Hi guys, glad to be here.

[SpiderHerderParticipant 3759]

Hello fellows,

I’ve been lurking on this website for a couple of months now, trying to find people who would understand me as a sovereign being and I can say that I’ve found a whole lot of people. I would have joined a lot sooner but I was worried about privacy. So, regardless, here I am.

Just a bit of background before I start describing my path as a free man (as free a man with a job, apartment and bank account can be anyway): About a year ago, I diagnosed myself with high-functioning autism. To me, this explains pretty much everything about why I am the way I am and why I’ve always avoided intimate relationships (pheww…). I’ll start off with a bit of a life story and then a summary of my philosophical journey.

So ok, I’m 36 and I live in Eastern Canada, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, not married, no kids. I’ve always been a quiet person (except for when I played drums in a band lol) and as a kid I’ve often spent time playing with marbles or little cars for hours not saying a word, or I would go in my closet with a flashlight and read the dictionary. Or it would be video games on the Commodore 64 or riding around the neighbourhood on a bike. I was also attracted to travelling, looking at world maps, etc. In my teens, I got into music, playing a bit of guitar but drums always appealed to me even when I couldn’t play at all. So I got into drums for a decade or so.

As for girls, I’ve tried. I can’t say I haven’t, but that was mostly because I was told I had to and the sex drive was there to help. But I was a shy kid with a brain, so I was either rejected or I was the one saying no if the girl was not interesting to me.

When I got out of high school, I got a job. Some girls were interested in me there too, but that’s when I realized I didn’t want kids. I would imagine myself as a father and it would scare the crap out of me. I didn’t want children, I didn’t wanna put my interesting life on hold permanently for some whiny parasites. I wanted to travel, I wanted to learn and do all these things ! I’ve also been nervous about having sex because if I performed poorly, they could’ve used it against me and slandered me. So I’ve kept my distances for my own safety. Maybe it was part paranoia, part instinct ( I thank my autistic brain for this) but I’ve always managed to stay away from harm. I’ve never liked being controlled by someone else and having another being trying to change who I was has always felt so infuriatingly insulting.

Fast forward to my mid-twenties, I move to Western Canada, the frickin’ Rocky Mountains lol. I worked in a gas station and then a highly physical job in a mine (which I loved, because it paid well, I got in shape incredibly fast and it was all men). I started getting into cars seriously, began to modify mine extensively (I’ll get back to this soon). There have been a few ladies with whom I’ve spent time but it never went anywhere, one of them also didn’t like the fact that I just wanted to be friends. It was nice to have a bit of physical female company (not intellectual, for sure). That’s when I realized how great my life was because after a while my boss and another a-hole there (both miserable narcissists) started to resent me for having so much freedom and treated me like crap. At 31, after a couple of miserable years myself, I finally left Western Canada and came back “home”.

One of the reasons I would usually give people was that I wanted to spend more time with my family. So, I got to spend more time with them and I’ve also spent a lot of time by myself going deeper and deeper into philosophy, asking myself and contemplating the biggest questions one with reasoning capabilities can. All the while, I noticed my father started treating me like my old boss used to: belittling me every chance he got, pointing out my every mistake, some going back 30 years. He turned out to be a big ol’ narcissist himself, married to a codependent manipulative woman.

Three months ago, I’ve decided to get back into cars and wanted to start doing autocross. Let’s just say when I brought it up, he had some stupid s~~~ to say about it and my mother even tried to get me to bring him along to my first event even though she knew I hate his guts (talk about enabling). So, after that, I was done with them. I haven’t spoken to them since and don’t intend to. Such disrespect coming from people in their sixties. They should be the mature ones, shouldn’t they ? Uugh…

But wait, there’s more ! haha. I’ve been hanging out with a married couple at work and outside work too for a few years. Turns out the bitch has been flirting with me, sometimes in front of her husband but I haven’t made a big deal out of it because we don’t work in the same department. But recently, I started working with her and little did I know someone was standing behind me with a handful of red pills ready to tap me on the shoulder and hand them to me (I still thought NAWALT at the time). She started s~~~-testing me, big time. Now, I’ve always had trouble defending myself against personal attacks like this because, I think, my autistic brain has always had better things to do. I’ve never spent time trying to come up with good replies to such crap and I also just freeze up when faced with confrontation. So anyway, a few days later I quit my job. Not just because of that, I’ve been wanting to quit for a few years already but that was just the last drop. I unfortunately feel like a traitor for dropping my male friend but I simply cannot see her again. I may see him again, but I’ll have to move first, then I’ll meet him in a neutral location and will never disclose where I live or work until he’s divorced. I still enjoy looking at beautiful women, but only in an aesthetic sense, for the same reason I like looking at fancy cars and nice landscapes.

