Codependent Men

[Balls34Participant 7]

Evening, gents! I’m new(er) here. By that I mean I found this site a few years ago while angrily going through a divorce, almost swallowed the red pill, then found online dating and banged my way into a beautiful disaster that I totally white knighted. I’ a pretty alpha man, above average looks (which is a problem when you don’t trust or really like women), but I ran into a woman that is drop dead sexy, and f~~~ed like a champion. Like nothing I’d ever seen.

 

So I fell hard. Her life was f~~~ed up, cane from a good family (her dad is a good man, moms a fat unhappy whale that spends his money) but she f~~~ed her marriage up and was spun out.

For whatever f~~~ing stupid male reason, I offered to help her. Friend zoned myself cause I knew this was trouble. For 2 months I was a gentleman. But she kept coming around my apartment and each time she was dressed sexier. After a while and not f~~~ing anything, I lost it and i f~~~ed her. fell in love. Immediately. Totally drew me in. Her problems became mine. The biggest one being her mangina ex husband who was texting her everyday practically crying.

 

Anyway what I’ve learned about myself is I love a challenge. A f~~~ing project. I’m needed. Im codependent. No matter that I’m good looking, successful, think highly of myself….I’m codependent.

Ive spent a bit of time reading posts here the last few days, and I don’t think I’m alone. I’ve read over and over, stories of men being sucked over trying to please women. Being unselfish, giving, loving, caring, providing men ou to wind being Charlie Brown trying to kick the football and Lucy picked it up.

I think in my case, I had a s~~~ty dad and I vowed at a young age to be better than him. So I’ve tried to be good to women. Be a better dad, etc…but I think it’s impossible. I can’t please a woman. I can raise my kids (2 girls) to be better than me out my father there, but there’s no way an alpha male can sustain a long term relationship with a western woman.

However, it’s in our DNA as men to fix it. We see a problem and we have to solve it. We see a damsel in distress and were drawn in. Our society is f~~~ing littered with single moms who need us. And like fools we are drawn to them. And we puff out our chests and act like we are doing a noble thing. But in reality, were f~~~ing ourselves up. We’re lowering ourselves and settling for less. We’re taking over someone else’s problems.

Codependency in men. It’s real, and if you suspect you might be codependent, I urge you to read up on it. I was used and Charlie Brown’ed. Don’t let it happen to you.

 

Peace

[BubParticipant 1404]

The only thing you as a man can fix in this situation is yourself.  She doesn’t want or need you to fix her mess for her.  She doesn’t even want it fixed, she thrives on the dysfunction.  They all do.  If this mess gets “fixed” she’d be on to the next mess pronto.

Cut your loss and run.   Go your own way and don’t look back.

Just rolling down the road

[DakotaParticipant 341]

Welcome to the forums, B~~~~.

I can just say that I used to be white knight/codependent.  And then I got run through the ringer.  It’s like a switched got flicked in my head and now my personal philosophy is this:  F~~~.  IT.

There are SOOO many damsels in distress and problems in this world that it’s overwhelming.  BUT, there are seemingly an equal number of white knighters and suckers to fill in the gaps…without me or you.  As an example…the next time NPR asks for donations or some local organization like a library or food bank asks for volunteers, don’t.  Just watch.  There are ALWAYS more suckers than needed and the “end of the world” never comes.

I don’t know what that codependence, self-help book said but at the end of the day what we’re talking about is self-sacrifice.   You sacrificing yourself for others.  That is self-defeating.  Trying to harm one’s self is a neurosis.  While you’re sacrificing your time, resources and talents for some hoe, imagine applying all of those things to your daughter’s BEST chances of success and your own interests.  Now imagine p~~~ing away your daughter BEST chances of success and flushing your own interests down the toilet.  Two good books that illustrate what a TRUE independent man looks like is Atlas Shrugged and Anthem.  You could finish Anthem in one sitting.

Women bargain with pussy for what they cannot get.  A woman needs a man for his amazing abilities.  You’re not special in that regard, my alpha-male friend.  Neither am I.  Let the next sucker do all the work.  Bargain wisely with women and you’ll get her to trade the goods for nothing but hope.     

[peterfaParticipant 833]

Most men are codependent. Women tend to struggle with me because I will take what they say, evaluate it, and if it’s a good reason, I’ll follow it… if not, I ignore it. Women can’t articulate themselves (not by any virtue of femininity in this case, but because it’s hard to articulate a good reason when you want that person to believe it’s for their best interest, and not yours, when you really don’t give a flip). They expect you to do absolutely everything for them and when asked to explain it, they’re stunned. They don’t know why you are to live fully for them. They just grew up being taught that.

[KingOfTheSeaParticipant 1270]

peterfa wrote:

Most men are codependent.

The worst part is, most men won’t acknowledge or accept this despite the fact is is pretty much the norm. It’s terrifying.

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