Finally owning my MGTOW story…….

[Vajra VarahaParticipant 1284]

I wrote out everything I wanted to say in my intro and it was over 25 pages long. Just too much, so I pared it down to focus on the second most painful event in my life. The most painful was the Death of the Soulmate Delusion. But, it just takes too much space to cover that epic red pill.

So, here we go. I’ve been lurking in various MGTOW themed area for years. Never intended to talk about this stuff. But with everything going on in the world, I felt it was time to own my MGTOW story. And hopefully help some poor sucker avoid the pain and suffering so many of us are going thru.

What’s in a Name?
My spiritual explorations are the main path for how I travel my own way. So naturally it colors everything I do. If during the course of this narrative you are wondering why in the hell I chose to do something, it probably has to do with spiritual beliefs I’m skipping over. Expansion of consciousness and self-development are key components to the man I want to be.

Vajra is a Sanskrit term for Thunderbolt and Diamond.
Varaha is the name of an Avatar of Vishnu that literally pulled the world out of the waters of chaos.
 
Wikipedia the names if you want to go more in depth.

The definition of my chosen name is:
1.      The indestructible fully awakened mind of enlightenment which is like thunder and lightning.
2.      The more literal interpretation is: The rock hard diamond c~~~ of the wild boar god. :-). 
Remember boys, be a divine dick! God told you to. Save your world! #V2
 
So here we go…f~~~ once upon a time. This ain’t no fairy tale.

I grew up in a hillbilly small town in Appalachia. Dad was from the wrong side of the tracks and mom was about the same. I was not treated well by the community. Dad was a Viet Nam vet which of course meant he was absent from my childhood due to the demons he was dealing with. Mom filled my head with all sorts of things that I later learned were thought bombs women program us all with, setting us up for some other woman to come along and yank our chain. Thanks mom.

So I was your typical hungry, socially awkward, hard working lower class white male struggling to pull himself up by the boot straps. Being who I was, a nice southern gentleman, abnormally smart, pathologically nice, hardworking, with ethics, meant of course I was never going to get any female attention growing up. Worked my ass off thinking when I got to college things would change. Nope. The high school popularity machine just gets worse since there’s even less adult input. Didn’t matter anyway. I was broke and had to pay for my entire school myself. Even went a little malnourished at one point and my hair fell out for awhile. I earned an EMT certification and a real estate license I was so hungry to succeed WHILE attending college for Biology/Pre-med with lets just say a lot more thrown in. There were years where I worked at night, school in the daytime, with 4 hours of sleep except when I could catch up on my single day off. No time for socialization. I was going to make something of myself. Idiot.

So my brilliant, hardworking, lonely ass got accepted to med school. Had prepared so well as an undergrad I sailed thru the book work. I actually had more time on my hands than when I was an undergrad. Still no female interest. I can’t believe the stories I am skipping over here to save space. Got to my third year of med school where we start rotating in hospitals. At the same time I finally got my first girlfriend, had my first kiss, and lost my virginity all in rapid succession. I was about 25. She was a fairly intelligent woman studying architecture. I did every typical nice guy, white knight, Capn’ Save a Ho routine known to man because I just didn’t know any better. She worked as a brand representative for electronics companies. She drove a new car, had new clothes, a pair of implants, and a 10k diamond ring. While my brain was going “hey something ain’t right here” and “what does she expect from me with all this?”, I plunged ahead just being ecstatic to no longer be single. Never did figure out how she was paying for all that stuff. Doesn’t matter, I was soon to experience the Apocalypse.

