Futility

[GeraldParticipant 3638]

As I deal with the ongoing fallout from the dissolution of my relationship which was abruptly ended with my wife’s passing (we were separated about 7 months when it happened) and the tribulations of going through all of that…

I’ve been dealing with the feeling of futility. I think this is likely a normal stage in the red pill process, as you find yourself alone and with little in the resource department, you find your time feels like you are not accomplishing as much as you could. I have started to feel like a lot of the things I do are useless, a waste of time, etc.

Perhaps this is the realization that a lot of things I used to do, didn’t really matter. Or that they were only done to keep a relationship going. In reality, I find that there is a lot more time on my hands… yet with minimal incentive to do much I find myself stagnant.

The solution for this is in front of me, and as a man I know what it is. I know i need to get up off my ass and do something. Anything. I have done small tasks like starting to dig through years of memories and collections of ‘stuff’ and stripping them down to only what I absolutely want or need to keep. I have started cleaning, cleaning EVERYTHING and finding out how messy it all was. Yet it still feels futile.

I have to find a purpose again, something to drive me forward. I find that I lean back towards working on a relations~~~, but don’t want to go that way. I know I need to get back in the gym, get my eating back on a healthy path, and continue to drive my work and finances back into order. I do need to find a better pastime than TV, which is an idiot box i use solely to pass the time. I started reading again last night but it is just reading without purpose.

I think the true answer, and I expect many of you will have opinions on this, is to just start doing ‘something’ to end the feeling of futility. I think that ‘something’ has to be working out to help boost the good feelings I should be experiencing, along with cleaning out the fridge and freezer and putting some healthier food in there. I also need to get the lead out and read something technical or learn a new task. That will help motivate me in the corporate world to get my ass back in gear and perform well again.

How have you all dealt with the feeling of futility after your relations~~~ ended?

No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

[AwakenedParticipant 35209]

We are “trained/brainwashed” by the Matrix that Life is supposed to have “purpose” and “meaning”, and that is all part of the trap which leads us to become disposable utilitarian items to be used by a wife and family while also producing goods and/or services to keep the Matrix rolling along.

Life is just Life. We are HERE Breathing, Eating, Drinking, and S~~~ting one moment, and literally Dead the Next.

YOU can attach WHATEVER Meaning that YOU CHOOSE to Life, and this is a GOOD THING. YOUR MEANING DOESN”T have to take the form of involving others in a “relationship”, or anything even related. YOU HAVE FREEDOM TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES ABOUT WHAT YOU DEEM TO BE IMPORTANT.

You mentioned something about starting with TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF like eating and exercising etc. Personally, I think this can only help, but then again, that’s ALL UP TO YOU.

Don’t be AFRAID of YOUR FREEDOM !!

In a World of Justin Beibers Be a Johnny Cash

[Old BuckParticipant 3596]

Going from a servitude lifestyle to a sovereign lifestyle is quite a change. It seems confusing, but only because the connections in the brain (synapsis) has changed along with your environment.

Its like getting on a motorcycle for the first time, it almost feels like a dream.

Start a new hobby, something you always wanted to do but weren’t able to do before. Work out or other self improvement, and repeat it on a schedule. You are reprogramming yourself. 👌

Don't chase tail. Turn yours around, walk away, and live free!

[CombatRollParticipant 2595]

First off and this may sound callous, but you are on lucky bastard!! I know you don’t feel that way right now.

I left my Selfish One recently and immediately I felt happy, free and at peace with it.

However, I have been in a low period of my life before so I can relate.

My advice, having been there is to MAKE yourself get up off your ass and do some fun things. They may not seem “fun” at first but keep doing them. Do not get sedentary and fall further into a funk.

The gym is good and eating healthy is good. Do you have some guy buddies that you can hang out with and do some stuff with?

If not, find some groups centered around hobbies. I don’t know where you live but there is an app called “Meet Up”. People with the same interests and hobbies arrange outings.

You have been in a life of servitude for way too long. Splurge on yourself a bit. Take an exotic trip. Take a long weekend to the Bahamas (do you live in the states?).

Learn to scuba dive, backpack, hike, etc. Join a beginners running group. GET OUT AND LIVE. Even if you aren’t excited about it make yourself and then you will eventually pull out of the funk and be back in the saddle and having fun.

We are here for ya. Reach out if you need us.

[Daryll55Participant 2958]

Don’t worry bud the futility phase will pass. You have it all written down in your statement so you KNOW what to do.
First thing is: RELAX! Give it all a little time. This will help you sort out your priorities. Next is to just notice the difference one of your “accomplishments” make(s). You’ll get a (hands on your hips) “This is good” moment. Once that happens you will no longer feel the futility but the utility of your NEW LIFE.

Marry again, Hell NO ! ( Even JESUS was hung on a cross just once)

[GrumpyParticipant]

Take a nap, go fishing, or read a book.
The only accomplishments I worry about now is whether or not I am enjoying what I do in MY life.
To hell with what anyone else thinks or suggests that I should accomplish.

There was a time in my life when I gave a fuck. Now you have to pay ME for it

[Anonymous 0]

I am also widowed, 11 years now
Here’s what helped me
Buy a motorcycle or a trike.
Get a liscense.
Leave at dawn one morning and get lost.
“Don’t know where I’m goin’
But I will know when I get there”
Theme song to “Paint Your Wagon” Great movie!!
You will meet lots of nice people and new perspectives.

[Freeman_KParticipant 3524]

I think most people struggle with this. Majority go for the script – marriage, kids, house, dog. And think this solves anything.

It doesn’t. When this is taken away you see what was always there.

One step at a time, but finding hobbies help. Finding what you like to do and then do it. But the most important thing is to not look for another relationship to fill the void, because it will not fill it.

The choices we make, not the chances we take, determine our destiny

[Author]

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