So I’ve raced my car a few times this summer and I’m planning to invest a bit on it next year. I’ve found a new job, more physical, men only also, pays better. I’ve gotten deeper into computers also. I’ve rid my life of crappy people and I’m trying to keep personal details to myself so to not make married/miserable people jealous and begin their narcissistic crap. Sadly, I’ve noticed that most people’s first question when they meet me is:”Do you have kids ?” Bah ! Like I mentioned to an online friend recently, I love coming home to my empty, quiet apartment. I love coming home to my things being exactly where I left them. I love coming home to my peaceful sanctuary.

As for my philosophical journey, I’ve always questioned my and other people’s view of the world in one way or another. It started more seriously though about 8-9 years ago when I asked myself bluntly if God or heaven existed. I came to the conclusion that no, they don’t. Then a few years later (not that I didn’t read anything in between), I picked up my first book on philosophy, The Myth Of Sisyphus by Albert Camus and also Jean-Paul Sartre’s ‘Existentialism is a humanism’ to really dig deep on the ‘meaning of life’ front. I’ve had a nice epiphany and accepted death as an absolute inevitability and for what it is: my atoms going back to the universe to form something else. That’s why I hope to die in the woods or something, how selfish to try and preserve our bodies in a sealed box, or burn it and then preserve it in a jar. How childish…

Anyway, after that, I went into egoist anarchist thought; Max Stirner; Epicurus; Yang Chu (read Yang Chu’s Garden Of Pleasure if you like). Also, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Thoreau. I’ve read about Stoicism and also studied the philosophy of some religions, especially Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism. I don’t agree with everything in there and see myself as irreligious anyway but I admire their dedication to non-attachment and try to apply it in my everyday life. ‘Letting go’ of my family was something I never thought I would have to do and is definitely not easy. I live in voluntary simplicity as much as I can, even though I sometimes struggle with the contradiction of what buying stuff for hobbies represent to voluntary simplicists.

I don’t have that many plans for the future. I’ll keep racing for fun as long as it feels fulfilling, try and stay healthy, save money as much as I can and retire as early as I can. I thought about Argentina: it has mountains, is fairly cold and probably (I haven’t checked) cheap to live in. Or maybe I’ll just stay here. Meh.

This should be a decent introductory post, although a bit all over the place. I’ll try to contribute as much as I can in the future, but since I’m struggling with a bit of anger toward people I trusted and whom have betrayed me, I may also need some of you guys’s insight. We’ll see.

Thank you so much for this safe place. To all a great day.

[RemovedParticipant 4676]

I am right with you on much of these topics. I trust no one and am thoroughly enjoying my peaceful home. You are not missing anything, when it comes to sex. It is addictive and ruins your focus on enjoying your life, and is never satisfying. Welcome to the jungle.

[Anonymous 6]

Welcome to the jungle, we have fun & games.

[DocParticipant]

Welcome Spider Herder. Interesting name BTW.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[MoreSkyParticipant 4865]

Welcome Spider Herder.

This is a great place to vent frustration and ask many questions.

"...reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.” It is Your Life, Charles Bukowski.

[AposematicParticipant 2671]

What is the secret Aspie code?

Afinogyny.. from the Greek Afino {to abandon/ to set down/ to leave /to allow/ to let } + Gyny {Women} MGHOW’s philosophy to not engage women without “hating them”. Narcorca =Narcissistic Orca typically spouting to a bathroom mirror taking an arms length selfie ; Wallinate describes post wall females whose SMV is terminally negligible New Years resolution "To not make women happy" . Instadestitue: yet another Neologism for Men that cohabit with women that decide to pull the handle of intervention orders.

[Anonymous 42]

SpiderHerder wrote:

I love coming home to my empty, quiet apartment. I love coming home to my things being exactly where I left them. I love coming home to my peaceful sanctuary.

Brother, I’ve been doing just that for more than 20 years, I know now with the present frame of mind in women I cannot assimilate to living with another person be it male or female, the past is a very turbulent place I never want to revisit. One never knows his own trabitity until he discovers peace to compare it to.

SpiderHerder wrote:

‘Letting go’ of my family was something I never thought I would have to do and is definitely not easy.

It’s essential to let go, hanging on to something that’s ill will make you sick. I let go in 2012 and this Christmas will be the second one I abolish and opt to be alone. It hardens me against heartless people by not participating and feeling like s~~~ for doing so.

It’s become nothing more than dredging up undesirable memories and subjecting myself to depression which I whole heartily AVOID!

Let them do the crying, I’m all done!

SpiderHerder wrote:

I’m struggling with a bit of anger toward people I trusted and whom have betrayed me, I may also need some of you guys’s insight. We’ll see.

Betrayal is something that gets ingrained into your spirit like a child touching a hot stove, it causes allot of pain and leaves scars that will always remind you of that act of absolute selfishness. I too stand betrayed in too many ways and by too many people to number.