My first few clinical months were under a great male family doc. I was wildly successful and grew in confidence. I wasn’t single. Things were great. Then I went to my first hospital rotation. My attending was a femi-nazi C~~~. But being the dutiful med student I followed my orders to the letter. She felt medicine had failed women focusing too much on the men. So she ordered every doc under her to perform full head to toe textbook physical exams on women. No skipping parts. So I was sent to see this woman who had been admitted with severe abdominal pain. Did exactly as I was instructed. The ER doc, Internal medicine doc, an OB/GYN, and at least 3 interns/residents all said she had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. Which is when untreated STD’s spread into a woman’s abdomen. Me, the dumbass med student, found all the classic signs for acute appendicitis. I was so excited that I had just found something everyone else missed, I wasn’t thinking of protecting myself and performed the breast exam and genital exam (external not internal) and forgot to call in a witness. The next day, I reported my findings to my team. She had an emergency CT Scan and immediate surgery that saved her life. I was right. It was the first and last time I was ever proud about being a doctor.

The head doc of the hospital comes walking down the hall with one of our female interns in tow. I’ll never forget the s~~~ eating grin on her face. I was summoned to the admin department to find the head nurse of the hospital there as well. With a tape recorder. Of course, Im young, naive but had this horrible feeling I was about to get hurt. Turns out she filed a complaint stating I made her “uncomfortable.” They asked me to give my version of things. They declined to answer any of my questions and walked me out of the hospital. The wheels are spinning in my head and I came to the conclusion I was being hung out to dry. They didn’t care how it made me look, being walked out of the hospital. The next day, after zero sleep I went and found my dean. And the Twin Towers fell and my girlfriend was on a plane. Found out later she was fine but add that little gem to my day. Told him the entire story and man to man he looked me in the eyes and asked if I was guilty of anything. I said no sir. I owe my career to that man. He gave me he benefit of the doubt. Let me continue with school while everything was going to s~~~. And when I say s~~~ I mean, imagine completing med school with all the rumors and gossip flying. Every day was like walking down the Klingon Pain Ritual. The stares, the lies, the games, the persecution. Especially from women. And still having to complete the training to become a doctor. Only thing I was guilty of was doing an excellent job and saving her life.

The lawsuit drug on for two years. She claimed sexual assault. My phones were tapped. Private investigators followed me around. I developed PTSD. I never slept. When I did I had nightmares. Woke up drenched in sweat. Had constant thoughts about going to prison, being raped in prison, being made a sex offender, losing my entire career, you name it, it was a s~~~ show in my head. I was sent on every s~~~ detail known to man in the hospitals.
If there was something or someone no one wanted to deal with, I went. I became incredibly experienced.

One of the Chritmas’s I endured rolled around. The girlfriend I mentioned above struggled from the emotional pain I was suffering. She put forth a token effort but looking back I know I was treated like radioactive waste. She was waiting to see if I was viable long term. The support felt faked. We exchanged gifts. I got her a silver business card case and some jewelry with what little money I had. Put a lot of time into it. She got me a teddy bear. AFTER we had exchanged gifts we ended up in a fight. All I remember is the statement “I don’t think you ever loved me.” She said that dead pan, no emotion. It wasn’t spontaneous. It was planned. I told her if she could say that after everything I had done, I didn’t need to be here. I walked out. I skipped over a lot but I got her out of some horrible situations. She didn’t care. A month after I walked, I called her up to talk. Didn’t want to get back together. I just wanted to take a harder look at myself. She said she’d have to ask her boyfriend for permission. I said thanks, you just answered my questions. Awfully fast turnover if she wasn’t cheating…….she became a lawyer. Dodged that bullet at least.

