Dead end relationship?

[lord of titts and wineParticipant 11]

This is my first post and i really need some advice about my current relationship from an outsiders perspective.
Ive been in a relatioship with my gf for about 5 years now on and off. We met in uni during my first year and dated for about a year then split then got back together. This happend About 3 times then just last year we met back up and talked for weeks about all the stuff that had happened before and why we broke up. When we first got together i adored her and was always buying her gifts etc. Towards the end of the first year of our relationship she became awful to be with and basically acted like she didn’t give a s~~~ if we were together or not. I put up with it for months because of how much i cared about her even though she was very cold towards me. After a few months i became friends with another girl who was a typical raver/party girl. This girl was basically just a mate who would come over to the uni halls and we’d play xbox, drink and have a laugh but my gf was convinced this girl was trying to steal me off her. No matter what i would say my gf would pretend to listen and yet still think i was cheating on her.
This eventually led to us splitting and that was that. It wasn’t until a year later that i started going out with the party girl and that was more of a friends with benefits situation than a relationship. Fast forward another year and me and my ex started talking again and met up for drinks. She basically told me that we split because she didn’t want the other girl to steal me so basically let her have me which is about the dumbest logic ever. Eventually we met more times and sorted all the crap from those years before out and decided to get back together.
When we got back together it was perfect. She was still in uni and i was working to pay for my masters which i’d start in 2015. She had her own flat because most of the others had left so we basically got to live together when i went back to uni last year.
We never had any problems when we were semi living together in her flat last year and it was all good in my mind. She was a virgin when we met and thats the only thing that really frustrated me because i have a very high sex drive and hers is pretty much none existent. I managed to put up with this because i still got the basics from her like handyshandys and bj’s etc and even though i just wanted a normal relationship with a normal sex life, i still put up with it because i loved her and could get by with what she was giving out without having to cheat.
She finished her course and moved back to London which is practically the other side of the country for me but before she left we both agreed we’d stay together and she would come to visit me. Ive introduced her to my family and she’s stayed over for weekends many times now seeing me for the weekends every other month.
When she first started visiting it was like when we lived together and all good. I was still annoyed at not getting laid properly but again could get by with what i was getting. After a few more visits she started giving me less and less and i would actually go to bed angry because she just wasn’t interested no matter what i did and made me feel like a seedy creep for having to constantly pester her just to get any. I convinced myself that it was just a temporary thing and i should let it go. Eventually we did sleep together properly during one of her visits and so she wasn’t a virgin anymore. When that happened i was happy because i thought we could be a normal couple now and eventually get a place together and have a normal healthy relationship and sex life.
Since that time we slept together properly we haven’t done it again and every time she’s been down she’s always by sheer luck , on her period. I’ve now gotten to the stage where ive had enough and don’t even try to sleep with her anymore which doesn’t bother her at all. She’ll come to stay and we’ll watch films etc but nothing else which makes me feel like she’s just a mate rather than my actual girlfriend. Although I’ve never cheated on her i think its selfish of her to basically act like not only are you never getting any off of me anymore but your also not to go near another girl either which basically means if i stay with her then i should just expect to never get laid for the rest of my life and be fine with that. Its making me resent her as i treat her with nothing but love and always take care of anything she asks of me because i care about how she feels and she knows that i have a high sex drive but don’t cheat but still can’t be bothered to take care of me even though she knows how much it frustrates me. I’ve often thought about just getting another girl just to sleep with but continue to be in a relationship with her to deal with this but being an idiot, i know i couldn’t look at myself if i did go off with someone else
We also had an argument about the fact that i don’t want to live in London as not only do i dislike the place but also all my friends and family are located where i currently live along with all the grad jobs in my masters area. Ive told her im not living in London and shes said shes not living up here with me which basically means theres no future in our relationship. I wouldn’t mind if that was the end to it but my graduation is coming up and shes a booked guest to attend and all my family now know she’s coming and recently shes started texting me less and less to the point where we don’t speak for days. The last time was 3 days ago.
Im now worried that we’re just going to casually talk every now and then and then when she comes to the graduation she’ll meet my entire family and i think whats the point if this is basically a dying relationship as i’ll look an idiot for introducing her to everyone and then it ends shortly after or if we do continue to stay together for the time being then i have to basically stay in a sexless relationship for god knows how many years slowly growing to resent her more and more for not giving a s~~~ about how i feel or what i need.
She’s also spoken to her perants about a family holiday their going on and they’ve invited me ages ago to which i foolishly said yes thinking it’ll solve our problems and we’ll go back to normal once we’ve had a proper holiday together.
This seems like nothing but a lose/lose situation and i don’t have a clue what i should do.

