First Post…Here Goes….

[Anonymous 4]

Hi guys..

 

First off, I feel like you are kindred spirits to a philosophy I have espoused since I was young! I truly thought I was the king of the He Man Woman Hater’s Club but I found this movement of sorts and that there were MANY other’s out there! Kudos.

 

Quick run down…First off I’m married…I know I know, I f~~~ed up but I didn’t get married until I was 39 (now44) and was very worldly..I’ve been a professional musician my entire life so I look young played all over the world, lived in exotic locals and slept with a lot of women along the way..some VERY beautiful some cute….But definitely enough to have their game completely down and call BS on them.

I’ve always been an Alpha Male but not a player as I never gave a s~~~ about putting in too much effort and due to that confidence, intelligence, being a musician they always came around. Plus I’ve never taken women’s s~~~ which of course as we all know, makes them want you even more…Anway, for some stupid ass reason, I hit a bad time in my 30’s starting wondering if I was ever gonna meet “the one”, got depressed, had a girl “friend” who was actually in love with me, manipulate me into this weird sycophantic room mate/friend relationship where she basically c~~~ blocked me from any chance of hooking up which drove me into a deep depression, but i cared so much about her and her feelings that I wouldn’t cut it off. Consequently, I sunk further into the mire and blackness! I got Fat, didn’t give a s~~~, blew off every finding “the one”. This went on until I was 37 and had had enough so I booked myself long term gigs in Europe for my escape. I was living in Alaska at the time playing full time and my plan worked..Basically i withdrew from the roommate, found myself again, starting getting laid in EU, lost the weight, became my bad ass self again! I also never went home again other than to move my stuff out in 09.

So feeling good, laying incredible russian, Scandinavian, German, Irish women etc I ended up starting something up with an old friend back in the US. I would fly back to see her and it felt so familiar. We’re from the same home state, had a history etc I fell for her. I guess I thought THIS IS MY CHANCE and I need to take it. This girl was always funny, happy go lucky and had a kind heart. She wasn’t a slut but she had come out of a long term relationship of 6 years and had 2 kids!!!! Holy f~~~ing s~~~ what was I thinking!!!…EVERYONE tried to warn me….Anyway the dumbass I am abandon’s all my plans of travel for 4 months, go back to Europe gig a couple months, travel, bed exotic women, rinse repeat, and goes to NJ to be with her. There were many red flags that I ignored and I fell in love with her boys, 3 and 6. However my dreams of my own family were crushed when she admitted that she had her tubes tied after the last one and also she was 38 at time…Another f~~~ up. I almost abandoned the relationship and my mother, grandmother EVERY CLOSE FRIEND, et all..advised me to do so..Like a loyal dumbass I made excuses and stayed..well I was flying back to Europe the first year every other month playing cruise ships that paid REALLY well and I even blew that off because I wanted to be with her..

I’ll say the entire time I wasn’t kissing her ass spending all my cash on her, she wasn’t living off me or anything and I never took any s~~~ from her. We got married about a year and a half after we got together in 2010. I honestly don’t know how we made it the first couple years. Some of those fights, all based around the kids and the dynamic with me in the picture. By then we were in Nashville, I was writing and producing trying to make a go of it and she was working full time days, I was raising the boys so there was that dynamic. I almost left a few times..Took years to get that dynamic worked out but it’s good now. The boys are almost 10 and 13 and can stay home by themselves when I gig etc but I feel I made a big mistake marrying this woman.

