Gaslighting the entire divorce

[StealthParticipant 5339]

It has been a couple years since my divorce, but recently I’ve gotten passive aggressive notes from friends and family about it, I suspect in part because she will be entering a highly publicized second marriage in the next few weeks (in the old days they would call this “adultery”), and her family seems interested in painting over the realities of her wrecked reputation and the damage left in her trail. Also attempting to paint over ME–a reminder of the truth, still breathing, bleeding, out there with my eye on her. I know the truth and have not forgotten.

As a general rule I don’t discuss my divorce with people because I don’t find it helpful. But last week I got a strange note from a family friend of hers, who was under the impression that the exW and I have made amends and are friends again. Strange, since I haven’t spoken to her in many months. Truth is there is no possible reconciliation with a person that maintains she wants me dead since the universe owes her everything… a toxic person who openly seeks to harm her closest friends and family members, or who sabatoged a good relationship when nothing was wrong.

Since I respect this guy, and he wasn’t her blood relative, I responded by reminding him again that anything he hears from her, good or bad, has no correlation to reality.

He told me about a family member of his who got divorced recently, and he believes in that case both parties agreed to their divorce and were at fault, and are now good friends. Trying to stuff me in that same box, he then went on to say my divorce must have been the same, and he is sure I must share the blame for my wife’s actions. There must be SOMETHING I did to MAKE her make the decisions she made… you know, taking as much money as she could legally steal from me, taking her victim card to market to she how far she could manipulate people, sexualizing her daddy issues, riding the carousel, attacking friends and family and getting thrown out of restaurants, etc… even though there is NO EVIDENCE AS TO WHAT I MIGHT HAVE DONE OR HOW I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE THINGS. All they see and hear are her actions, and they want to pretend it is not her doing them.

Believe you me, I’ve turned over every rock to find out what I did wrong or what I did to deserve this, and found nothing. Even her accusations about me are not about things I did, but are just name-calling.

What I’ve really learned is to never ever ever get married AND stay as far away from my ex as possible. It’s my response to those people who tell me to “learn from my mistakes and move on.”

Foolish foolish simps. We’ll see what happens with this new guy.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[Anonymous 13]

It was never YOU.

It really was always THEM.

They’ve been f~~~ing up our reality for far too long.

We’re done.

Enjoy the show.

[joetechParticipant]

The tactic is called transference. I wouldn’t respond to that ‘friend’ anymore. You can bet he reports back to her on everything you communicate to him. Hell, he’s probably f~~~ing her. I would cut all ties with that past if I were you, but then, I’m a bitter, old, suspicious coot who would never trust the associates of anyone who once publicly proclaimed that they wanted me dead.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Stealth wrote:

and he is sure I must share the blame for my wife’s actions. There must be SOMETHING I did to MAKE her make the decisions she made…

The pussy pass in full action. I like to go the other way when I get the chance. If I hear a guy cheated on a girl my question is “What did SHE do that was so bad she drove him into the arms of another woman?” You can only ask that question to someone with a sense of humor.

In general, I like to give my ex her friends and family. If they to think I’m an asshole so they can remain cordial with each other, then so be it. The high road has much less traffic, and I’ve yet to see a woman driving up here. And like you, the worst thing I can come with that I did was marrying her in the first place.

Sounds like you’ve got a good attitude about your divorce. It is amazing to me though how people like that will just pop off about something they know nothing about, like it’s any of their business in the first place. Those are people I don’t want to be friends with anyway, as I’m sure you don’t either.

Order the good wine

[StealthParticipant 5339]

TaxGuy wrote:

In general, I like to give my ex her friends and family. If they to think I’m an asshole so they can remain cordial with each other, then so be it. The high road has much less traffic, and I’ve yet to see a woman driving up

Thank you for mentioning this, TaxGuy. I agree this is good form and have done this as well with her family and even this family friend. I’ve refused to comment on his questions directly and have not aired out her dirty laundry to them. They would be surprised to learn that much of what I’ve been blamed for was actually her. I did not receive the same courtesy from their side but at this point who cares. But this time I reminded him it is all a convenient fiction.

This exchange was a reminder to me that indeed talking about my divorce in almost any capacity is simply not beneficial. Other than you guys, two divorced men I am friends with, and one chick who witnessed my wife’s meltdown and knows what really happened, very few people seem to get it.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

[MeshakParticipant 280]

You are free and never going back. Be thankful for that. The rest is but a nasty distraction.

Meshak

[Anonymous 13]

In EVERY single divorce on the planet the man is ALWAYS villanised.

She starts it, others gossip and finish you off. She can’t lie, she’s the woman and you’re just an abuser now.

There’s NOTHING you can do.

Only course of action is full detachment from that previous life.

TERMINATE ALL TIES.

She’s your Ex for a reason.

It was bad enough you had to live that s~~~, without constantly now revisiting it.

Life is too short.

RUTHLESSLY TERMINATE ALL TIES.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Only course of action is full detachment from that previous life.
TERMINATE ALL TIES.
She’s your Ex for a reason.

Just got back from dropping the alimony/child support payment at the mailbox. I’m telling you that because I pay a King’s ransom every month to be able to detach from that previous life. And it’s worth every goddamn penny.

