Compare and Contrast: Two Hells

[Binary LogicParticipant 2351]

I find myself awaken from sleep at 2:27 a.m., as I have been the last few nights. For no reason at all I imagine, or maybe perhaps for reasons I have yet to understand. As I lay there, I begin to think about the days recent events. The issue in Syria. Civil war. Genocide. What if those of us that have left the uniform behind are recalled. This leads to my next thought..

Then my heart begins to race, blood pressure spikes, breathing becomes shallow. The anger at wasted effort, saddened by loss. Remorse or resentment for not making different choices. Many of the signs are that of Post traumatic Stress. Ironic, as the supposed symptoms I suffer from my time of conflict on foreign soil are not nearly as prominent. This is the reaction I generally have when thinking of my ex.

Now for a second one might argue that to compare experiences in a war zone and that of a failed relations~~~ is immoral at worst or unbalanced at best. But for those of us that have literally crossed foreign soil and fought, we have a rather intimate experience to use in judgement. And while comparing and contrasting two Hells may seem foolish, for me, it puts the level of treachery I’ve experienced to scale.

The things I’ve experienced in that relations~~~. I, quite literally, would not wish on my worst enemy. Yes, I have more respect for those attempting to openly end my life. This, as opposed to dealing with the treachery and deceit experienced by dealing with women in a relations~~~. In short, I’d rather have a few declared enemies, than to have a supposed friend waiting in the shadows to expose a slow bare blade to back.

But before I end this post, I will say this, being here has made me realize this: The anger at wasted effort is really just anger at wasted time. Sadness of loss, is really sadness associated with being fed a lie, and the corresponding reality of letting go of the myth of a “real” relations~~~. Remorse or resentment for not making different choices, as in the resentment of not letting go sooner and living the much more fulfilling life I’ve been living since.

-tschüss[Beer]

Funny, isn't it? How women thrive on a mans time, attention and resources, while simultaneously telling him he isn't enough...

[KeymasterKeymaster]

Binary Logic wrote:

This, as opposed to dealing with the treachery and deceit experienced by dealing with women in a relations~~~. In short, I’d rather have a few declared enemies, than to have a supposed friend waiting in the shadows to expose a slow bare blade to back.

This is why feminist types ( who wear their hate on their sleeve ) are not even a concern. You can spot their toxicity from a mile away. They even dye their hair toxic colors.

It’s the one who says she “loves” you that you gotta watch out for – behind that plastic smile and through all those “knock down drag out fights”. Behind that ice-cold thousand c~~~ stare and the big black hole in her chest, is a perfect example of your basic nightmare.

If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.

[MarketWatcherParticipant]

Binary Logic wrote:

I suffer from my time of conflict on foreign soil are not nearly as prominent.

Thank you for your service sir. Peace man..

[PistolPeteParticipant 27143]

We’re hear to listen, and understand. So let it rip brother! Excellent post BTW. It demonstrates a level of self awareness that women will never know.

[Anonymous 43]

you suffer night terror from service to country, I suffer night terror from service to a c~~~. same screaming, same rage, same pain.

I woke up on the floor this morning. don’t know how or when I got there. I had a boot in my hand…musta been a good melee there in my dreams there was stuff thrown all over my room.

I think we will get past our torment over time. for me it was every night for a couple years. now down to 3x a week. I don’t see the c~~~ in the night terror as much as representations of the threat she still poses, police, courthouse, Judge F~~~wit, my kids telling me off all still fresh in my mind.

I wish I had a solution for your two hells. just keep truckin’ brother. don’t turn to booze and drugs, that s~~~ makes things way worse.

oh, check your contract you signed when you went in concerning recall to duty. Find out what your status is. Until 5/7/2020 I know I can be recalled into divorce court at any time for any bulls~~~ reason. I think that is the heart of my night terror. I fear having my door kicked in at 2am, then dragged through 2 states handcuffed in the back of a sheriff’s van with no windows for a 2pm court hearing and I am never heard from ever again.

[Anonymous 3]

I agree, that the two hells can be compared: both make a lot of PTSD and heavy emotional damage. (Of course, most of the time one does not get visible bodily harm from a hell-relationship, but it is known that stress of many years does have bad health effects too.)

I say this, while I never have been a soldier in military, and hope I will never have to.
But I know the feeling you are talking about. I have been a “child-soldier” in the marriage conflict of my psycho parents (lasted for 20+ years), that was the worst I ever experienced. Bodily harm also happened, my mother was frequently beaten by my father to unconscious, my mother tried false suicide attempts many times, and they were (and I was also forced to) shout bad language all night to each other. I was manipulated by my mother to investigate on my father if he has a girlfriend and we can catch him f~~~ing. I was manipulated to read and log daily kilometers of car, lot of riding on a bicycle after the car in the city traffic (jam) to get information – quite lethal if another car hits me- while trying to not get noticed, and picking his pockets and looking at everything including his mobile phone’s data content, while he was sleeping. Yeah,all that while I had a disease as a teen, that my bones made some weird cracking noises while walking or moving, that was loud in the dead of night 2am in the staircase. Lot of “action”(and I did hate doing it but was forced to do) when I could have been heavily beaten up. Literally feared death many times. All that, because my mother did not want to let the huge family house to be sold, although estimated sale price would have been more than enough for two apartments all the time. Yes, half of a f~~~ing house (instead of an apartment the price would buy) worth more than a war like life for her and his son. F~~~ed up life decisions by her. Seriously.

I am still paranoid on my privacy and feel PTSD if I overhear some family conflict from the other side of the street. The same when I see someone crying, screaming. I get to literally feel “Run away!” if i see these. I made a lot of bad decisions in my life, too, and I feel that I should not have done them.

Gargamel (in his intro) has some long stories of his childhood nightmare caused by women, too.

[FunInTheSunParticipant 8283]

If I was drafted for a war, I wonder if I could remember how to reassemble an M16 rifle (I don’t know if they’re still in use). It’s been about 17 years since I’ve cleaned one.

"I saw that there comes a point, in the defeat of any man of virtue, when his own consent is needed for evil to win-and that no manner of injury done to him by others can succeed if he chooses to withhold his consent. I saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ‘No.’" (Atlas Shrugged)

[redCanine3669Participant 90]

Binary Logic wrote:

Now for a second one might argue that to compare experiences in a war zone and that of a failed relations~~~ is immoral at worst or unbalanced at best.

there’s a saying: “all’s fair in love and war.” until recently, i didn’t understand why the phrase was comparing love to war.

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