[Jan SobieskiParticipant 28791]

Welcome home brother!

Look I know its tough, but AWALT. She will use you until she doesn’t want you anymore. I am sorry. that is how it is.

You are nothing but a meal ticket for her.

Love is just alimony waiting to happen. Visit mgtow.com.

[HitmanParticipant]

welcome.
you are on Men Going Their Own Way for a reason.
this woman is selfish and really is not someone to invest any further time with.
sorry brother,
time to tell her it’s over and go your own way.
good luck,
the future is going to be awesome for you without her dragging you down !

[Mr. ManParticipant 2916]

I second what Jan just said. She’s a user. They all are.

Sadly, the progression of your story is like so many others around here. What starts out as a fun, warm and loving relationship eventually turns so s~~~ty that it leaves you scratching your head and asking “What the f~~~ just happened? Am I imagining all this, or do I have a legitimate gripe with her?”

And every self help book and everyone around you will tell you that she wasn’t the right one for you, there’s someone better for you. You simply chose wrong. Which is a complete lie. They are all the wrong one. This is how women are. The next one may smell different, sound different and talk different, but the end result will be exactly the same as where you are right now.

So, welcome. Dive in to the archives and read, read read until you internalize what I feel is the most important lesson in MGTOW — AWALT.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

Well, you broke rule number one: One chance, per person, per lifetime. When you broke up the first time you should have stayed that way. Getting back together never works out.

As far as sex goes, people do legitimately have different sex drives. It doesn’t make her a bad person, it just makes the two of you incompatible. I could also be that she’s getting it elsewhere, but either way it doesn’t matter. She isn’t a positive energy in your life.

You aren’t getting your needs met, you don’t want to live in the same city, and you seem to get much positive out of the relationship. I think you’ve answered your own question.

And, welcome! Always room for one more.

Order the good wine

[Anonymous 42]

Cut the string and roll away! She’s playing “walk the dog” and guess who’s the dog?

[Anonymous 3]

lord of titts and wine wrote:

This is my first post and i really need some advice about my current relationship from an outsiders perspective.

Let me put this perspective to you. Imagine that you are Johnny Deep, famous and rich. Now you meet with that girlfriend of yours and you spend the night. Do you imagine the night not including intercourse?

You had to wait some years to get it from the person you are having a relationship. Does that mean you have a problem?

The answer is no. They have a problem! Their problem is that they will only do the strictly necessary to attract the kind of man that they want. And that would be a man with resources.

Now you are a “good boy” that “loves her” and is willing to sacrifice… And she knows that, so you get what you get: as least as possible to keep you in the boat.

She is studying her angles, the selected specimens she has at her disposal. It is not easy to chose. What if some time from now one of the “not selected” ends up better that the one she choses?

As you might realize by now the only one with feelings is you, regardless of how much the lady protests.
Something you should already suspect when your “love” does not fulfil your needs based on her…”lack of will”? And what if she asked you something as small as this? Would you refuse because you did not feel like doing it?

Women do not love men. They love themselves.

lord of titts and wine wrote:

every time she’s been down she’s always by sheer luck , on her period.

Yea, luck…

There is not a single bone of truth in them. They manipulate men with a stunning easy. You said it yourself, “no matter what i would say my gf would pretend to listen and yet still think i was cheating on her”.
They lie constantly, so they think everyone does.

lord of titts and wine wrote:

I’ve now gotten to the stage where ive had enough and don’t even try to sleep with her anymore which doesn’t bother her at all.

Now you are quite well trained! And you are not even married!
I got to this point after 20 years, and she managed to do this to you in a few years without marriage.
This girl is a menace, imagine the rest of your life with her!

RUN LIKE HELL.

[dobieParticipant 100]

So she spent time disrespecting you openly and now subtly … Btw her lack of giving you sex is another form of disrespect. I bet you a million pounds if Chanum Tatum asked her to dinner and took an interest her sex drive would magically “come back”

She is manipulating you and using you as a beta back up and emotional tampon .

