How do you get over it when a woman has damaged you, and your reputation?

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

A few years ago, I was not of the same mindset that I am now. I am in my mid 30’s, but only recently have I realized (or accepted) how toxic women are in this society. In my 20’s I never dated much, but when I took on a job at 30 which was very isolated, I began to feel very alone. That’s when I started to pursue women more (and that’s when my troubles began).

I met a college professor, older than me. In her late 30’s. I was taken by her. Long story short, she played a lot of mind games with me. I ended up cursing her out via text which was incredibly stupid. She went to the police. They warned me, and I got scared. But I was so depressed at that time I started texting her again. Not to curse at her, but to tell her I was sorry, and how I did what I did because I felt alone and sad. Well, she went to the police again. They arrested me, and charged me with “stalking”. I went to court, and pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. Thankfully, it’s not a crime in my state, just a violation. But my reputation is still damaged (at least in my mind). It’s not a huge deal, I paid a fine. But it hangs over me sometimes.

I began to become very sour towards women after that. I felt like this was a woman who presented herself as so sweet and nice, and then became so vindictive and cruel to a person who she KNEW was suffering. She wanted to hurt me, and she succeeded.

I guess my only question is, how do I get over something like that? Does anyone have any advice, or similar stories of hurt at the hands of women? It was my fault, and I realize that, but at the same time, she did not have to do what she did. She did it to hurt me and she did not have to. At least that’s how I feel. Anway, how can I as a man move on from that? Is it normal of me to still feel resentment and bitterness the way I do? I can say I learned a lot from it, about myself and the nature of women, but I can’t say I am over it. Thanks guys.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

WOTGM wrote:

I guess my only question is, how do I get over something like that? Does anyone have any advice, or similar stories of hurt at the hands of women? It was my fault, and I realize that, but at the same time, she did not have to do what she did. She did it to hurt me and she did not have to. At least that’s how I feel. Anway, how can I as a man move on from that? Is it normal of me to still feel resentment and bitterness the way I do? I can say I learned a lot from it, about myself and the nature of women, but I can’t say I am over it. Thanks guys.

The first thing to understand is how men and women differ in how they use “force”.

Men use fists, knives, bombs, and guns to neautralize a threat.
Women use backstabbing, manipulation, and ostracizing from a group.

As long you understand it’s a MANIPULATION (and nothing more) it hurst less. She didn’t actually “hurt” you. She has you THINKING she hurt you. Just consider what you said here……

WOTGM wrote:

It was my fault, and I realize that, but at the same time, she did not have to do what she did.

Was it REALLY YOUR fault? Too many guys make the mistake of accepting 100% personal responsibility when a marriage or relations~~~ fails. “i should have done that”… or “I really f~~~ed up”. But women don’t think like that. They get YOU to think like that. Even when women cheat and slut around, their excuse is blaming the man for it; “he was a bad husband / boyfriend and didn’t take care of my needs”. Guys actually believe that s~~~ and beat themselves over it! Men are extremely hard on themselves that way. They wonder what the f~~~ happened – and blame themselves – even when they do everything right and give her what she wants!

When you really examine it, its not HIS FAULT when she dumps him for being “too nice”. That’s HER flaw. She wants to be treated like s~~~, HE CAN KEEP HER!

When it doesn’t work out, or you propose and she says “no”….. she’s doing you a FAVOR, man.

So take some time to reevaulte your “hurt” and ask yourself, did she really HURT you?
Or was she just skilled in the ways of a woman to get you to FEEL like she hurt you.

You may shock yourself what kind of baggage you can start to drop at the door and how much lighter you feel.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[sidecarParticipant 35874]

That’s rough. At least it didn’t come with an official record, so your reputation is undamaged. It could have been a LOT worse. I suppose in a way you came out ahead, because once burned is twice shy, and now you’re well inoculated against future feminine machinations which could do you real, serious damage. Even as badly done by as you are from her, a lot of men get burned far worse before learning their lesson.

As to getting over it, my advice is the same as always: do your best to live well. Your bad memories won’t seem nearly so important if you’ve replaced them with a better present and a future worth looking forward to.

Also in what world does an apology count as “stalking”? Goddamn the legal system is f~~~ed in the head.

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

Wow, great post KeyMaster. Thank you. Funny you quoted the “It was my fault” part. I actually noticed myself that line AFTER I posted the message and reread it.

