Dealing with Passive Agressive

[narwhalParticipant]

I’m curious to see how others have dealt with passive aggressive coworkers. There’s a manager of another group I have to deal with too frequently these days. Here’s a few things I’ve figured out.

Don’t hold a grudge – I often get in disagreements about her. Too me, it’s not personal, but to her it is. So while she is still at ends with me about a particular issue, I’ve already moved on. It forces her to do the same. I don’t apologize, I don’t reconcile, I just move on.

Be bluntly honest – While she is driving herself crazy trying to find a PC way to say it…I just say it. Drives her crazy that you aren’t playing by her rules.

Admit faults – Similar to above, you do what she thinks can’t be done. While she is trying to find away to divert blame from herself, you go ahead and admit your mistakes. Frustrates the hell out of her. Even if it’s not a fault, but just simply something she wouldn’t dare admit to.

I actually had this conversation at a meeting last Friday
How come you didn’t send out an agenda in advance for your meeting?
I thought about it yesterday, but decided I didn’t want to and wasn’t worth my time.
How can you just say that!
<just smile>

Ok. Then do it.

[Solo MAN’S WisdomParticipant]

narwhal wrote:

Don’t hold a grudge

narwhal wrote:

Be bluntly honest

narwhal wrote:

Admit faults

In other words, “Be A Man.” P/A’s hate “Men” because they know we see right through their bulls~~~.

When women lead, destruction is the destination. -- Me.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

I agree with all you say till it gets to a point it cannot be ignored. Most barbs and jabs make the other person look bad anyway. By not responding (or reacting) you just leave the person out there to hang themselves while you look calm and authoritative.
When it crosses the line I very calmly ask what they meant. To clarify. Are they angry? Do they think acting this way towards me will solve their problem? Yes I am baiting and it’s game on. Sometimes I just call it. “That was very aggressive, hostile etc.” As long as I am acting and not reacting I come across as in control.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[narwhalParticipant]

FrostByte wrote:

I agree with all you say till it gets to a point it cannot be ignored.

Yes, and I have an example for that too. A while back, same coworker and I were in a meeting. The client had a question that I answered. My coworker then went “what narwhal means to say is”…followed by a paraphrase of what I just said. In other words, she wanted to make sure I didn’t get credit for the answer. She wanted some credit for herself.

It bothered me, but I didn’t realize just what she did till sometime later. Next time it happens, I’ll be sure to thank her for the translation.

Ok. Then do it.

[FrostByteParticipant 19005]

narwhal wrote:

It bothered me, but I didn’t realize just what she did till sometime later. Next time it happens, I’ll be sure to thank her for the translation.

Excellent response. At some point you have to push back.

It is stupid if they don’t realize how transparent and shallow they are acting. Anyone in the room with a partial brain will be offended for you.

If you rescue a damsel in distress, all you will get is a distressed damsel.

[XSDBSParticipant 3598]

narwhal wrote:

Yes, and I have an example for that too. A while back, same coworker and I were in a meeting. The client had a question that I answered. My coworker then went “what narwhal means to say is”…followed by a paraphrase of what I just said. In other words, she wanted to make sure I didn’t get credit for the answer. She wanted some credit for herself.
It bothered me, but I didn’t realize just what she did till sometime later. Next time it happens, I’ll be sure to thank her for the translation.

Most of the “passive aggressive” I see is when someone is deliberately 10 minutes late for EVERY meeting.
The meeting starts without them, but unfortunately it makes a bad impression on everyone else.

[alchemistParticipant 484]

narwhal wrote:

I’m curious to see how others have dealt with passive aggressive coworkers.

I was going to comment then realised I have only had decent or OUTWARDLY aggressive bosses- The aggressive ones, I got my affairs in order and quit within 24 hours.

Left them up s~~~ creek without a paddle, but that’s what you get when you’re treat people like an emotional toilet. Gave her something real to be angry about for a change hahahahaha

[Anonymous 54]

I dont bother with them

If forced to, I go to pure aggressive mode.
They have no way to deal with it.

Agressive doesnt have to be mean.
Just direct and in charge.

What he means is..

I said what I mean thank you.

[narwhalParticipant]

People seem to be getting rather tired of this manager’s BS. I’ve been a serious of meetings lately that have gone rather poorly, and those in the meeting are all starting to realize that she is the reason it’s not going well. It’ll be interesting to see if there is any fallout.

Ok. Then do it.

[Author]

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