You should not feel guilty in the slightest for being a man and having sexual needs and wants . I would personally bang her friends for the insulting way she has treated you as “pay back” .

I realise you have feelings for this girl but subjectively what are you getting from this relationship apart from her “reframing” your legitimate concerns her subjecting you to her selfish behaviours? and I have to say bro probably getting cheated on behind your back …

Kick the bitch to the curb tell her you want to be single and want to experiment more sexually with other woman who are normal (put the blame on her make her feel rightly
So as broken and not good enough for you )

Then watch her get angry, fake cry etc as you laugh and tell her to f~~~ off!

[experiencedParticipant]

Dump her completely or she will suck you down the drain with her.
Go your own way separate from hers.
She’s a big girl and can take care of herself.
Dump her,
Really.

Even an old litmus test prior to no fault divorce goes something like this:
There is only ONE correct answer of the three: YES/NO/NOT SURE
NO and NOT SURE are NOT correct responses.
Here, when asked, “Is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
Even pre-no-fault, your answer at best is, “not sure, not sure, not sure, not sure, NOT SURE, NOT SURE, Not Sure,
It’s easy for us to see this, but you “have gots” to see it for yourself.

"It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."

[KeymasterKeymaster]

lord of titts and wine wrote:

yet still think i was cheating on her….. She basically told me that we split because she didn’t want the other girl to steal me

THAT is a female ploy – cheap and predictable manipulation tactic – and you should NEVER fall for it. It’s a flat out LIE and more of an indication that she had another dick on the side.

Oh yeah!

A woman should ASSUME an unmarried is banging other chicks all the time. Don’t even TRY to convince her otherwise. I used to do that. I used to jump through hoops to appease and explain that I would not cheat on her…. until I got smart and hip to their jive.

She thought she could say “how do I know you’re not cheating on me?” and expected me – an unmarried man – to prove that I am faithful while she sits there on her lazy ass with her arms folded thinking “aw look what I can make him do”.

Until I woke up and said…..

“You don’t”.

Now what? Now she’s got NOTHING.

She’s not my wife. She is mistaken to expect an unmarried man to be faithful in the first place. That’s why he’s not married. So he can BANG whoever the f~~~ he wants – anytime he wants – without feeling some need to explain or apologize. Just like I would be wrong to expect HER to be faithful. RIGHT????? I don’t corner her and say “how do I know you’re not cheating on me?”.

Until you’re married, let her ASSUME you’re banging other chicks and that’s the end of the conversation. She doesn’t like it? She can leave. If it’s not a compliment to her that you choose to be with her, she’s not worth being in a relationship with anyway.

Women have this totally f~~~ed idea in their heads that a “relationship” is where some unmarried man is SUPPOSED to behave like a husband, not bang other chicks and pay for everything. What idiot would ever sign up for that?? And if you do, they actually BELIEVE he should be punished and humiliated for it.

When you see that tactic being employed, you educate her, or dump that bitch.

lord of titts and wine wrote:

i don’t have a clue what i should do.

On this topic there is no “should”. What do you WANT??

You write the rules. No matter how ridiculous. If you don’t like it, adjust it. No matter how ridiculous. If she doesn’t like your rules, she can LEAVE.

There is no compromise. Because if you have to compromise when you are in a relationship…. you’re WITH THE WRONG PERSON.

What you SHOULD do…. is listen to your own manstincts.
Do NOT – ever – listen to the female opinion on this.

They are NOT looking out for what you want, or your best interests.
So you need to be the one to do that.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[The Manipulated ManParticipant 1856]

Hello LOTAW,

When I read your intro, I became nauseous and sick to my stomach. Your situation sounds like the Purgatory I found myself in during my twenties, the most sexually potent time of my life.

Now that I am in my fifties with some hind sight, I now understand that even though it was a frustrating and emasculating situation, it also forced me in a better direction than if I had been lulled into a false sense of complacency with a woman who was more sexually active for me.

You must know deep down that you really want to break up with that woman whose pussy refuses to work for you. If you are just asking for advice about your situation in order to get enough ammunition so that you can pull the trigger ending the relations~~~, then you should consider a PUA website.

Here is an analogy to help shed some light about your call for help here at MGTOW:

You are like a Crack Cocaine addict who got himself in a situation where he is forced to sit in a room full of cocaine but somehow can’t use any of it.