I guess what I meant was “it was my fault for being stupid” because I sent those texts, and therefore, she had proof to show the police what a big bad “stalker” I was. Then I texted her AGAIN after the police warned me not to. If you think this sounds incredibly dumb of me, it was. I can only say I was not in my right state of mind at all. I was going through extreme depression, and it literally alters your way of thinking to the point of doing things which later on you say “Oh my God, what was I thinking?”. I am actually a fairly intelligent guy, which makes what I did all the more painful for me.

But as far as WHY I sent those texts to her? I don’t at all feel it was “all my fault”. I feel as if she was messing with my mind and in a way, trying to PROVOKE ME to send those texts. I took the bait. I admit it. You are right about how men and women think. I will bet you $1 million dollars she has not ONCE thought to herself “I really regret hurting this guy going to the police. It was my fault too, even though he sent me angry texts”. Nope. She is thinking she was 100% right in what she did, and that I deserved everything I got. I also believe she did this as a way to seek attention from her male and female friends/boyfriends/whatever. To a woman, trying to ruin a man’s reputation and permanently damaging him is “just another cool story I can tell over drinks” for that particular week. I understand now this is how they think. They are sociopaths.

Thank you for your reply!

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

sidecar wrote:

That’s rough. At least it didn’t come with an official record, so your reputation is undamaged. It could have been a LOT worse. I suppose in a way you came out ahead, because once burned is twice shy, and now you’re well inoculated against future feminine machinations which could do you real, serious damage. Even as badly done by as you are from her, a lot of men get burned far worse before learning their lesson.

As to getting over it, my advice is the same as always: do your best to live well. Your bad memories won’t seem nearly so important if you’ve replaced them with a better present and a future worth looking forward to.

Also in what world does an apology count as “stalking”? Goddamn the legal system is f~~~ed in the head.

EVERYTHING now is considered “stalking”. What happened was the police told me not to contact her anymore, but I was so depressed and alone, I did anyway to apologize. I guess the police did not like that I did not “listen to them”. And you know how the legal system is. Men are not exactly favored in that area.

Had the situation been reversed, I highly doubt she would have been charged with anything. But she played up the “damsel in distress” card. That’s how our society is I suppose. I don’t absolve myself completely, I was stupid not to protect myself and should have just forgotten about her. But I did not.

I like what you said about some people getting burned far worse. I thought of that too, in a way. If all that happened was that I had to pay a fine, and go to court, maybe I did get off light. But it is never fun being arrested. I am not a “thug” type at all. I was never in any trouble with the law at all previous to this. It still hurts. Thanks for replying. Maybe this nasty woman did me a favor in the long haul, because now any ideas of ever getting married or even TRUSTING any woman are completely gone.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

WOTGM wrote:

To a woman, trying to ruin a man’s reputation and permanently damaging him…..

… is how she tries to convince herself she “won”. But she didn’t “win” anything. Pulling a man down is the wrong way to “win”.

I’ve been you. I was coerced, tricked and set up to be torn down by certain “Jennifer” who I made out with one night while we were drunk. Too drunk. Except when her pants came off, I was every bit a gentleman , and aware that it was a BAD idea, so I stopped and sent her home in a cab before we went too far.

She wanted to ruin me because i DID NOT f~~~ her.
Try and wrap your head around THAT one.

As another example, in 2007(?) I anonymously sent a woman flowers when her father had a sudden heart attack over Thanksgiving weekend. I looked up the hospital he was in and had them delivered there. Before she said “thank you” or anything of the sort , the bitch actually said “at first I thought that was kind of a stalker-ish move…..”. Can you believe that s~~~? Never before in my life have I heard such a f~~~ing insane response to a gesture like that, and I will never – repeat never – care enough to do something like that again.

I would rather throw $50 into the street and watch a group of kids have fun with it.

In both situations, I did NOTHING wrong, but women made the effort to try and make me FEEL like I did.
That’s what Im talking about.

How do you get over it? There’s nothing to get over.
It’s THEIR problem. THEY are sick. THEY are the problem.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

Thanks KEYMASTER. The thing that hurts me is that I feel as if this whole thing was started by her, and I was the one who paid for it from a legal perspective. Like in hockey, when a player whacks you over the head but no penalty is called. You retaliate, and the ref calls a penalty ON YOU! That’s how I feel. Kind of like how men get screwed in divorce court, I suppose, but on a smaller scale. Maybe it’s better this happened to me. Maybe she did me a favor, and spared me from any thoughts of ever considering marriage. That’s how I am trying to look at it. Hopefully, karma is real, and it will get her in the end.