Anyway, the time came for depositions for the lawsuit. She went first. I had been studying law every night before I went to bed. Wish I’d been enrolled somewhere while I did it. Could have picked up an extra degree. For two years every night after my medical work was done, I hit the law books. Except for my dean, everyone else was screwing me. The school lawyer and malpractice attorney wouldn’t talk to me. I had a long talk with my dad and he hired a private attorney at my request. Was the first time I ever felt he was taking care of me. We’ve grown closer over the years because of this. At least there’s that. So I took the radical approach and ignored the lawyers. I asked if I could be present at her deposition. They said it was completely legal but unheard of. I flew across country to attend. By god if this bitch was going to lie about me and ruin my life she was going to do it to my face. In her deposition she was revealed to have done time in jail for meth, that of course she claimed wasn’t hers but her boyfriends. She was found to have filed prior lawsuits against her employers looking for money. And the coup de grace was when she said she had been fantasizing that I must have wanted a relationship with her. With a s~~~ eating grin while she was saying it! The next day her lawyer offered to settle for what was basically his costs. The amount was so low I was told it communicated clearly to everyone it was a nuisance case. I agreed to settle. I knew what happened from my legal studies when you went before a jury. Case like this was a crap shoot for me. Her lawyer knew she was a horrible witness. I wasn’t about to play craps with my future any more. I was terrified the case was going to cause me problems later. It never really did. Oh I have tons more stories about how it affected things. How a doc I knew in residency, who looked like Adonis, was sleeping with patients and using illegal drugs. And because all the women loved him when I turned him in, they turned on me. He went scot free and I suffered for 4 years. But hey years later he lost his license for the same thing I tried to stop. And the lawyer who represented the bitch in my lawsuit lost his license for filing bogus lawsuits. Imagine that. All this was about 17 years ago.

And I went on to go full hermit/monk until I suffered the Death of the Soulmate Delusion. But that’s probably enough for now……..I have so many more stories but it’s the Death of the Soulmate Delusion that is the most painful. It didn’t just destroy what was left of my heart, it took out most of my faith in God as well. That was 10 years ago.

Men, if any of you are new or just looking around from curiosity, take all this very seriously.
It can save you years of pain and suffering. AWALT. There is not one episode where you can ever be safe if you are in a relationship with a woman. I know from personal experience. If you are becoming a doctor, don’t. I can give you hours of lectures on why becoming a doctor in todays world is financial and emotional suicide. Don’t ever trust a nurse. Since the 80’s nursing school has been actively training nurses to be feminists and undermine doctors. Things the corporate world are just now dealing with, we faced decades ago. It’s gotten even worse. You wouldn’t believe what’s coming. Look at the news. It’s coming for you. Don’t be alone with a woman at work. Don’t trust a woman. Not a single one will ever truly care for you. if you ever think to yourself NAWALT, slap yourself. It will be less pain than what you are setting yourself up for. You haven’t found a unicorn!

Someday maybe I’ll write about how my soulmate delusion was destroyed. But it takes so much to explain you wouldn’t believe I went thru it.

So, keep the faith men. MGTOW. AWALT.

It’s not #MeToo. It’s #V2. Vajra Varaha. Be indestructible. Be a dick. 🙂

[ghostParticipant]

Vajra Varaha wrote:

my soulmate delusion was destroyed

Good. Welcome to MGTOW.

[GargamelSpectator 29101]

Vajra Varaha,

every word of yours is gold.

All is exactly the way you tell it.

Please post all 25 pages in detail for those of us who will profit from it.

I also have a 25+ page introductory thread. 100’s of c~~~s were trying to break me during my childhood and youth.

I invite you to read it:

/forums/topic/gargamels-7-part-mgtow-story-introduction-as-a-work-in-progress/

In July of 2018, this honey pot forum was sold out to an unidentified NPC sock puppet and troll organization. Most independent thinkers and writers migrated to other MGTOW forums as a result of the never-ending infighting and deliberate trouble starting caused by members who were given "carte blanche" by the admin to do whatever they want. Before my departure, I only left a few thousand cat pics here to comfort and ridicule the feminist owners who now run this place. Their background agenda is to make MGTOW look like a club of losers the public eye. And during the course of 2019, they actually managed to destroy almost all other MGTOW venues as well. Here is the truth about "theindependentman.org" aka "TIM" which was created as an extended workbench to further divide the community. When you register, they install a spyware Zombie cookie on your browser that does all kinds of things the user does not know of: http://www.filedropper.com/essay-on-the-removal-of-malware-cookies-used-by-tim

[Vajra VarahaParticipant 1284]

Thanks Gargamel!

Wow, you really want the whole tamale?

