Did I miss an opportunity here?

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

Hello gents,

Friday night was the first time I went to a nightclub. Before this, my impression of nightclubs came purely from reading Wikipedia and watching movies. Well, turns out it was exactly what I thought it was going to be.

So anyway, I was passing through the nightclub(s) and pubs as part of a pub crawl my class was doing. During this crawl, there was this girl. I’d first met her last semester at a games night, we played a few board games. I thought she was kinda cute, and, lo, next semester, we have a class together, I saw her come into the lecture hall and I invited her to sit next to me. She said no, so I shrugged, and didn’t think much more of her.

Anyway, back to Friday night, on the crawl, I run into her again. She shows me lots of attention, asks me several times to dance with her (which I did), asks me several times to buy her a drink (which I didn’t).

So, anyway, we get to the last nightclub, I run into her again, she asks me to dance again. By this point, I wasn’t feeling too good. It was late, I was tired, the music was loud and obnoxious (I asked the DJ if he had any Beethoven; he did not have any Beethoven), and I’d had a bit too much to drink, my head was hurting, and my stomach was hurting. I told her I was going to finish my pint, and then go home. She playfully takes the drink from me, tries to hold it away (as if trying to get me to stay longer), but I get it back, and finish it. She then wishes me a good night, and I leave.

Out in the fresh, cold air, a little bit invigorated, I thought: “Should I not have invited her home?”

I didn’t for two reasons: one, the aforementioned tiredness and not feeling so good; two, I couldn’t tell if she actually was interested in me or was just f~~~ing with me, and I considered the latter case to be the most probable (as that’s the case the vast majority of women in my life fall into) so I didn’t want to be presumptuous.

I saw her in class today, we exchanged a glance, and that was about it. I suspect I may have made a mistake in not inviting her home. If we’d had sex, she’d be a bajillion times more likely to want to talk to me again.

Nothing wrong with making a mistake, but there’s something wrong in not learning from a mistake made. Thoughts? What could I have done (or can do) differently?

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[HitmanParticipant]

You could have invited her back to your place. .or ordered coffee for you and a drink for her. .to even the playing field. .you get more sober..she gets more buzzed. ..dude, don’t sweat it. ..lots of women in the world! ..it gets easier and easier to get laid as you get a bit older. ..dime a dozen. .

[Faust For ScienceParticipant 22545]

Rockmaninoff wrote:

Nothing wrong with making a mistake, but there’s something wrong in not learning from a mistake made. Thoughts? What could I have done (or can do) differently?

That is if you made a mistake. Ask yourself. By that point at night, how much had she had to drink?

[FullMetalExoParticipant 2383]

Value of sex for me dropped below zero at this point in life (Im 27 years old). AND I would not give more attention to someone who may try to manipulate me. But that’s me man.

I think what you chose to do was right, value your own health and time man. No one else will.

You may missed sex, but you also missed a possible rape accusation, or drama, or something else as magnificent.

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[The Skank SpankerParticipant 1372]

You are probably regretting not asking her home by now.

But let me tell you whats happening. from my experience she is just playing with you, playing hot and cold, being wishy and washy all over the place. Then after you didn’t respond to her initial attempts, she got rejected and she tried she to even the score by going after you again. It seems she was just trying to boost her ego.

To me this all just sounds like another attention whore. Even if you could have banged her, big f~~~ing deal. I had a date tonight with a HB-8, 22 year old and I didn’t bang her, but i tried. Do I care?

She treated you like an option and you treat her like an “opportunity” ? Get real man.

[HitmanParticipant]

Perfect analogy spank man! ..

[Silverstone the SecondParticipant]

Nah, man. It would have probably been a one night stand. Which usually that sounds good to me anyway because women are really f~~~ing annoying in long term relationships. The thing is, she was at multiple bars, so if it wasn’t you I’ll bet she had 5 other dudes lined up to f~~~ her. If it seems like she does this s~~~ often, she’s out riding the carousel, and you could’ve f~~~ed, but then you’dd only get a glance when you saw her the next day. The only thing you missed out on was a great chance to catch f~~~ing chlamydia.

Feminism is a movement where opinions are presented as facts and emotions are presented as evidence.

