Why is the man who invests your money called a “broker”?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Can atheists get insurance for an act of God?
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Can you plan a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
If you speak only one language, are you lingual?
How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.
How can they arrest you for being ‘legally drunk’? If it’s legal, why is there a problem?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
What do Greeks say when they don’t understand something?
Why do we recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Why do they call them “Free Gifts”? Aren’t all gifts free?
If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn’t he get the reward money?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do people say “heads up” when you should duck?
Why don’t women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If one man says, “it was an uphill battle,” and another says, “it went downhill from there,” how could they both be having troubles?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an ‘s’ in the word “lisp”?
Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?
If a taxicab driver were to drive backwards, would he end up owing his passenger money?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
If you melt dry ice, could you swim without getting wet?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full
Why do they call it “raw sewage”? Is there any other kind?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Do stuttering people stutter when they’re thinking to themselves?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why does a priceless object cost more than a pricey one?
Why is it good to be “under par” in golf, but bad to be “under par” in anything else?
Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
If you had a three story house and were in the second floor, isn’t it possible that you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?
Does a ‘Marks-A-Lot’ marker, mark any more than a regular marker?
If you really could dig a hole to China, and you did, and you fell in, would you stop in the middle because of gravity?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
What happens when you put a lightsaber in water?
On Gilligan’s Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver’s license?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why are the obituaries found in the “living” section of the newspaper?
Why people are so scared of mice, which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Mickey Mouse, who is bigger than us?
Why do ‘fat chance’ and ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
If something “goes without saying”, why do people still say it?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
Why do we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy? Isn’t that the way we normally are?
Why does a dog get mad at you when you blow in his face, but stick his head out the window when you take him for a car ride?
Doesn’t a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?
When French people swear, do they say “pardon my English?”
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do they call steam rollers, steam rollers? They don’t produce, get rid of, or have anything to do with steam.
What is another word for “thesaurus”?
what starts with F and ends with uck firetruck
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?
When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path?
If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?
Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do they call the little candy bars “fun sizes”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
How can something be “new” and “improved”? if it’s new, what was it improving on?
Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Is a pessimist’s blood type B-negative?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
How come I cannot find Chicken Soup for the Chicken’s Soul?
Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon?
Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and no shirt while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants?
Why do people sing “Take me out to the ball game” when they are already there?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
If you hate all prejudice people, are you a hypocrite?
Can someone yell “movie” in a crowded firehouse?
Why is it only drug dealers and software developers call their clients ‘users’?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you mated a Bulldog with a S~~~su what would you get?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date
Is Atheism a non-prophet organization?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why do Pharmacies make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front check out counter?
Why haven’t we come up with something better than sliced bread in the last 80 years?
Why is ‘Charlie’ short for ‘Charles’ if they are both the same number of letters?
If fat people go skinny dipping, shouldn’t they call it ”chunky dunking”?
If you strangle a smurf what color would it turn?
Are part-time band leaders called semi-conductors?
Why is the only way to get a clear conscience to have a bad memory?
Can you plan to be spontaneous?
Do kleptomaniacs help themselves, because they can’t help themselves?
Is it okay to shoot tourists during tourist season?
I was bound to be misunderstood, and I laugh at those who misunderstand me. Kind mockery at the well intentioned, but unfettered cruelty towards those would be prison guards of my creative possibilities. This so as to learn as much from misunderstanding as from understanding. Taking pleasure in worthy opponents and making language fluid and flowing like a river yet pointed and precise as a dagger. Contradicts the socialistic purpose of language and makes for a wonderful linguistic dance, A verbal martial art with constant parries that hone the weapon that is the two edged sword of my mouth.
Anonymous 1 year, 11 months ago.