Ok, but do you think I should post it here? Link to a PDF file? Post in segments?

I’m used to skimming this site but not posting. Don’t want to drive anyone nuts with a giant story they may not want to digest…. LOL

[AttonParticipant]

Write and a book Vajra Varaha, welcome.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[CarnageParticipant 22113]

Do as you wish, some will read it, some won’t, it’s all the same, isn’t it?

To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

[Dark Ninja DaveParticipant 273]

Welcome Vajra Varaha.

That’s quite a tale. No gratitude at all for correctly diagnosing the patient after everyone else got it wrong? Sounds like all that happened after was a deliberate distraction to hide the fact that all those others were incompetent. I wish I could be surprised to hear any of this.

All the talk of “everyone has a soulmate” and “you’ll find someone”… these are just crap platitudes, cliche expressions that are meant to make us feel better in the moment. I agree, there’s no proof that these are true.

[Anonymous 5]

Welcome and thanks for the great intro

Vajra Varaha wrote:

Death of the Soulmate Delusion.

It’s a dark abyss you fall into where you lose all almost all your reasons to live.
Somehow you manage to get through each day.
You realize the truth in sayings like “Ignorance is bliss” and “A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing”

But it’s amazing how our lives get re-prioritized and adjusted once our lizard brains accept reality. Zen replaces stress because more than 90% of needs and wants disappear because they were either to appease, attract or keep women.

I sometimes yearn for the delusion but I know it’s just a biological device that’s evolved to trap men into protecting and providing for a breeder and her offspring. It’s served our species well.
It’s never been a good deal for men. Women have always turned into wives. But in a less litigious society they have to maintain some level of reciprocal benefit or they’d get dumped.
In our Western society the s~~~tier they become the more they get. (if they can manage to trap you first!)

[DorkShitParticipant 4353]

Great example of being a man.

You will hear brothers tell me I’m just being negative.

You will hear me respond, you just haven’t been properly violated, YET!

As a man we must see it! We must have situational awareness.

We are the problem population.

Your intro shows it well.

No worries on a gazillion pages. We are the examples of what not to do for the younger brothers.

Peace brothers

[Anonymous 3]

Wow!! Great intro! Thanks & Welcome

[Heave-Ho MgtowParticipant 1797]

Nice intro in chilling detail of the hazards of western women today. Welcome. You may save more lives here then in your medical profession

skip the cavernous vag and go your own way

[CthulhuParticipant 698]

I had to keep scrolling back up to make sure I gave this guy a star. We all have a story to tell and we should tell it. Not for us, not for those commenting, but for those lurking and trying to figure out why they’re broke, sad and angry with cupcake leeching his resources.

Why vote for a lesser evil? #ICETHEMOUT

[Anonymous 43]

women are a living breathing s~~~show. save them from horrible pain and misery, they stab you in the guts.

ungrateful c~~~s…#ICETHEMOUT

[Anonymous 12]

Never did figure out how she was paying for all that stuff

ohgod… who was her PIMP?

She said she’d have to ask her boyfriend for permission. I said thanks, you just answered my questions

f~~~…

Someday maybe I’ll write about how my soulmate delusion was destroyed. But it takes so much to explain you wouldn’t believe I went thru it.

That one you have to tell me.
Not now.
When you have written down that chapter of your life.

No need for welcome. you are not new to Mgtow. so pull a chair and grab a Beer.
What a motherlode of a ride!

[ShimshParticipant 237]

Thanks for sharing this, i took a lot out of this as a MGTOW in my 20’s.

Fuck E'm

[BeachBumParticipant 813]

I vote for Vajra to be MGTOW of the day!!!

Incredible story of experiencing Hell at the cost of woman, then coming out on top because you’re eyes were opened and became MGTOW while enduring the s~~~ty false claim law suit

Cheers to you, Brother!!

[Jack HarperParticipant 2863]

Welcome. Quite a story. Disheartening to read.

