Finally did something nice for myself and guess what?

[porky ryanParticipant 18]

I used to play rugby at a highly competitive level and to train for this i did alot of olympic style weightlifting to build explosive power.  it’s highly enjoyable in itself because it takes consistency, really intense focus and you utilize your entire body in a highly coordinated manner through an extended range of motion.  for those that do not know you need a specific type of weights for this called bumper plates which are partially constructed out of rubber so that you can drop them if you mess up.  they’re a little expensive.  despite this fact you can get a set with plenty of weight for a year or twos cost of going to the gym and they last 10 to 15 years if you’re just using them at home.  all in all a wonderful long term investment that would be both beneficial to my quality of life and just personally satisfying.  i wanted a set for a long time but ever since i had kids it seems that something would always come up that i couldn’t justify the expense.  i am not a spender, especially for myself.  the only thing i might by for myself on the regular is some good beer.

finally things have improved for me financially as i have been working a better job for about a year.  i’m not a wealthy man by any means but i eat well, i have a comfy living situation, my kids are taken care of and i always have enough money in the bank that my expenses are set well ahead of time.  so feeling comfortable with the whole thing i went ahead and bought a decent starter set.

what does the stay at home girlfriend say?  no “good for you” or “congratulations.”  she told me that maybe i should pick up some more time at work.  this coming from the woman with no income that wants this and that, and to travel here and go on vacation there with no consideration of where the funding for any of these proposed desires should come from.  i work as a parcel delivery driver where i basically work at a grueling pace with no stopping with constant activity and attentiveness to get done at a reasonable time everyday.  my off time is highly valuable to me.  it’s funny how any of her short term senseless wants can just be paid for out of thin air but when i get something i really want that is well thought out and would have long term benefit, i’m not working enough to afford it in her mind.  i’m happy to say that i pretty much shut her down by saying that i have my finances in order and that she should not worry about the bills being paid.  regardless it still p~~~es me off.

[Soldier-MedicParticipant 2566]

Ditto

"I asked you a question. I didn't ask you to repeat what the voices in you head are telling you" ~ Me. ........Yes I'm still angry.

[experiencedParticipant]

Finally did something nice for myself and guess what?

Her, “maybe I should pick up some more time at work.”  is just a diplomatic way of saying, “I am ruling you.”

Your last paragraph = she sees you as her slave.

I’m sorry that you don’t see it yet.

 

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Anon AnoningtonParticipant 62]

This is aside from the point, but be careful not to injure yourself! It must suck being a parcel deliverer and having to work through days after tough workouts. My lower back hurts quite a bit after deadlift day. Being under constant pressure to move swiftly with a sore back…no thanks!

[porky ryanParticipant 18]

@experienced

no i see it.  i’m just a total beta provider in her eyes.  she might say that she appreciates me working but doesn’t do anything to really show it.  i guess i’m just in a point of transition.  my goal is to quit giving her any attention and spend it doing the things that i want to do, reconnecting with friends, getting in shape, playing music again etc, etc. and while i’m refocusing that energy i want to put more money away to be able to afford a new place if she won’t leave and start paying for daycare when i have the kids because that’s the one thing she does bring to the table currently.  we’re not married and she’s not spiteful so i don’t see it going to court but i should probably plan for that as a precautionary measure in my financing.  i don’t really see things ever improving and i both envision my escape and am starting to take the necessary steps but am not prepared to make a clean break right away as soldier medic and survivor might have implied.

[porky ryanParticipant 18]

@anon

thanks for the concern guy, but i do low rep stuff with the oly lifts to focus more on improving my overall lifting power rather than building musculature.  i don’t really get that torn up feeling as much.

[RoyDalParticipant]

Dump her. I’ve seen too many friends shrivel up after they let their girlfriends/wives direct their lives. You should learn from their errors.

Society asks MGTOWs: Why are you not making more tax-slaves?

