazy ass and cook for herself or 2) start doing her share of the chores.

He needs to learn to focus on meeting his own needs and deliver lawful natural consequences when she puts her needs above his.

[Anonymous 11]

The females in my family are all within normal parameters except for my sister in law.

She runs my brother with an iron fist. She has some good points in that she’s financially responsible and does the domestic work, but she will close herself off and start fights with anyone whenever she gets in her moods. She’s never f~~~ed with me though. She knows I defend myself and take no s~~~. She’s ruined nearly every Christmas for going on 40 years.

I recently had to intervene along with my niece when her latest crazy holiday shenanigans began to spread into our extended family. She’s still not speaking to her oldest daughter after 4 months.

Watching my older brother’s dysfunctional marriage from such a young age was a large factor in my never getting married.

I don’t think family female issues are solvable.

[Bestieboy666Participant 2358]

This ^^^ is a good time to use the “Frog Soup” analogy.

Wow this is so close to the situation. Thanks KM and to all of you for your comments. I appreciate that however I approach this, knowing my sisters stubbornness, it will cause friction between us. However it has got to a point where something must be done. I also know she will not change her ways as she was like this, although less extreme, with previous relationships. Her first husband basically told her to f~~~ off and left. The second ended up as an alcoholic and she kicked him out, playing the victim off course.

Women are so bad, if they changed the law so I kept the house, I still wouldn't marry one. I'd rather be homeless.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Bestieboy666 wrote:

it will cause friction between us

Ask yourself if it’s worth being “nice” – just for the sake of keeping up appearances.

“Have the b~~~~ to let a woman hate you”.
I read that somewhere once, and there’s real value in it.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

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