Coping Mechanisms

[ABParticipant 762]

I was curious to hear of others coping mechanisms they use during times of doubt and fear.

In the past I’ve battled vices including alcoholism and drug addiction that I’d abused as coping mechanisms. When I was going through court proceedings over my daughter, I obviously couldn’t resort to drink or drugs as a coping mechanism as it would destroy my reputation in the eyes of the court (thankfully I had no criminal record regarding drunk and disorderly/drug possession etc) so to them I was a clean and healthy Father.

At first I found solace in speaking to Samaritans as I was suicidal at the time, depressed as hell and wallowing in self pity and fear daily. I truly saw no light at the end of the tunnel and couldn’t envision a future where I lost access to my daughter forever. Both a close friend and my brother in law committed suicide over being denied access to their children in 2011 and I’d seen first hand the demons they battled before finally throwing in the towel. My brother in law had children from a past relations~~~ prior to him marrying my sister – he used to cry and lash out in his sleep, haunted by the reality of not seeing his children. My close friend consumed by despair could be often found subdued in drugs and alcohol to bury his head in the sand and refuse dealing with the reality of never seeing his kids again.

Eventually I found my best coping mechanism was making music, venting all my anger, hatred and concerns in songs; it allowed me to process my thoughts and emotions as I crafted the lyrics and as I recorded I would get a huge load off my chest. Now they serve as a testament to the pain and heartache I endured for my child, and they remind me whenever I hear them of exactly why I am MGTOW.

No-one's yet explained to me exactly what's so great // About slaving fifty years away on something that you hate // About meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity // Well if that's your road then take it, but it's not the road for me.

[joetechParticipant]

When I got out of the Navy about a year after my divorce I saw a psychiatrist and was taking classes at a local community college. I was an every other weekend dad, but that was what I wanted. I wasn’t prepared to be a single parent, but I didn’t want to give up my daughter completely. I struggled with drug addiction until I left southern California and moved in with my dad on the other side of the country. When I got clean time and life eased the pain and I learned to move on with my life. Am I to understand you no longer have contact with your daughter? That’s a tough one, for sure. I can tell you that years later my ex was abandoned by her second husband and my 2nd wife and I took them in. It gave me a sense of satisfaction to do that, but today we don’t even speak to each other. Women never appreciate a thing we do until they need us again. The counseling I received really helped, and I would suggest if you’re a veteran that you find a civilian counselor and see them on your VA benefits. Counseling helps.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[ABParticipant 762]

joetech wrote:

Am I to understand you no longer have contact with your daughter? That’s a tough one, for sure.

Thankfully not, I do have weekend contact with my daughter. I have only recently joined MGTOW (formally) so until now I’ve not had the opportunity to discuss this sort of thing with others. I was simply curious how others cope. I managed to fight through it long enough to achieve moderate success in court.

joetech wrote:

I struggled with drug addiction until I left southern California and moved in with my dad on the other side of the country.

I found to overcome drug addiction it required social ostracism. I replaced my social circles with gym membership, I buried myself in weight training and kept myself distant from all the enablers I had previously associated with. I found quickly that abusers have no interest in gym memberships, and it gave me an “out” to avoid socialising with them.

joetech wrote:

Women never appreciate a thing we do until they need us again.

Preach to that. Since I won court, it’s amusing the amount of times my ex tries to weaponise my child to gain leverage knowing damn well she has no other hold over me (besides financial of course!).

No-one's yet explained to me exactly what's so great // About slaving fifty years away on something that you hate // About meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity // Well if that's your road then take it, but it's not the road for me.

[joetechParticipant]

It sounds like you’re on the right track. I moved away from SoCal because the apartment complex I was living in was full of pushers and addicts. Removing myself from that equation was my salvation. Your daughter will become a teenager someday. Do you remember being a teenager? Love her and you will win the fight in the end. I once dated a girl who despised her mother for all the s~~~ her father was put through. My 2nd wife was a red pill girl from Alabama. Your ex can’t hide what’s going on from her daughter. She’s liable to dig a hole for herself. Being a good father will always trump being a bad mother.

"Don't follow in my footsteps...I stepped in something."

[ABParticipant 762]

joetech wrote:

Being a good father will always trump being a bad mother.

That quote made me smile 🙂

It’s a bridge I need to cross when I come to it; part of me REALLY wants to tell my daughter when she is older of all the s~~~ her Mother put me through and how she tried to keep her out of my life – but then I fear the potential backlash it could provoke. Also my daughter could resent me for it, notably if she see’s it as me trying to “sabotage” her relationship with her Mother.

Thus far I play by the old idiom of giving her Mother enough rope and letting her hang herself. My daughter already begs to live with me and cries when she has to go back to her Mother’s. Obviously I aren’t worrying just yet about PAS or indoctrination from her Mother’s side.

No-one's yet explained to me exactly what's so great // About slaving fifty years away on something that you hate // About meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity // Well if that's your road then take it, but it's not the road for me.

[KeymasterKeymaster]

AB wrote:

I was curious to hear of others coping mechanisms they use during times of doubt and fear.

A personal reminder repeated at the worst of times: “you can’t fall off the floor” can even bring a smile to your face when you need it the most. And knowing your planets WILL align again.

They WILL.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[bladeParticipant]

I try and use humor alot even in my mind . I like playing this in my mind sometimes .

THE PLANTATION HAS NOW TURNED INTO THE KILLING FIELDS . WOMAN ARE NOW ROLLING CAMBODIAN STYLE .

[CurmudgeonParticipant 64]

AB wrote:

I was curious to hear of others coping mechanisms they use during times of doubt and fear.

AB: in the midst of my divorce/child custody extortion/family court hell…a surgeon I worked with (also divorced with kids) gave me some solid advice which was quite helpful to me. He said “work as much as you can and read the book of Job” . Working extra hours helped with the financial issues and eliminated the down time which excluded the rumination of marital/divorce hell. The old testament book of Job is about the question of ‘why lousy things happen to decent people’ and ends with the larger question of the true Spiritual tug-of-war we fight in understanding the Creator. It was helpful to me. One caveat: working more hours may influence the courts child extortion awards to the ex. It’s been over 15 years ago now and I remember the anger/bitterness etc. You will eventually live thru the mess and rebuild your life. It seems like it will never happen in the midst of all the chaos. You will be a great dad to your kid in spite of the obstacles your ex may put in your path. God bless and warm regards 😀

No Bills No Boss No Bitch

[bstoffParticipant 4863]

AB, I don’t recommend telling your daughter about manipulation, etc., by her mother until she is an adult, and she will probably ask you about it by then, anyway. This happened with my own daughter in a similar situation. The best thing you can do is be a good example for her. Hopefully, she will learn not to use her mother’s tactics on some poor dude.

[Author]

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