I can relate to your stories of women. You try to be kind and nice to them, and they end up hating on you for it. It has happened many times to me also. At first, I tried acting like a dick, figuring “can’t beat em, join em” but you know what? I hated it. It wasn’t my nature.

Now I found this place. I can be true to myself, and it feels good man. Feels good just knowing others are out there. Sometimes I sit here at home and feel like no one else can relate or that I am alone. Now I know I’m not. And I can enjoy life without these parasites.

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

THANKS GOTSMART!! 🙂

[DeepInThoughtParticipant 2710]

@wotgm you seem like a soft, naive and sensitive guy. That’s perfectly okay, no one here will ever belittle you for that or dismiss it as weak or beta. You are here which says you want to change, you are asking questions and through answers, thought and clarity you will make the transition easier if you are realistic and honest with yourself. And that means your flaws in the relationship as well. It’s okay there is not one bloke who hasn’t been or isn’t currently going through this.

 

i will make a suggestion though, it’s social but might give you some guidance. Go to the Fun Stuff section of this site and look up some of the old movies like John Wayne, Yul Brynner, Charles Bronsan, Gregory Peck et al. Look at the way they are, they are man’s men, would they let a women like your ex treat them like that? Or would they dust themselves off and move on? I’m not saying don’t be yourself but identify with these men, they are old,school and we and don’t see them very often anymore and I have no doubt they would have been the same off screen. You’ll be surprised!

 

And To be honest, most of these women I’ve met and dated from universities are,the most obnoxious c~~~s you’ll ever meet. There head is so far buried up their own asses they think their s~~~ doesn’t stink, plus they can’t get a job in the real world. By the way, what is she a Professor at?

 

cheers

[WOTGMSpectator 749]

DEEPINTHOUGHT, you would be correct in your assessment of me. I honestly HATE confrontation, but push me too far, and I explode like a volcano. When people push my buttons, instead of nipping it in the butt early, I let it go. Then people try to push me a little more, thinking “he’s a pushover” not realizing that if they keep doing it, I will transform into a psycho.

Normally though, I am easy going, nice, and yes, I am naive in some ways. Many times I know people (women especially) are not treating me right, yet their explanations often involve trying to make ME look like the bad guy. And sometimes I question myself if it’s true, even when I know in my heart it is blatantly not. I understand now that because of my emotional makeup, I am not suited for the cut-throat world of dating, let alone marriage. I wouldn’t survive 2 minutes lol.

I think it’s ok though. I’ve come to grips with it…finally. I can be happy on my own, and I’m starting to realize that for the first time and embrace it. Even things like sex I can still have, but I don’t “need” a relationship with a woman to have value. All this time I was looking for validation from women who were not fit to shine my shoes on any level. I think I finally get it now. I don’t need them, they need me. They are just better at making me THINK I need them more than they need me. That is literally their only advantage. Once you overcome that, they literally have absolutely nothing else over you. Nothing.

I guess you could say I “understand” how the game is played. I just have no interest in playing it anymore. I know what women want…the John Wayne type etc. but I cannot be that guy, I can only be myself. I don’t enjoy playing pretend. So the only other option is to opt out. Only now I understand that “opting out” isn’t bad, it’s GOOD. I didn’t think like that before, but now I do. That’s the difference. I can still get sex from women because I’m not a bad looking guy. Maybe not as much as “alpha’s” but that’s ok. And companionship can come from friends, and hobbies.

I am extremely emotional, you read me right on that one. My biggest weakness. But I’ve been dealing with that issue as of late as well. I’ve gotten better. It’s tough sometimes. I feel like I only want a partner in life and at times, I don’t understand why that is considered too much to ask. But if this is how women are it’s just not worth it.

I get what you are saying about how to deal with “tests” from women. My thing is though, is why do you even need to test someone to begin with? I can’t stand it. When I meet a nice person, I don’t think “Gee I wonder how much I can take advantage of him/her”. And yet that is EXACTLY the type of thinking most women or anyone in general seem to have when meeting someone that they think “they can over on”. I just never understood it. It’s not something a good person does.

EDIT: She is a professor of Psychology.

EDIT: I love Charles Bronson. I own every Death Wish movie. Death Wish 3 is hilarious haha.

[Anonymous 42]

“”””How do you get over it when a woman has damaged you, and your reputation?”””

