Deeper into the Quicksand

[Governor Megachris%Participant 3584]

Well, here I am going downhill again.

I think I’m just a walking, breathing Murphy’s Law.

Let’s just look back from the time I started on this site:

2015: Was in pretty bad debt, was only making $11.45 an hour and was living paycheck-to-paycheck while dating a girl that wasn’t even interested in sex so I saw no action that year at all.

2016: Got out of the relationship, left the university job for a very well-paying job at NASA, and I finally started to become debt-free.

My car was becoming too expensive to fix, so I bought an SUV that I knew I could use in many instances.

A month after buying the truck, NASA let me go. I applied for over 300 jobs within the month, and only got one interview…which ultimately didn’t hire me.

I lost my apartment and was forced to live in my truck that I still owed payments on.

Was planning on moving to Arkansas after interviewing up there quite successfully, had an issue where the fuel pump in the truck had to be replaced. Put me out $300.

I moved up to Arkansas afterward where job opportunities were calling me, and I had a girlfriend that was helping me search.

Gained temporary employment to keep up with my payments at $10.00 an hour.

Gained better employment making $15.00 an hour with the opportunity to make over $20.00 per hour, so I left the temporary position for it.

Girlfriend started to emotionally abuse me, and I lost the good paying job at the same time. I had nothing left in Arkansas, so I came back to Texas.

Now into 2017: I started my own driving and repair business, and slowly built my way back up and have been making payments on my truck since. Mother reminded me of the past and how I owe her $2,000 at the least.

Just barely into the business, my tires started getting nails in them very severely because of construction on the highways.

Met a girl in April, things were decent with her as it gave me someone to talk to so I didn’t have to go to “Mommy” just to talk to someone in person (because I personally despise doing that). A hose leak came up after, then the girlfriend left me a week later because I swear she and her step-dad had some creepy relationship going on.

Fixed the hose issue, putting me out $100 to fix it on my own, and continued going on in my life alone, no problem save for some loneliness and my depression and thoughts of suicide still hitting me every day. Living in my truck is not ideal, but I have to pay this thing off before I can take off elsewhere.

Business died off a little during the summer (my rides would be going around the country and touring), but still made enough for insurance and payments.

Check Engine light came on. I checked it out: It’s the fuel injector in cylinder 8, the hardest one to get to without proper tools.

Come up to last Friday. In the middle of a ride, my brakes went out on me. Just spent money on a late car payment, so I was broke. Talked to friends, none of which could help me. Only option was “Mommy,” which made me cringe. I hate contacting her for anything, but it was my only option. She paid to have it towed to our mechanic, who diagnosed that the caliper and piston broke on the rear right side. Cost to fix it: $775. She’s gonna have to help me out, and she’s furious. She has let me borrow her vehicle for a few days for the time being, though she hates it…just to keep my business going. They also tried to figure out what was wrong with the check engine issue without running a diagnosis that would cost an extra $80. They predict what it is and said I could “bite the bullet” and try to fix what they guess, but it would be an extra $165. Mother is refusing to help on that issue.

She says I’m not trying hard enough to make it. I told her I’m doing everything I can (I’ve been applying for jobs when I have free time, like now), she says she doesn’t want to talk to me again after this except to pay her back. I got admittedly upset and threw my phone out of anger because she drove my anxiety over the wall. Shattered the bottom one-third of my phone screen, though I didn’t throw it that hard. So much for Otter Boxes being useful. My phone is my one way of reaching my customers/clients to gain more business.

Now she says she’s helped me out so much that she will never help me out again after, and that I will owe her $3,000. I will still have a check engine issue that costs $165 – $250. I have another truck payment due of $150 by Friday. My insurance is due in 6 days of $195. My registration and inspection are both due before the end of the month, over $100. I know a screen repair on a phone is $100.

Now you see what I mean. Every time I fix one problem, two more arise. (The phone is my fault for losing it, obviously, but just see how it “happens” to occur once my brakes got repaired)

I’m tired of relying on my mother for help. I want to distance myself from her and everyone here. Heck, I wouldn’t mind moving away to get away from everything. It’s harder and harder for me to live every day.