[Vajra VarahaParticipant 1284]

I’ve decided to not post the Destruction of the Soul Mate Delusion.
Just too long and another 20 damn pages. More for an in person discussion because it involved so much of my spiritual beliefs and pursuits.

Instead I decided to share a more uplifting dating story. 🙂

Back when I was an intern, poor, overworked, and still delusional about women, I decided to just date as much as I could for experience. Eliminate my standards and just see what happens. One of the things I decided to do was attend a speed dating event. God was it torture.

There were only three women in my age group, the rest were all older middle aged folk.
Two of the women in my bracket were co-workers: a boss and her employee. Uh yeah f~~~ that. Already bad news. That left this middle school english teacher. Petite, skinny, mousy, withdrawn. Cute in a librarian sort of way. But really closed off emotionally. I decided to pick her as my match choice. If she picked me we would have a date paid for by the event planners. She did. The other guys in my age range were a beta and an omega failure.

So we started talking on the phone a little before our date. She revealed two things of note:

1. She had a fetish for Disney. She said her entire apartment was decorated in Disney. Weird. And for the record I never saw it. Kinda wish I had just for the mental image to add to the memory.

2. She confessed her favorite sex toy was a toilet plunger. A toilet plunger. WTF? Ok, Im young, eager and living in a sexual wasteland. I thought to myself, this could be a really good thing, or a really bad thing.

So the day arrived for our date. I had to work late due to some emergencies in the hospital and had been up 36 hours straight. I called her up and explained. I offered to reschedule, or she could just come over to my place. I’d order take-out. And we could watch a movie in my apartment. Then she could leave and I could crash. We could talk about how it went later. She agreed to come over.

I ordered Chinese, her request. And some movie I don’t recall back before Netflix existed.
Anyway she shows up, walks all over my apartment looking in every room, clearly paranoid as s~~~. Sits down on the farthest end of my couch possible, and curled up with her purse and stayed there the rest of the time. Ok…yeah.

I prepared the take-out as she watched. Sat it down on the coffee table. And sat myself on the other end of the couch since she was clearly having some kind of strange experience. We talked. I ate the food. She just sat there looking at it like I’d poisoned it, curled around her purse ready to bolt. After about 30 minutes of s~~~ty conversation and clear paranoia I was going to roofie her, I said look honey, I really liked talking to the woman on the phone. I have no idea who you are. Have a nice evening. And showed her the door. Which p~~~ed her off to no end.

I watched the movie and ate two meals and went to bed. And wondered to myself, if her favorite sex toy was a toilet plunger, WTF was she worried about from me????? LMAO

[ChristopherParticipant 2478]

Great intro Vajra Varaha

Vajra Varaha wrote:

I’ve decided to not post the Destruction of the Soul Mate Delusion.
Just too long and another 20 damn pages. More for an in person discussion because it involved so much of my spiritual beliefs and pursuits.

From your avatar I can see that your spritual journey includes the Hindu / Vedic scriptures. Although I was raised Christian my spritual journey has taken me to explore the ancient Vedic texts. I was very happily celibate and had a number of ‘scary’ experiences with charming (i.e. manipulative) women that claimed to be ‘spriritual’ that tried to be with me – eventually I fell for one and I also had my soulmate delusion completely nuked ! It would be interesting to hear your soulmate story but I can imagine in a general sense the type of female nonsense you have probably been through.
AWALT !

The good news is you (and all of us here on MGTOW.com) are in a better position to continue our lifes and/or spritual development in whatever way we choose as we are armed with more knowledge about female nature and how to avoid the pitfalls and can exchange the truth about these matters. Monk mode works best for me.

Welcome and Peace.

Feminism was funded by bankers/politicians to create more taxpayers. MGTOW IS FREEDOM https://archive.org/details/mgtowisfreedomblurayready

[Vajra VarahaParticipant 1284]

Thanks amigo! You ever meet me in person I’ll buy you a beer and tell the tale. If you want to talk shop on the spirit and god, I’m always all ears!

[Author]

Posts