For what it’s worth. I read something when I was going through my divorce. “If you want something, you have to give it.” If you want love, you have to give it. If you want respect, you have to give it. You cannot expect someone to respect you if you don’t have any respect for them. So, if you’re not getting something, ask yourself if you are giving it. If you aren’t then you are the problem. If you are, then they are the problem.

When I read that, I immediately felt about 50 pounds lighter. Because I KNEW right at that time that my ex quit on our relationship about 10 years ahead of me. And I no longer carried any guilt on my part. I tried, she didn’t. End of story. And she can talk s~~~ and poison other people all she wants. I just made the payment. Not my circus, not my monkey.

Order the good wine

[Knight of the ApocalypseParticipant 326]

Anonymous wrote:

In EVERY single divorce on the planet the man is ALWAYS villanised.

She starts it, others gossip and finish you off. She can’t lie, she’s the woman and you’re just an abuser now.

There’s NOTHING you can do.

Only course of action is full detachment from that previous life.

TERMINATE ALL TIES.

She’s your Ex for a reason.

It was bad enough you had to live that s~~~, without constantly now revisiting it.

Life is too short.

RUTHLESSLY TERMINATE ALL TIES.

You will always be the bad guy in not only her eyes but the eyes of her friends and family and there isn’t a damn thing you can do or say to change that. Cut all ties and move forward with your life. The best revenge is to not be like your enemy. You have a new life to live, get to it.

"Just ignore everything women say and nothing will annoy you ever again." - Cu Chulainn

[Back in BlackParticipant 1732]

I went through a similar situation. Actually, this site helped me tremendously when I was in that state. When I first stumbled on this site I was just at the early stages of my divorce and was in shock.

Just reading the other mens’ introductions and stories was eye opening and helped me not feel so alone and wondering what I did that was so wrong. That led her to lie and cheat on me and act like a general scumbag. My ex would always say I was being “mean”. WTF?

Once during a conversation (when we were still together) I raised one eye brow (didn’t even realize I did it) and she burst into tears and said I was being mean and abusive. I had no f~~~ing idea what she was talking about until she pointed out that I had raised one of my eyebrows at her. I still am not clear how this was “mean” and “abusive” but I was so f~~~ing blue pill that for the next and final two years of our marriage I very consciously tried not to raise my eyebrow when talking with her. She still found evidence I was “mean”.

I am kind of rambling but, dude, I am pretty damn sure you did nothing to justify her f~~~ed up behavior. She is just talking s~~~ and making up lies to make you look bad and herself the victim. The sad thing is, most people will automatically believe her; that you MUST have done something, otherwise why the f~~~ would she have left you. Amiright?

Women: truly manipulative, lying, selfish and masters of deception.

"Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted—in a word, are big children all their lives, something intermediate between the child and the man, who is a man in the strict sense of the word. Consider how a young girl will toy day after day with a child, dance with it and sing to it; and then consider what a man, with the very best intentions in the world, could do in her place.” Quote from Arthur Shopenhauer, 17th century philosopher

[NeroParticipant 1466]

Knowing female nature, I went on a pre-emptive strike to family and friends and cut her off from playing victim to a good percentage of our family/friends. It worked perfectly, and I give zero f~~~s about the high road. The high road is what I took for nearly 20 years of marriage. I was not about to let her villianize me. F~~~ that! Anyway, I highly recommend it, and I sleep just fine at night with my reputation intact.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

AWALT…She will realize later too late how f~~~ed up she is…Just wait for the wall to hit her and you have your laughter…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[RorschachParticipant 2083]

Foolish foolish simps. We’ll see what happens with this new guy

New guy same old crazy. You already know what hes in for. Better him than you. Good on you for ditching the bitch. Lesson learned.

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"....... and i'll look down and whisper "No."

[AwakenedParticipant 35202]

Isn’t it NICE ?

Isn’t it REALLY REALLY NICE ?

To just NOT GIVE a F~~~ about ANY of THEM !!

It’s just a matter of time before that whole new marriage thing blows up, but who the f~~~ cares anyways ???

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Anonymous 18]

Women and feminized men are emotional creatures.

They are seeking some joy out of your hardships. Do not let parasites get their fix off of you.

What they deserve is reality-TV and being drained by the social programming even further.

Only truth is time. It does a great job in proving your points for you.

[StealthParticipant 5339]

Anonymous wrote:

Only truth is time. It does a great job in proving your points for you.

My intuition tells me to relax and let truth unfold. I’m not sure what this means exactly, but I guess I’ll find out.

BackInBlack, your eyebrow story is about what I was dealing with…except that I always realized the name-calling was a smokescreen…an irrational spiking of the punch in the absence of anything real, the birthing of a victim card with the goal of convincing people that I am responsible for any of her actions that follow or get discovered.

Anyone else with critical thinking skills should be able to see through this withut even trying.

My intent from this post was not to get into the specifics of my divorce, but (in addition to blowing off steam) to observe how blue pill people seem committed to transferring blame (thank you for that term,Joetech) in order to maintain their fantasies, and how absurd that looks, and how keeping my mouth shut still seems like the best option.

"Once you’ve taken care of the basics, there’s very little in this world for which your life is worth deferring." -David Hansson. "It’s not when women are mean or nasty that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s when they are NICE to you that you have to be on high alert..." -Jackinov.

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