[porky ryanParticipant 18]

oh i hear you loud and clear roydal.  although it seems small actually buying the set is one of those little steps i’m taking to reassert myself in the direction of my own life.  i’m saying to her that i work to support myself, my children and the lifestyle that i see fit for myself to live, not to have you ride my back and try to undermine me doing things my own way.  i have an exit plan but it’s not one where i just light the building on fire and run out as fast as i can.  i think if i play it cool and careful i can get out of this thing with equal time with my daughter, with no court orders or support payments so that’s what i’m trying to do.

[VoidraitheParticipant 477]

Sounds like you know what you need to do.

I advise to start socking away money, open a new account or something just in case. It’s clear she is after a provider, you should have a small fund that only you know about. And yes, driving her off is IMO the best way to proceed.

[Anonymous 1]

Run Forest, run!!!

[Mango IngawayParticipant 2264]

Do you know what she wanted you to spend this money on instead? Just a tip: it starts with “her” and ends with “vagina”.

I’ll let you guess.

It is a common failing of childhood to think that if one makes a hero out of a demon the demon will be satisfied.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

I don’t disagree with any of the above. But I’ll make the observation that your head is in a pretty good place. You already have made the decision not to marry her (score one point). You already have made the decision to take control of your own money and spend it on yourself (score another). You are already emotionally prepared for the end of the relationship, so that if it ended today, you head will not so emotionally scrambled that you can’t do your job, earn your money, relate to your kids, pursue your weight lifting etc. (score another).

You have gone a long way to limiting the damage that could be done if you trusted her completely enough to marry her. And you are already emotionally prepared for the end of the relationship when it happens. Given the circumstances, what damage she can do to you now, is all there is ever going to be. Her position is kind of max’d out. It sounds as though she is treating the relationship as though she’s still a teenager in an adult body, and you have adopted her, but like any childhood, it eventually ends when the adult taking care of you requires you to grow up and move out on your own. But this can be useful to you…

What I mean is that if you tell her that unless you get___________ (fill in the blank here) from her starting immediately, the relationship is over and she’ll need to get a job, or start looking for someone else to adopt her. She can say ‘no’ and end the relationship, in which case you are no worse off than if it ends at any other time on any other circumstances, or she caves and actually contributes something in exchange for what you are doing for her. Essentially, you have nothing to lose by making the demand, but she has much to lose by not agreeing.

None of this means that she’ll do the logical, intelligent adult thing and reciprocate something. It just means that as it sounds to me, you have nothing to lose by demanding it, and nothing (more) to lose by ending the relationship if you don’t get it.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[KeithParticipant 482]

Cut her loose, waste no more time.  If you have custody of the children you will find daycare is cheaper and never smells like tuna.

just sayin’

keith

ONCE UPON A TIME there was a man who never found a wife and he lived happily ever after. The End.

[NeversaydieParticipant 51]

I have personally spoke with the sheriffs department and had two women removed from my home. I arrived in person and asked to speak with a deputy. I told them that I discovered a used condom in the trash that was not mine. I told them that things came up missing and that she was never invited to live in my home, just to spend the night once or twice. I also mentioned her explosive violent temper.

When they arrive I sit in my car and fight back the laughter. guess what… they all have a violent explosive temper.

Throw it away… get rid of it…

[experiencedParticipant]

As far as opening a new account…don’t, that is unless it’s crispy benjamin’s well hidden physically someplace that will never be found by her nor a hired mole who searches these things out.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[FreeGhostSpectator 318]

You are in a toxic relationship, you’d have better odds swimming in a sewage center and emerging diseaseless. Get out of that relationship unless you enjoy misery.

[Anonymous 2]

Kick her to the curb – you should have never let her move in or even had a key cut for her…

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Sounds similar to my situation, only I’m in horrific and worsening debt, and the woman I have had staying at my place temporarily has only been putting me into further debt while she blames it on me and my “poor spending” and is eagerly waiting for me to get a possibly MUCH better paying job (possibly so she won’t have to work at all with the literal 2nd grade education she has).  I wish I had discovered this site BEFORE she moved in (which was RIGHT beforehand).  It feels like having a 7 year old who thinks she has complete control.

[Author]

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