[joetechParticipant]

I understand the job market really sucks out there. You’ve probably heard this before, but life is a struggle. It’s not supposed to be easy, but there are a few things that you can do to make it easier. For one, get a hold of your emotions. That’s something you CAN do. Throwing your phone and breaking it isn’t going to make things easier any more than punching a wall and breaking your hand. Keep applying for jobs. Remember, you only need ONE job, so don’t give up. Your mom would kick my ass for saying this, but she’s still your mom and I can tell she loves you. She wouldn’t be 3 grand in the hole with you if she didn’t. Keep plugging away and you’ll get there. Good luck.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[Two Time WinnerParticipant 1090]

This may be a sappy response but one motto I used in the aftermath of my first divorce.

If things are this bad, they have to get better. I’m just going to hold on and wait, this won’t defeat me.

You have some toughness in you to keep dealing with all that adversity and have a decent attitude. Don’t get discouraged, there is a job out there for you. Just keep looking till you find it.

In the meantime get a part time job. The pizza places are always hiring delivery drivers. I’m doing that as a second job now. Walk in today and begin work as soon as they check your driving record. You can make a couple of hundred or more per week depending on hours worked and the neighborhood you deliver in.

Best wishes in your search.

TTW

I ain't got a wife to spend my money, I have to do that all by myself.

[GregB0Participant]

Governor Megachris% wrote:

Heck, I wouldn’t mind moving away to get away from everything. It’s harder and harder for me to live every day.

GM, Hang in there. While it may seem that you are at the end of an constant s~~~ storm, you are the only person you can turn to. I mentioned on an members introduction that you can affect your life easily by attempting to change two things. Identify something that needs to be changed and develop a plan to do so. Then Identify something that you want to change and do the same.

Best of luck to you and keep letting the forum know what is going on. There are lots of brothers in Texas and the surrounding states.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[AutoliteParticipant]

You talk a lot about the cost of vehicle repairs. Would getting an older vehicle be an option for you? The older carbureted cars and trucks were a lot cheaper and easier to fix than the newer fuel injected vehicles. You could probably do most of the repairs yourself. Just sayin’…

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

Everyone has been where you are right now. When I got out of law school I couldn’t find a job that paid anything but minimum wage. I had to live in public housing for two years then I spent 7 years living in a run-down trailer with almost no heat and driving an old car I got out of a junk yard for $300.00 I had to put in a radiator, starter (ask Grebo how that went!)

So no its not just raining on you, talk to SpiritRR, DYD, or May 7, 2020 sometime and find out what it is like to REALLY be in a serious s~~~ storm.

OK I get it, you are having trouble finding a job, paying for things, and you are allowing women/mommy to set your emotion dial to berserk. Having been exactly where you are I can give you some way-points out of the quagmire.

a) Don’t invest in emotion that is going to destroy you,
b) Remove the influence of bitches/mommy—see a),
c) Live within you means. If you ca’t afford something don’t buy it; get by with less
d) don’t concern yourself with the opinion of others—you’re a big boy, you know what you want and how to get it.
e) Don’t fall into the trap of blaming others/circumstance for problems and don’t EVER let yourself feel sorry for yourself.
f) when something bad happens take it ON and conquer— Don’t let it take YOU on. Its a challenge, and every challenge you overcome makes you more confident and stronger.
g) Sorry “life” has no participation trophies—only scars for survivors.

So take whatever job you can find and be thankful you don’t have a room/apartment etc. You can travel ANYWHERE to get a job. OK you may have to take something you don’t like but it doesn’t matter. Take anything that pays for transport and a roof and food. Go from there. This is an issue of survival and the only person you can depend upon 100% is YOU so don’t let you down and I don’t want to hear any more whimpering about suicide. That is for pussies and losers; that is you feeling like you don’t measure up to what others and society think you should be so check out. WRONG who gives a f~~~ what they think. don’t let them define your life—they will ALWAYS define it as a failure—so f~~~ them.