Then you go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting for help. Most of the other addicts at the meeting will correctly advise you to leave that frustrating situation and sadly, some will blow smoke up your ass by telling you about all the exciting possibilities, methods, and places where you can use as much Crack as you want.

But, the whole point of NA is to stop taking Crack!

Most of us at MGTOW have unconceivable lives after being freed from the influences of woman.

The rare men who have been free of woman and are celibate are amazing magical creatures. I have been fortunate to spend time with such a man, and his name is Dave. In fact, most of my Bad Ass Union Brothers who have been lucky to work with Dave consider the time spent with him to be the most worthwhile of their careers.

Dave is in his Eighties now and I went for a bike ride with him this morning around his neighborhood and then sat in his back yard watching the birds at the feeders/ bath. We made fun of some of the new homes that Dave called “Polish Castles” which are now being built in the suburbs in the USA.

There were moments that were timeless, as we sat silently observing the birdies in the bird bath. I do not have the words or the mind to describe how wonderful this man is and how much better my life is after spending any time with him.

Dave grew up during a time when guys would remain single and celibate, if they didn’t marry a girl in High School. There was none of this “sexual freedom” nonsense or pornography indoctrination.

I asked Dave what he would do differently, if he could do it all over again. He talked about some kindly/ respectful things concerning the “Influences” of other people which went over my head. But, the main adjustment to his extraordinary life would to have been to live a more solitary life away from the influences of other people.

What happens when a man finally comprehends the cold and calculating thoughts that are going through a woman's mind, while her eyes are brimming with tears?

[Truthseeker82Participant 6406]

Welcome. Relationships that leave you feeling worse than when you started are not worth the effort. Why add more stress to your life? The world is a miserable place as it is – spend 5 minutes online reading the news and that’s all the depression most of us can stand. Get out now, Brother. It’ll only get worse – and Welcome to our island of sanity!

[hellraiderParticipant 2837]

wellcome brother.

Its very simple.
A woman has to do 3 things in a relationship.
Feed you, f~~~ you, and shut the f~~~ up.

That c~~~ on legs is just keeping you around as a beta orbiter, forever destined to a sexless life.

She just wants to go out and get f~~~ed by chad thunderc~~~ and come home crying and bitching to you.

Dont be fooled, the “im a virgin, i dont have a sex drive” means YOURE NOT AN ALFA MALE, YOU DONT HAVE THE BODIE OR THE MONEY I WANT so you cant f~~~ me.

[lord of titts and wineParticipant 11]

Firstly thanks for all the support and advice, Its good to know I’m not the only person out there who’s been in this situation.
I’ve slowly come to accept the fact that there is just no future in this relationship and all I’m doing is simply prolonging the inevitable. I’ve invested 5 years if my life into this relationship and have very little to show for it in terms of return on investment. When i think of where my life could be now, had i spent 5 years focusing on myself instead of someone who doesn’t appreciate it then i can only laugh and take it as a valuable life lesson.
For at least the past 10 years now I’ve felt like my life isn’t actually my own but just a part of everyone else’s and I’ve spent far too much time trying to be all things to all people and putting them before myself.
I’m going to look at the next few months as the start of my actual own life and try to look at this relationship along with other current negative friendships as the last chapter in someone else’s book if that makes any sense.
At 26 i need to start my own life and focus on being the best i can be rather than worrying about others so ive decided im going to tell her the next time we speak that it’s just not working for me and that there’s no future between us as I’m not willing to sacrifice my life, happiness and success for anyone else any longer.
Ive been weak in keeping her around for so long just so i can pat myself on the back and say look you’ve got a girlfriend like everyone else. But i need to learn to be happy single than unhappy in a relationship so ive decided to spend the next few years on developing myself in terms of career, happiness and health before any others.
Im living at home currently and its time i got up off my arse and made something of myself so I’ve decided im finding a job today, whatever it is so i can pay some debt off and get a deposit for my own place together. I’ve booked some driving lessons for next week now so i can buy a crappy car in a month or two when i pass and drive myself to some graduate interviews and start my career along with speaking with an old friend about starting a gym membership together and putting together a diet plan.
I’m going to look at this relationship ending as a positive experience rather than a negative one as i think it’s just the boot i needed to get my life in order. So thank you all for the advice because i know had i not heard some of your responses then I’d have carried on unhappy, unfulfilled and unsuccessful.
Im still young enough to cut all this crap from my life and start again so for all you guys who went through this for years and years thank you for all the advice because you’ve stopped me from making a complete mess of my life.
I wish i could have found this site a long time ago but as the saying goes, better late than never.
Cheers fellas

[TaxGuyParticipant]

lord of titts and wine wrote:

I’ve invested 5 years if my life into this relationship and have very little to show for it in terms of return on investment

If you understand investment, then you also should understand a sunk cost. Many people hold on to investments because of a sunk cost. You bought a stock at $100, it’s down to $70. You feel like you need to stick around and at least break even. But the $100 is a sunk cost, it’s in the past. The real question to ask is where is the stock going from $70.