Move on, move along! Weld the steel door of your heart shut. Us a triple pass endless bead, leave no seams, leave no way for them to ever return, ignore the scratching and banging on the door of your heart! Close and seal your heart forever and a day. Perpetuate and assist women in the freezing and starving of their own souls!

[– Deleted on Request –Spectator 936]

The best thing is to go off by yourself, lick your wounds, get your strength back, and move on.  No woman’s worth continuous misery.

 

Oh, and don’t think of contacting her years later in hopes of rekindling any flames.  Speaking from experience, she’ll likely have long forgotten who you were.  You were simply something disposable to her and she treated you accordingly.

 

[sidecarParticipant 35874]

WOTGM wrote:

I like what you said about some people getting burned far worse. I thought of that too, in a way.

Hang around here long enough and you’ll read some real horror stories. Don’t get me wrong, yours is bad enough, but some men here have been put through the wringer, then pulled out and put through it again.

But it is never fun being arrested. I am not a “thug” type at all. I was never in any trouble with the law at all previous to this. It still hurts.

I can just imagine. And the worst part of it is you didn’t do anything wrong. Your only mistake was underestimating the vindictiveness of women and the perversity of the legal system.

Maybe this nasty woman did me a favor in the long haul, because now any ideas of ever getting married or even TRUSTING any woman are completely gone.

Which puts you ahead of most men out there. A lot of men go through worse than this but fail to learn the lesson and keep going back.

Keymaster wrote:

… is how she tries to convince herself she “won”. But she didn’t “win” anything. Pulling a man down is the wrong way to “win”.

It’s like they’re trying to win a war by salting their own earth. Every single woman who pulls a stunt like this means at least one more man is not there to provide women goods and services gratis in the future.

Then they have the gall to ask, “What happened to all the good men?”

WOTGM wrote:

Hopefully, karma is real, and it will get her in the end.

Well collective karma is very real. So there is that. Every single article with some woman whining, “Where are all the good men?” is evidence of collective karma biting women in the ass.

DeepInThought wrote:

you seem like a soft, naive and sensitive guy.

I don’t think he’s naïve any more. I think he’s taken the first necessary painful steps on the road to wisdom.

look up some of the old movies like John Wayne, Yul Brynner, Charles Bronsan, Gregory Peck

Also Steve McQueen.

WOTGM wrote:

EDIT: She is a professor of Psychology.

Well that explains a lot. I have yet to hear of any female psych who wasn’t in it due to her own bats~~~ insanity. Psychology departments seem to attract the crazies.

– Deleted on Request – wrote:

Oh, and don’t think of contacting her years later in hopes of rekindling any flames. Speaking from experience, she’ll likely have long forgotten who you were. You were simply something disposable to her and she treated you accordingly.

Or equally likely she’ll contact him. At which point it’s best for him to have his life well in order so that when he tells her, “F~~~ No!” she’ll be able to see what she missed out on. The best revenge is to live well.

[DeepInThoughtParticipant 2710]

WOTGM wrote:

I honestly HATE confrontation, but push me too far, and I explode like a volcano. When people push my buttons, instead of nipping it in the butt early, I let it go. Then people try to push me a little more, thinking “he’s a pushover” not realizing that if they keep doing it, I will transform into a psycho.

 

You need to work on this, if you don’t you could get yourself into some seriously hot water. Take up boxing, crossfit and start interacting with men you look up to, your attitude and volcanic temper will dissipate. Plus when people start their tripe with you, immediately and directly call them on it, I’m serious the will literally s~~~ themselves. Don’t be afraid!

@sidecar – all good points.

 

DeepInThought wrote:

She is a professor of Psychology.

 

Ah, she would have played it perfectly. I have 1 female psych and she is solid, but the rest of them are manipulative bitches, I have no time for them. Female lawyers included!

[killerbetaParticipant 0]

Hi new to MGTOW. All very good advice here. I went through almost the exact same thing. All i can add is it does get better. Dating other women always helps. Plus spend a lot of time with your guy friends.It helps center you. Forget her.Late 30s still single and playing mind games with a guy that likes her a lot. She is a f~~~ing loser man. Don’t beat yourself up over her anymore.You really liked her to be so upset over her. It really was her loss.
I did the exact same thing apologizing and asking her for forgiveness. I think in hindsight i wasn’t very sorry for going off on her, I was sorry that she was able to put such a spin on the whole thing and damage me. I guess i was trying to put a good face on the whole thing again and she wasn’t having any of it. She has already won in her mind. She provoked me and i reacted, boom i lost she won. Anything after that was icing on the cake. I just came to terms with the fact that women can out manipulate someone who isn’t well versed. Me in this case. Well, i have to thank this gal. She has opened my eyes. We live and learn.