OK that is all I’m going to say about this except—If I hear that you DID kill yourself so help me Christ you will be in BIG s~~~ trouble then, I will find you dead ass and dig you up haul your dead ass to Florida and dump you in the swamp–let the wild hog eat up your ass (Unless you’ve been embalmed then they won’t touch you).

So get it together; you’re a man we all have a high bar but that is why you have 24K+ friends.

[BigDParticipant 3024]

Have you thought about the military?

Don't stick your dick into anyone you aren't willing to put up with for eighteen years and nine months.

[NerdTunnelerParticipant]

Take a step back and see the big picture. Perhaps another set of skills are needed to get where you want to be.
And PistolPete has very sound advice for you especially with taking responsibility for your life and being accountable for your decisions. Sometimes s~~~ happens, we can continue grabbing that s~~~ or we can take a deep breath…smell the s~~~ and decide we want to clean our hands and do something else…Good luck brother…

I stand with feet apart and let my balls hang free...Manginas dont have balls...See how they stand and sit at the whim of their masters...

[Anonymous 42]

Chris, I noticed one thing, a pattern, you apparently have not abandoned your dependency on women, each stumble I noticed you were nurturing a relations~~~ with a woman!

Do you have any idea what that alone does to your batteries?

Suicidal thoughts and women go together like gravy peas and carrots!

Nothing is gonna change until you destroy that dependency on having relations~~~s, it makes you softer and weaker not harder and stronger! I just spent a few days of toil and about 600 bucks to get my truck to pass inspection, paying someone to do the work would have exceed 2,500! I can’t afford retail maintenance costs of servicing my vehicles, I do everything including transplants and rebuilds when necessary! I used to replace my trucks at 10 to 12 years old max! This one just turned 20! WTF!

Am I suicidal? NO! Because GONE are the DEPRESSING INFLUENCES from today’s TOXIC WOMEN! Spit out the bitches and stop stumbling!

When it comes to you and women you’re like trying to separate a whine’o from his bottle!

The record won’t stop skipping until you play the other side!

[GregB0Participant]

BigD wrote:

Have you thought about the military

While the military may very well be an option for you to consider, think about it long and hard. You would have a five year active component contract, with three years of once a month duty after that.

As a former US Army Retention NCO you need to research what career field your military occupation field would fit within.

The pros: you have a job, three meals a day, free housing, two paydays a month, and a skill set.

The cons: you don’t set your own hours, someone is constantly telling you what to do and you will likely be deployed. Not too harsh when you consider it.

I served for 33 years and would do it again if I was 19 once more.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[DarkRyuParticipant 2354]

Start doing gigs. Maybe turn it into a business. But you shouldn’t be killing your car in order to run your business. As you (and many Uber drivers) have discovered, all you’re doing is liquidating the value of your car by depreciation, and on top of that you have to pay for repairs, fuel, taxes, etc. You’re literally selling your car little by little, and not making any profit while doing it! CRUNCH THE NUMBERS! I guarantee you’re not making anything. Maybe $1 to $2 an hour if you’re lucky. If you’re not lucky, you’re actually PAYING to work and throwing your car in the garbage.

I truly believe that the difference between those that succeed and those that fail is those that succeed have a firm understanding of mathematics.

[Chris1234Participant 353]

Sounds like women and an unreliable expensive car are the cause of some of your issues. I’m relatively comfortable (financially) and I still drive an old $2000 car that’s easy to repair and costs next to nothing to run. Downgrading your car might be a good start and stay away from the women until you get yourself sorted work wise. Any time you spend with women is time you could spend watching youtube videos and reading websites to develop new employment skills. I’ve learnt more watching youtube videos and studying than I did at university. You sound like you’re young so you’ve got plenty of time to get sorted, I didn’t get my s~~~ together until I was 27 so don’t stress.

[Author]

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