Although I think she loves me, there are problems. Specifically, she works 60+ hours as a Restaurant manager and is starting to have weird change of life issues. All of that makes it so i’m lucky to get laid a few times a month..Dude, I’m having to take care of myself like a champ because even at 44 my libido has always been VERY VERY high and it still is. Also, I’m lucky to get a blowjob a year!..After the first  year or so it became like that. When we do f~~~, it’s great, she comes a lot, etc but it’s not enough and of course there’s the problem of me wanted to f~~~ EVERY SINGLE HOT YOUNG GIRL I SEE..That started a few years ago around 40..Was surprising and due to the fact that I keep myself looking good, I never smoked, drank or did drugs, no grey, I look 10-12 years younger than I am AND get hit on by young chicks..Wedding ring and all…I’ve been very temped. Im not very stimulated intellectually by the wife and I knew that about her going in. She was funny and cute when she was younger and we first met (1998) but not in my intelligence league. She readily admits that as well but also, she has no outside hobbies, interests friends etc. She’s Nice unless she is being a firey ass Italian Jersey Philly girl and then we fight HARD. I NEVER capitulate but lately get very sarcastic or just plane unemotional and blase about it all..Again, like I don’t give a s~~~. I’ve gone though months at a time where I can’t stand her!!!..I resent not getting head, not f~~~ing me enough, get sick of fighting about it etc…

The main reason I stay is I’m loyal and I’ve been raising the boys in the 6th year now and although they do see their dad 2 months in the summer and at holidays, skype every night etc I have a connection with them. I know they aren’t mine and never will be but they have kept me here. But I see it ending.

I don’t NEED a woman and never have. That’s always an issue because I spend lots of time doing my own thing, learning, practicing, reading etc. She might bitch but she’s usually working and I do my thing regardless. After raisin these kids and knowing it’s going to blow up at some point and the fact that women out there suck (my wife is actually a good person though) I feel like all I need from a woman going forward is pussy. To an extent I feel trapped but I feel guilt when I think of splitting up from her. I wasn’t the primary bred winner and only started making as much as her this year, but I WAS the babysitter, houseman. She would never have been able to work full time were she not married to me.

So, I need sex, want younger and prettier get along pretty good with my wife although i’m not stimulated. I’m still reasonably attracted to her although she’s a good 30lbs heavier than she was when we got together and I’m constantly on her about losing it, working out etc. We don’t have much in common other than being from the same area, similar values…but she’s getting older and i’m becoming less attracted to her by the minute and HUNGRY for younger hotter. I don’t think I’m in love with her either. I thought I was but how can I be?

 

F~~~ed up situation and I don’t know how to get myself out of it. We have a home (rent don’t own!), 2 cars we own and finance together but the kids aren’t mine. I wouldn’t be cleaned out financially if we split up..I want to travel, do man s~~~ and be free not to have to hear it. I’ll do it anyway but I’m sick of hearing the bitching. Bearing all that in mind and my long ass diatribe if you’ve gotten this far, what would you guys do? I think if I start f~~~ing around to satisfy my need for younger more beautiful and just more SEX in general, she would find out and stab me through the heart.

 

[avillaxParticipant 280]

To be honest I wouldn’t leave. It sounds that she’s a standard ‘person’ instead of a crazy bitch like many of us have gone through, having something stable such as kids even if they’re not your own I think is a good thing, at least you’re raising them and they probably love you too.

Sex a few times per month is the standard. People here are lucky if they get sex a few times per year.

You will never find the perfect woman, never!!!! Get that in your head. I know you’re an artist and you’re passionate and that’s why you wanted to settle down but the perfect marriage does not exist, the perfect relationship doesn’t exist.

What I would do, however, is to get laid with the chicks you meet in your gig, specially at cruises and trips (there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, we’re not property, nobody owns us, don’t let anyone judge you, but keep it secret), there is no way she’s gonna find out and if she does, you don’t have much to lose. But going through divorce s~~~ is a nightmare you want to avoid if things are not as bad as they sound. Divorce can actually leave you crippled for life.

[experiencedParticipant]

One problem with perfect effing around on her while you’re miles away is the question of,  Who is she effing: the milkman, the paperboy, the groceryboy? For decades this question has been answered with dead silence.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Crazy CanuckMember 4215]

Sounds like your marriage is head the path of destruction. You need to see a divorce lawyer, if she isn’t willing to do anything to improve the marriage why bother at all? Make sure you don’t have to pay child support or anything like that, really want to make sure. If you have money saved so you can move out that’s a good thing if not you should start saving as much as possible.