Welcome to the land of betrayed men!

You’re not alone…

[bladeParticipant]

Welcome to the brotherhood .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[AussieParticipant 2509]

You are among friends here. Lots of good men with lots of interesting and sometimes tragic stories to tell.

" I feel threatened "

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Welcome!

[DocParticipant]

Aposematic wrote:

What is the secret Aspie code?

I got Asperger’s. You too?
See OP has.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape, finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

[GregB0Participant]

Welcome and glad that you have decided to become an active member.

There are lots of opportunities to ask questions, seek advice and develop relationships with members that can be quite rewarding.

Take advantage of the forum and walk your own way down the path of life.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Anonymous 3]

SpiderHerder wrote:

As for girls, I’ve tried. I can’t say I haven’t, but that was mostly because I was told I had to and the sex drive was there to help. B

SpiderHerder wrote:

I love coming home to my empty, quiet apartment. I love coming home to my things being exactly where I left them. I love coming home to my peaceful sanctuary.

SpiderHerder wrote:

I live in voluntary simplicity as much as I can, even though I sometimes struggle with the contradiction of what buying stuff for h

Thank you for a well written and informative intro. you are certainly welcome here. I chose those quotes out of your intro b/c that is where you & I line up. The first 20 yrs or so of my life I was relatively immune from the ” charms ” of women. then I got my first taste of pussy & the next 20 or so were full of BS as I tried to work a Hollywood ending into my delusional American Dream world. i did not fare well. Today I live simply & alone. I have found my peace. Really glad you chose to jump in. I found this site a refreshing oasis in a parched & thirsty world.

[SpiderHerderParticipant 3759]

First things first: thank you all so much for welcoming me in so warmly. Only the champagne of men can do this and I thank you again.

Removed wrote:

I am right with you on much of these topics. I trust no one and am thoroughly enjoying my peaceful home. You are not missing anything, when it comes to sex. It is addictive and ruins your focus on enjoying your life, and is never satisfying. Welcome to the jungle.

Thank you for your insight. I’ve always felt it would be pointless to engage in such an act, good thing I didn’t waste any energy on it. hehe Also, I’m glad to hear you’ve made it through the storm and are now content with your life. Good on you, man. 🙂

MoreSky wrote:

Welcome Spider Herder.

This is a great place to vent frustration and ask many questions.

Thank you ! I’ll definitely be doing some of that. I don’t have many people to confide in and it feels like I’m just dwelling on the latest events and not moving forward at all.

Anonymous wrote:

SpiderHerder wrote:

I love coming home to my empty, quiet apartment. I love coming home to my things being exactly where I left them. I love coming home to my peaceful sanctuary.

Brother, I’ve been doing just that for more than 20 years, I know now with the present frame of mind in women I cannot assimilate to living with another person be it male or female, the past is a very turbulent place I never want to revisit. One never knows his own trabitity until he discovers peace to compare it to.

SpiderHerder wrote:

‘Letting go’ of my family was something I never thought I would have to do and is definitely not easy.

It’s essential to let go, hanging on to something that’s ill will make you sick. I let go in 2012 and this Christmas will be the second one I abolish and opt to be alone. It hardens me against heartless people by not participating and feeling like s~~~ for doing so.

It’s become nothing more than dredging up undesirable memories and subjecting myself to depression which I whole heartily AVOID!

Let them do the crying, I’m all done!

SpiderHerder wrote:

I’m struggling with a bit of anger toward people I trusted and whom have betrayed me, I may also need some of you guys’s insight. We’ll see.

Betrayal is something that gets ingrained into your spirit like a child touching a hot stove, it causes allot of pain and leaves scars that will always remind you of that act of absolute selfishness. I too stand betrayed in too many ways and by too many people to number.

Welcome to the land of betrayed men!

You’re not alone…

Beautifully written, Mr. Tower. It still sucks that good men have to suffer so much at the hands of such selfish beings. But I guess we can’t always learn from other people’s mistakes, we have to make our own too. I’m glad you’re in the clear now.

GregB0 wrote:

Welcome and glad that you have decided to become an active member.

There are lots of opportunities to ask questions, seek advice and develop relationships with members that can be quite rewarding.

Take advantage of the forum and walk your own way down the path of life.

Thanks ! I feel this is one of the only places where I can talk about the real things in life without being faced with an awkward silence. Most people can’t stomach the cold, hard truth. I look forward to this journey with my new brothers.

I brought some hard liquor too if anyone’s into that. Haha

p.s. Thanks DocDJ for your comment on my name. I’ve had a couple of spiders raise their offspring in various corners of my apartment and I just let them. They keep to themselves and are really quiet anyway. 🙂

[Author]

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