During my life, I wanted to please people. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to think I was cool. I wanted to do what most people were doing so I could feel “normal.” My goals were basically this: be a good Christian, get a job, get married, buy a nice house in a suburban neighborhood with a garage big enough for two cars, and have two kids. I imagined that I would be happy with this life and I’d have the secure feeling that I was just like everyone else. It was very important for me to keep up with my peers (achievements, salary) at that time.
When I became 16 years old, I started getting into a rebellious mode. I used to have a pretty good GPA in high school, but my grades were dropping. I wasn’t doing my homework, and I would cram for exams at the last minute. I got really tired of going to school. During my senior year, I was ditching classes on a regular basis. Sometimes I would just go to the beach or walk on a mountain trail instead of going to school. I was sick of my teachers treating me like a little kid. There was a part of me that craved social validation from my peers, and there was another part of me that just wanted to escape from that place and my crowded city.
After I graduated from high school, I got really confused about life, in general. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I took classes at local community colleges, but I wasn’t doing my homework or studying. I spent a lot of time in the college libraries reading random books and trying to discover the “meaning of life.” One day I thought about how I really wanted my life to be. It was a moment of complete honesty. I don’t want to do stuff that would make my parents proud of me. I don’t want to conform to any standard that my society sets for me. I just want to live in a world where it’s okay to be myself and make my own decisions without financial penalties. I want what many people want: a house, a car, and non-stop entertainment—but I don’t want to EARN that lifestyle.
Since I can’t live in such a fantasy world, I have chosen to take on random jobs just to survive. I’ve put a lot of effort into getting a business degree by taking a lot of college classes, but I just feel burned out with educational institutions. It makes me sad to feel like I could be doing more with my life, however, I honestly wouldn’t mind having a job that wouldn’t impress anyone—like working in a hardware store. I could get by just fine with a small house, a sports car in the driveway, a big screen TV, a leather couch, a coffee table, a refrigerator, a stove, my guitars, and a laptop computer.
I do want more out of life: a college degree, a job with a great salary, a kick ass retirement account, a sexy girlfriend, etc. Maybe I’ll get to that level in the future. But right now: I want to preserve my sanity. My job is driving me crazy. I’m going to deal with it long enough to save up enough money to move to another city. Being an “average guy” has few rewards, but I’d feel better about my existence if it was simple instead of the complex drama my married (with children), financially successful peers are experiencing. I’d have to sacrifice my independence and my carefree lifestyle in order to feel “normal.” Perhaps I can’t win either way. So I choose to be a rebel.
"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)
Varun 3 years, 5 months ago.