I am 46 and never been married, it’s the greatest ever. I don’t have sex though I just couldn’t be bother.

"If pussy was a stock it would be plummeting right now because you've flooded the market with it. You're giving it away too easy." - Dave Chapelle

[Anonymous 4]

experienced wrote:

One problem with perfect effing around on her while you’re miles away is the question of, Who is she effing: the milkman, the paperboy, the groceryboy? For decades this question has been answered with dead silence.

Yea, I mean bottom line, she is a good person and loves our love life but I can’t hang with her schedule and I’m so damn attracted to these younger girls now that I almost buzz..She’s not a psycho and I’m not on the hook for the kids, we have a couple cars together financed but I don’t stand to lose much if we broke up. There’s no alimony and even if there were, she was the main bread winner for 5 years. Basically I could chill, most of the time she’s working and I can do my own thing, I can even take trips if I ever had the $$ although she would be envious because she has to work but I’ve made it clear from the beginning She made her bed, had kids with a Jerkoff she was never planning on marrying, 13 years younger!! She got Baby Rabies in her early 30’s and he was there! Classic Dumbass Female maneuver. The dad pays every month etc so it’s all good. I have time to hit the gym, play guitar and do my thing while she works 60hrs a week..Basically I just need to get laid!..I feel guilty but I guess we have to do what we have to do right? I’m sure she would or women and general certainly do. Thanks!

[Robert HallamParticipant 696]

For a first posting, very interesting.  I have one suggestion and if it appeals to you, you own it.

I know a guy in a similar situation and he sat his wife down at an opportune moment and told her he either had to leave the marriage or she had to agree to an open marriage.  In this case she had already had, but just given up, an extra-marital affair, which he had just discovered but not forgiven, and had triggered this whole scenario. She desperately wanted to preserve the marriage.  This guy had two kids as well, but they were his.  At first, the wife in this case went nuts on him, but realized she was forced into having to think about it.   Of course there would have to be ground rules.  No-one they knew, not in their home, must use protection, no questions, etc.

First of all it preserved the marriage.  He wouldn’t have to feel that he had to leave the marriage.  A divorce would be avoided.  The two kids would still have two parents.  The finances and shared expenses would carry on as usual.  Responsibilities for domestic duties, yard work, and repairs would be the same.   Basically no change.  However, she would be completely free to screw whoever she pleased and he would be afforded the same opportunity.  In this case, which is different than yours, she had already had an extra-marital affair, which he had not forgiven (basically his reason for coming up with the idea for an open marriage).  In his case, they would be sleeping in different rooms and they would not be having sexual intercourse.

The down side was that the wife felt that she was getting older and had no apatite for hitting the bar seen, or start dating again.  She really wanted the marriage to work, she didn’t want a bunch of one night stands, just a solid long term relationship (really the marriage).  She felt that if she was in an open marriage situation all she would attract would be losers.  He on the other hand, said take it or leave it. The only way he was going to placate her  desire to remain married was if it was an open marriage.  He of course knew that his options in the choice of partners was far more varied.  He could date women half his age all the way up to women older than he was.   The women could be single, divorced, single mothers (Milfs), cheating marrieds, women looking to hook up, one night stands, etc.  Although he had this huge range of choices, he was actually only interested in finding a new sole mate, and a long term relationship that replaced his wife, who he could no longer respect.

So there you have it.

[Anonymous 4]

Robert, my wife loves me and would be VERY VERY Hurt if I asked her for an open marriage and moreover I don’t want any other men f~~~ing her. I would like to f~~~ her more and this is the crux of the issue. She’s also very jealous and if she found out, she would probably cut me open.

Like I said, she’s a good person and I care about her. I sound like a scumbag here…But damn, why the hell did we men have to be made this way? I just flat out want other women.

[TheBeastParticipant 79]

It all pretty much boils down to what you want to do, without considering others.

Tell her that you can’t stand having sex so little and that she stopped being attractive to you, if she doesn’t fix that you’re going to leave. Give her a choice, but in a limited area. Allow no excuses(!!), just the outcome.

[Author]

Posts