Dear CPig

[TaxGuyParticipant]

http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/askamy/ct-ask-amy-ae-0613-20170613-story.html

Dear CPig:

I had a boyfriend a long time ago who ruined my life. He ruined my credit and physically assaulted me. Naturally, my family can’t stand him.

He has been out of my life for a long time. I now have a new love in my life, and I’m very happy.

Recently, my ex has been trying to contact me. Every time he tries to find me, I block and delete him from social media, but he’s using other usernames, and an account on Facebook with new pictures hoping (I suppose) that I won’t recognize him and will accept a friend request.

He has contacted my sister via email and Facebook.

I have asked her to please get rid of him. I don’t want that think of drama in my life again. She says she is just curious about his life, and I say “Why”?

Every time I post on her Facebook wall he can read it right?

I don’t want him to know my business. I have asked her out of respect for me to “unfriend” him and she refuses. She says I’m being silly. What should I do?
-Worried

Dear Worried:

When you were banging Chad, his name is Chad right, did you ever brag to your sister about good he was in bed or about how long he could last? Because your sister wants her own little piece of Chad Thunderc~~~. And, let’s be honest, you kinda do too right? You don’t really want to get rid of him or you would block your sister to make the point. But even writing this to me gets your ‘gina tingling a little. Am I right? Or am I right?

Oh I know he ruined your credit and abused you physically, but admit that he gives you that special feeling that your husbank Justin can’t give you. You don’t want him back in your life because you know that you couldn’t say no when he put the moves on you. And you don’t want to risk your white picket fence lifestyle. Yet. I’m assuming you’ve been married less than five years because otherwise you wouldn’t be writing to me, you’d be underneath Chad.

You say your family hates Chad, but your sister doesn’t. And she’s family right? So, what other lies are you telling yourself that you’re trying to pawn off on me Judy?

Look I could tell you what to do, but you aren’t going to take any advice. As sure as you have a vagina, you will bang this guy again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be naked, sweaty, and giving this guy all three inputs in the near future. But don’t worry, he won’t give up on you. Oh he’ll be doing 20 year old coeds while he waits, but he’s still got one or two good stiffies left for you.

Good luck Judy, you’re gonna need it.

Order the good wine

[NerevarParticipant 8040]

Now why did you have to name the husband/husbank Justin… that’s my name, dammit 😀

Good post, though!

"One of the best things internet exposed is just how insane women are." - Freeman_K

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Nerevar wrote:

Now why did you have to name the husband/husbank Justin… that’s my name, dammit

Justin Case. Because that’s all he’ll ever be.

Order the good wine

[GregB0Participant]

The world is so lucky to have the mighty “C-Pig” available for advice and counsel.

​"​My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.​" - Clarence Buddinton Kelland

[Anonymous 1]

Lol. This needs to be a recurring topic.

I always laugh when I see the word husbank.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Anonymous wrote:

Lol. This needs to be a recurring topic.

I always laugh when I see the word husbank.

Thanks. Every month two CPig or I will see a Dear Abby type letter that’s too easy to make fun of. I’m hope he chimes in when he has the time.

Order the good wine

[HitmanParticipant]

TaxGuy wrote:

a Dear Abby type letter that’s too easy to make fun of.

ya mean you didn’t make this up?
wow.
i loved the reply!
but that was an actual dear abby letter..
the old abby is rolling in her grave.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Hitman wrote:

TaxGuy wrote:

a Dear Abby type letter that’s too easy to make fun of.

ya mean you didn’t make this up?
wow.
i loved the reply!
but that was an actual dear abby letter..
the old abby is rolling in her grave.

No, never make up the questions. I started with the link to the actual article. I do however ignore the horrible advice given and try to update it with a little more truth. Because I care about people.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 42]

All you get is a pile of s~~~ when diving into social networks! It’s no different than dogs crotch sniffing therefore disgusting!

[Anonymous 18]

In near future, husband recovering from the deception of a partner who is a cheating whore will be in medical textbooks:

Betanoma – advanced stage of male grief and suffering stemming from unforeseen behavior of a romantic/sexual partner, specifically infidelity with another member of male species subject didn’t suspect to have performed sexual acts on his partner. More specifically, in positions and orifices patient was denied access to. Confusion relating to his partner’s agreement to allow penetration in such orifices leads to patient’s humiliation and embarrassment. Symptoms are depression, denial, suicidal behavior, longing to return to blue pill (introduced in previous chapter) conditioning.

Treatment is in phase III trial.

[Author]

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