The time you’ve invested in the relationship is a sunk cost. It’s in the past. The only question is where is the relationship going in the future. Sounds like you know the answer.

Oh yeah, and don’t forget opportunity cost. Once you’ve made a decision, you’ve excluded a list of other options that you could have taken. The cost of spending time with her is all of the other things you could be spending your time doing. Sounds like you have many great options for your time than putting it into that relationship.

Congratulations. The whole world just opened up for you!

Order the good wine

[AttonParticipant]

Word of advice she is unreliable and there was no relationship to begin with. She is a friend always was and always will be, define her as a friend problem solved.

A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!

[John Woods 13Participant 2855]

Welcome sir!
I see my brothers here already helped you make up your mind and end it with this woman. Excellent!
However, I’d like to point something out since it’s a good learning tool for others reading this.

lord of titts and wine wrote:

Eventually we did sleep together properly during one of her visits and so she wasn’t a virgin anymore. When that happened i was happy because i thought we could be a normal couple now and eventually get a place together and have a normal healthy relationship and sex life.
Since that time we slept together properly we haven’t done it again and every time she’s been down she’s always by sheer luck , on her period.

Now this gentlemen is the biggest red flag if I ever did see one. Ha!
Can you imagine the shrewdness of this bitch!? She finally found Chad Thunderc~~~ in London and she wants him to f~~~ her every which way, but poor little princess is a virgin and she doesn’t want to loose her backup. So what does she do? She goes and f~~~s the poor bastard so she is no longer a virgin. Now she can get her c~~~ stuffed by as many dicks as she wants without him suspecting a thing. Despicable, to say the least.
You sir, are what is called “The Backup”. They keep you hanging, giving you the minimum attention to keep you hooked, while they ride the c~~~ carousel and party all through their best years.
Then, when she accidentally gets pregnant by Random Guy, she will come back and this time she won’t be “on her period”. She’ll f~~~ you again a few more times and voila: you’re a daddy. Now, she’ll be willing to leave London all of a sudden and be ready to settle down. So you’ll end up marrying a used up c~~~ and raising a child that is not yours, all while she sits at home doing nothing but nag and complain.
Then, after you work your way up the corporate ladder and become successful and rich, she’ll just decide that she’s bored and she’s “not loved” and she’ll divorce rape you, taking most your money, your house and you car away from you. You will also likely end up paying for her for the rest of your life.
Do you like how that sounds? No? Good, then tell her to f~~~ off now and never speak to her EVER again!

The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”. Memini murum!

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

dobie wrote:

She is manipulating you and using you as a beta back up and emotional tampon .

Hit the nail on the head.

Sorry brother, i know it’s hard to hear, but she’s using you. End of story.

Remember: relationships of any type (romantic, social, economic) are supposed to provide mutual benefit in excess of the cost/energy you put in to them. All you’re getting from her is frustration & throwing $$$ down the drain.

[MattNYCParticipant 2329]

lord of titts and wine wrote:

But i need to learn to be happy single than unhappy in a relationship so ive decided to spend the next few years on developing myself in terms of career, happiness and health before any others.

Behold brothers! A Man Going His Own Way! This is what it’s all about!!!!

[KeymasterKeymaster]

lord of titts and wine wrote:

I wish i could have found this site a long time ago but as the saying goes, better late than never. Cheers fellas

And marriage = better never than late.

lord of titts and wine wrote:

Firstly thanks for all the support and advice, Its good to know I’m not the only person out there who’s been in this situation.

That’s perhaps the most remarkable thing about it. A man thinks he lives on an island, and then wakes up to find out plenty of men separated by years, generations, countries, cultures and very different lives have IDENTICAL stories to tell. It’s remarkable.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[Author]

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