[The_reality_factorParticipant 211]

All outstanding advice given here.

There’s always a lesson to be gained from situations like these. From what I’ve read, humans typically focus on negative aspects of their lives for pure survival means. So if you keep going over this crap in your head (like we all do), then it is fairly normal and should go away in time. If you put a thick rubber band around your wrist and every time the thought pops into your head…you pull the band and let it hit your wrist hardish and say “forget about it” or other words. Your subconscious should start to get the message.

Important thing, is never…. ever, repeat this pattern again with this female or any other.

From my experience and info I’ve read over the years;

Generally, texting or social media communication with women is just plain bad practice. Men completely remove all mystery about themselves, become too available and are not a challenge. Those 3 things women find attractive in a man.

Watch her actions not her words. If she doesn’t want to see you, doesn’t contact you or she makes very little effort in wanting to see you – then her interest level is way down and you are wasting your time. As a matter of fact, she is wasting your time!

If you find yourself chasing a women – you are in serious trouble.

If she starts playing head games, s~~~ tests and other crazy bulls~~~ – just walk away. The harder she plays these silly games, the more likely she’s be f~~~ed around by PUA etc.

The scarcity mentally and thinking one particular female is the “one” and “only one”, puts you in a seriously weak position. Kitty cats like to compete and they are more interested in other women being around you. If you get called a “player” etc…you’re on the right track 🙂

Men should see themselves as the prize to be “won” and females should be making a huge effort and commitment to win you over, in and out of the bedroom. The females need to “woman up” for us to accept them, not the other way round.

Mobile phones etc, should be used to set up dates and you only talk to women face to face – texting is completely out of the question!

Focusing on one women, is like putting all your eggs in one basket. Just like and investment portfolio, you should have a diverse range of women to choose from – this means collecting lots of phone numbers (hard work).

MGTOW to me, means never investing my resources in one particular female, never settling down (again) and never being fully attached to a single female (again). The pay off just is not worth the effort or investment.

The above is also written to reinforce in my own head!

 

[BDParticipant 1146]

Anonymous wrote:

Move on, move along! Weld the steel door of your heart shut. Us a triple pass endless bead, leave no seams, leave no way for them to ever return, ignore the scratching and banging on the door of your heart! Close and seal your heart forever and a day. Perpetuate and assist women in the freezing and starving of their own souls!

Wow, that’s quite a quote, I totally respect it, awesome share!

The_reality_factor wrote:

Generally, texting or social media communication with women is just plain bad practice. Men completely remove all mystery about themselves, become too available and are not a challenge. Those 3 things women find attractive in a man. Watch her actions not her words. If she doesn’t want to see you, doesn’t contact you or she makes very little effort in wanting to see you – then her interest level is way down and you are wasting your time. As a matter of fact, she is wasting your time!

Ahhh , sounds a lot like The System by Doc Love, it’s a great book, I don’t agree with everything he says but most of it is bang on.

Because in order to be able to think, you have to risk being offensive.

[The_reality_factorParticipant 211]

BD wrote:

Ahhh , sounds a lot like The System by Doc Love, it’s a great book, I don’t agree with everything he says but most of it is bang on.

Spot on !

However, it is interesting that if you read different books and information on the subject. The theme appears to resonate throughout all the advice. That being: not being needy.

Nothing smells worse than, desperation. Women can sense it miles/kilometers away.

 

 

 

 

[SargeslideParticipant 82]

You don’t get over it, ever. You learn from it and move on. I, like you am a pretty nice, laid back guy, to a point. Say what you want to me, cool, I will answer back if I feel it is needed, otherwise I will ignore or laugh. Put your hands on me or mine, now you have problem on your hands.

As far as bitches go, better for someone else on here to help you, I have a girlfriend I am fond of, and while I believe I am going my way, others here are far better at it than I. I would say to learn how to stop or walk away from a situation you feel is pushing your buttons, some of us cannot take being verbally antagonized or put down. It took alot of time, bruises, breaks and repairs to learn that lesson with my hard head. My age probably has alot to do with it also.

One of the things that helped me was to accept that being alone is perfectly acceptable as a lifestyle. While I am not alone at this time, if she flakes on me, I will go back to being alone and perfectly happy about it. Women are not a must have, they are a want to have, and you can, very easily live quite a happy life without them.

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