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

at OP
you suspect you may have missed an opportunity for something only because of what you imagine that something would have been. You are imagining the best case scenario. Best case scenario is that you would have gotten laid, and somehow come through it without any hassle, effort, expense or consequences beyond what getting laid was worth to you at that time. ‘Sounds like you weren’t feeling your best anyway. When you’re feeling like crap, how much is getting laid actually worth?

My take: Best case scenarios are relatively rare. Even when they occur, it doesn’t mean they were worth it…

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

BrainPilot wrote:

Best case scenarios are relatively rare.

This is true, but I shouldn’t be making decisions in my life that preclude the best case scenario from actually happening. If that decision doesn’t cost me anything, just six words (“want to go for a walk”), did I not just close options to me by my not saying them? Sounds like a mistake to me.

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[BrainPilotParticipant 7640]

what options are closed? Not having asked her before does not prevent you from ever asking her that in the future. You can ask her to go for a walk anytime you like. But if you’re going to do the asking, don’t do it when your head hurts and you are not feeling well. You don’t owe her a walk, or anything else for that matter. If you don’t feel like it, that’s all the reason you need to tell her NO to anything she might want.

And if you do feel well enough, there are about 3 billion other women besides her on the planet that you can ask.

Look, it's not my fault that tornado dropped a house on your sister. Now get back on your broom and get your ass out of here... and take your monkeys with you

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

Maybe, maybe not. But it’s always easy to second-guess yourself.

Ask yourself what you wanted out of that situation – what was the best case scenario?

I’m asking this question in a “no, for real” kind of way. Because bringing her home (if that’s what you wanted, and you went for it, and it worked) isn’t the best case scenario, at least not for me – most women are not very good in bed. F~~~ing with a condom doesn’t feel very pleasurable. F~~~ing without a condom is usually insane. Women frequently don’t get the message that the morning after, i want them to leave far earlier than they want to. Drama ensues. I like my place chilled out & quiet.

It’s also possible that you may have wanted to bring her back to your place, not necessarily to f~~~ her (though that obviously plays in to it), but just so you could bring a girl back to your place. Be a “player.” Have a one-night stand. Increase your kill count. I have no idea if these ideas hold value for you, just throwing out options to see what, if anything, resonates.

My point is – if you don’t necessarily have a clear idea of what you want from that situation (or a similar situation in the future, and there will certainly be others), you can’t necessarily gauge your actions as “correct” or “incorrect” or “missing an opportunity.” An opportunity for what exactly?

[AttonParticipant]

I can suggest limiting your alcohol intake.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[RockmaninoffParticipant 1641]

BrainPilot wrote:

Not having asked her before does not prevent you from ever asking her that in the future. You can ask her to go for a walk anytime you like. But if you’re going to do the asking, don’t do it when your head hurts and you are not feeling well.

Good point. Thanks man!

MattNYC wrote:

F~~~ing with a condom doesn’t feel very pleasurable.

Come on. It feels reaallllly similar.

MattNYC wrote:

It’s also possible that you may have wanted to bring her back to your place, not necessarily to f~~~ her (though that obviously plays in to it), but just so you could bring a girl back to your place. Be a “player.” Have a one-night stand. Increase your kill count. I have no idea if these ideas hold value for you, just throwing out options to see what, if anything, resonates.

Yes. I’ve never done that before.

". . . elle, suivant l’usage des femmes et des chats qui ne viennent pas quand on les appelle et qui viennent quand on ne les appelle pas, s’arrêta devant moi et m’adressa la parole"—Prosper Mérimée

[JackinovParticipant 5229]

What mistake was made? To be honest, I read the whole thing, and I failed to see any mistakes. You did what you felt like.

are you a chia pet in man drag

[experiencedParticipant]

You did fine.
Maintain your guard though, as you are the, “one who got away.”
Months later the same woman will not forget, years later, she will not forget. Any signals from her now will reflect this.
“It’s what they do, it’s all they do, you can’t stop them.”
Women hate being turned down, and it is fiercely in their nature to learn from it and defend against it.

As soon as you start believing she was special and more won’t come around – – that will be your reality.
So, she’s not special, and definitely more will come around, provided they perceive you initially as not noticing them.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[Author]

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