Forgiving oneself

[ghostParticipant]

I would like to credit @Macho for providing the inspiration to write this thread.

Many of us, including myself, have a tendency to be overly critical of ourselves and the mistakes we have made in our past or continue to make. We are not born perfect and will make plenty of mistakes in life.

Forgiving ourselves is probably the best thing we can do in order to heal. Being patient with ourselves as we learn and grow can do wonders for our overall well-being. Every mistake we make provides us an opportunity to learn and grow. We would not be who we are today if not for those mistakes and lessons learned. We will not get to where we want to go without being comfortable with additional failure and new opportunities for personal and professional growth.

Forgiving ourselves is the first step in moving on from failure and using that as a lesson for future success.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

ghost wrote:

Forgiving ourselves

Prefer to look at it as a constant work in progress. So even if you’re wrong, or make mistakes, you don’t have to beat yourself up, or even “forgive yourself” ….. because 90% of the s~~~ men tend to blame themselves for is baggage we can leave at the door.

You’re a “work in progress”.
Constantly refining yourself.
Honing your opinions etc.

When someone is hard on you for something and they try to make a dig….
“Ya well, what can I say. I’m a work in progress”.

Have the same attitude about yourself. It lightens the burden a bit, and even feels good to say without having to defend or explain yourself too much.

The more noble and perfect something is, the longer it takes to reach maturity. It’s OK to admit you’re not all figured out yet. Takes the pressure off.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[ghostParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

You’re a “work in progress”.
Constantly refining yourself.
Honing your opinions etc.

That’s a nice way to look at it. Thanks, Keymaster.

Keymaster wrote:

The more noble and perfect something is, the longer it takes to reach maturity. It’s OK to admit you’re not all figured out yet. Takes the pressure off.

Definitely.

[RemovedParticipant 4676]

To truly live life, you have to experience it. To do so risks many chances of mistakes; and if not for those mistakes, we never learn become anything better. Exactly as Keymaster says, work in progress. Each mistake makes us wiser, as long as we learn from it.

[MACHOParticipant]

A Big Thank You to you Gambit and Keymaster! I guess the word will be out now that Macho / Hulk has a Heart 😉

You must own a better Crystal ball than I

[Old RottweilerParticipant 1520]

Before MGTOW I constantly analyzed why my relationships with women had failed. I knew the reasons, but since they all failed I thought the common denominator was me.

Now I clearly see the common denominator was that all the relationships were with women.

With women, the only way to win is to not play.

[ghostParticipant]

Old Rottweiler wrote:

With women, the only way to win is to not play.

We are a unique breed of men who have arrived at the same conclusion.

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Years ago, after being dumped by a single mother with 3 young kids, I beat myself up pretty badly over it. To add to my pain, this person then told me ” you need serious counseling or all your future relationships with women will fail”.

For years I believed her and blamed myself. That was 16 years ago. Today I recognize this train wreck was the problem – not me. She did me a favor by kicking me to the curb. A single mom with three children should not be doling out advice on relationships to any man.

[Mr.BlueParticipant 614]

This hits home Gambit. I have always been over-critical of myself which is a good thing because it pushes me to become better in every aspect of my life. However, It was also hard for me to move on from things because I would always think how I could have made a bad situation better when sometimes it’s just not under our control.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Old Rottweiler wrote:

Before MGTOW I constantly analyzed why my relationships with women had failed. I knew the reasons, but since they all failed I thought the common denominator was me.

Now I clearly see the common denominator was that all the relationships were with women.

Thoughts perfectly aligned.
With @truthseeker82 too.

I once approached it promised myself to put up with bulls~~~ I never would, just to try and make it work…. because I thought previously it HAD to be me. It wasn’t. I concluded women don’t have (or lost) the ability to bond with men in any meaningful way.

Worst mistake was blaming myself.
But even worse, was listening to them when they blamed me for their own issues.

IDGAF suddenly hit me at age 38 and I was all smiles about it. One girl started “You know what your problem is???”….. and I just told her my problem is her, and she should LEAVE – right now. It was terrific.

Solved.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[ghostParticipant]

Truthseeker82 wrote:

I beat myself up pretty badly over it.

I’ve been there many times, mate. Nature has programmed us men to be this way for the sake of our species. Nature doesn’t care about us individuals. Women also suffer from programming bias, which has made things difficult for them in our current environment.

Truthseeker82 wrote:

She did me a favor by kicking me to the curb.

She did herself a huge disservice but she didn’t know any better. I’m glad you are in a much better place in life now.

Mr.Blue wrote:

sometimes it’s just not under our control.

That’s the difficulty but I think it gets easier to accept this as we build more experience.

[ghostParticipant]

Keymaster wrote:

I concluded women don’t have (or lost) the ability to bond with men in any meaningful way.

I think this was essential to our survival as a species in an earlier era. Evolution takes a lot longer than a few thousand or a couple hundred years.

I am surprised we are not educating the public en masse about these things.

[Anonymous 43]

I remember being at a point where I could not forgive myself and was willing to die to make up for my shortcomings.

[ghostParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember being at a point where I could not forgive myself and was willing to die to make up for my shortcomings.

Yup, been there as well. Glad you chose the better option too.

[narrow road travelerParticipant 1680]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember being at a point where I could not forgive myself and was willing to die to make up for my shortcomings.

In my observation there are two broad catagories of men.

One category are men that believe honor is a cup that can be emptied. When this type of man believes his cup is empty suicide is on his horizon.

The other category of man believes that honor is like a spring. If empty it’s excruciatingly painful, but honor can be regenerated. These types of men wheather hard storms in life and keep smiling.

I know I’ve been in both camps, now I tend more towards the second category. Thank God in heaven.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. --Sun Tsu

[BushidoParticipant 637]

Keymaster wrote:

Prefer to look at it as a constant work in progress. So even if you’re wrong, or make mistakes, you don’t have to beat yourself up, or even “forgive yourself” ….. because 90% of the s~~~ men tend to blame themselves for is baggage we can leave at the door.

You’re a “work in progress”.
Constantly refining yourself.
Honing your opinions etc.

When someone is hard on you for something and they try to make a dig….
“Ya well, what can I say. I’m a work in progress”.

Have the same attitude about yourself. It lightens the burden a bit, and even feels good to say without having to defend or explain yourself too much.

The more noble and perfect something is, the longer it takes to reach maturity. It’s OK to admit you’re not all figured out yet. Takes the pressure off.

@keymaster, that’s the mindset I need to implement more often.

We Men do so many things, seeing progress and success in everything we do. The very idea that we could only consider something “half-done” or “incomplete” implies that we have failed in some way.

No.

You will not be the same person today that you will be tomorrow. Your past is not guaranteed to be your future. There are so many experiences left for each of us to live and we cannot even comprehend the effect they could have on us.

I might not be proud of who I am today, but you know what? “I’m a work in progress.” I may not be perfect today, but I will be better tomorrow.

Thanks for that bit of thought, Keymaster.

Logic guides your actions, emotion guides your morals. Only you may decide how you use them.

[Author]

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