Burning House Analogy

[QuellParticipant 2538]

Brothers, all too often I think we internalize the damage women have done to us from an mental perspective. We focus on the future or the anger of what happened to all of us. The vast majority of us are here because some traumatic event like a long-term breakup, infidelity, divorce, or financial ruin. We have vowed to help each other and to NEVER allow this sort of thing to ever happen to us again. For many men just going through this process it is extremely hard. A few days ago was the 3 year anniversary of my long-term relationship ending. It was very hard on me but today I am almost 100% better. I am different now; forever changed. I was looking back on my journey and how I felt and I likened it to a House. I hope this little story can help at least one person know that you are not alone and to reach out to any one of us during your rebirth. Thank you all for being there for me.

The Burning House

I think the reason why we men take a divorce or breakup harshly is this. Imagine you are living your life. You live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. You have some great friends and a woman whom you consider your life partner. You have a dog and maybe a couple of kids. You have a good job and life is stable. Years of hard work and smart decisions allow you to enjoy the fruits of your labor until one fateful day:

Now imagine one random Tuesday. It’s 5:47 pm and there is a gentle breeze rustling the summer leaves in the parking lot. You just got off of work and are driving home. The Beach Boys are on the radio and you shoot yourself a half grin as joy envelopes thoughts. You turn the corner to your street like you’ve done thousands of times before. You get closer to your home. You’re almost there.

You pull into your safe little cul de sac… and look up… BOOM!… there is your home, and it’s on fire! Holy Crap! Flames are shooting from the kitchen window as black soot darkens the white washed siding you replaced last year. You jump out of your car and run inside. The flames are engulfing the kitchen. You yell for your wife but there is no answer. Where is she? Where are the dogs and the kids? You run into the garage and grab the fire extinguisher. You scurry back to the kitchen to put out the fire. How does this thing work? Pull the pin you dummy! Finally foam pours out of the canister. You think it is working and it does. But new fires emerge. A spot here, another spot there. It’s growing. Now it’s in the walls and you can see it jump upstairs. You finally see your wife and she is just standing there. Why isn’t she helping?!

There is a hose outside. You make a mad dash for the backyard, attach the nozzle to the spigot and let ‘er rip! It’s working. The water is putting out the fire. Finally it is out. You run back inside to call 911 and that’s when you see your wife. Thank God she is ok. As you run past you see something in her hand… it’s a lighter. WTF? She looks back at you and lights the couch on fire. There is no emotion on her face as she stares right through your soul. It goes up like a match. Not only is the couch on fire but now she is lighting spot fires all over the house. Your mind can’t process what is happening. You run back for the fire extinguisher and try as best you can to put out the fires. As you get one under control another appears. They are getting bigger and bigger now and your extinguisher is just about out of foam. You only have one option. You run for your life narrowly escaping a falling beam. Your wife and kids are nowhere to be found. They calmly left out the front door 10 minutes ago.

You look back in disbelief from the curb as your once beautiful house is now raging with inferno. Soon the fire department comes but there is nothing they can do. They just let it burn. They won’t let you go inside. They show no emotion. Just another job. Later they douse the blackened rubble with water then peacefully leave. Random people show up one by one to stare at the rubble. Within an hour of your house burning down a claims adjuster shows up on scene. Papers are signed. They are here to help they say. You are in shock. Next a disaster recovery and cleaning crew show up. Another meeting but the words don’t really resonate. Your wife is gone. Nobody seems to mention her. She started the fire. She is not here and yet nobody seems concerned about where she is. Within another hour you call your family two states over to tell them the news. It makes you feel better but within 30 minutes the call is over and you are back staring at the ashes. They can’t help. You wonder why no local TV crew didn’t come cover the story. The is big news… your house burned to the f~~~ing ground. Apparently nobody cares. This is not news; this is common place.

It’s now 11 pm and the claims adjuster has left the scene. He has given you a list of extended stay hotels in the area and a voucher for some clothing at the local Target. That is the best he can do tonight. You try to go back into your house but the cleaning crew stop you this time. Your house, your world, is now tapped off never for you to return to again. You get in your car and pull out of your driveway in utter disbelief.

Chapter II: Extended Stay

But the story doesn’t end there. For the next 4 months your home is an extended stay motel on the opposite end of town. Your clothes are all new. Everything in your life is new but not a good kind of new. It is a worse kind of new. The aqua green polyester bed spread from 1996 and chipped linoleum floor in your new home is utterly depressing. This sucks. The only things to survive the fire were your car and your job. Going to your job every day is your new sanctuary, but even there you can’t escape the thoughts of your wife burning down your house.

Eventually, after 4 months your claims adjuster calls with news. This is it, finally life will return back to normal you think. However, it is not good news. The insurance company will only pay 50% of your claim. You fight it and they fight back. They also represent your wife whom you’ve haven’t seen since the day of the fire. Apparently she had a hand in the claim. You fight indirectly but inside you know you have lost. It drains you further. You begrudgingly take the 50% claim and rent a townhome. The townhome isn’t anywhere near what your old house used to be. It is older and outdated but all you can afford. The money left over isn’t enough to replace all of the furniture you’ve lost but you make do with what you have.

Your nights are spent thinking about how you got into this position and contemplating ways out of it. But there is no way out of it. Day after day you think and yell. Then you when you think you have it figured out the pain of it all hits you again and again. How do I get my house back? Where is my wife?…I am alone…That’s when you start to drink and smoke pot. You escape inward but unbeknownst to you the voices in your head are only amplified when distort the outside world. They become demons. Your friends grow tired of your story and you begin to distance yourselves from them. They are fine with your absence and forget about you. All you can ponder about is your horrible situation and ways to get out of it. You are obsessed with it. You talk to yourself and almost lose your mind every single day. Pressure is building. You mostly keep it together but incidents pop up at work. You go on a drunken bender and break a college kids nose. You now have a criminal record and more attorney’s fees. You seek counseling but it is only a band-aid. You can’t afford it so you stop going. It’s not your fault. You disappear.

Darkness My Old Friend

Then a deep sadness washes ashore as you realize there is nothing left. This sadness envelopes you like a woolen blanket. Darkness sets in and you stay that way for a good long while. You are an empty shell. Then one day you grow tired of being covered in darkness. You peek your head out only to see what your world has become. You don’t like it and go back into the darkness. The darkness becomes your companion and you become the dark. You live in the darkness for years. All you have is your memories and your sadness. You have gone mad. You tell no one as this struggle is yours and yours alone.

You live in this darkness because your world is gone. Your home, your wife, your kids and dogs are all gone. All you want to do is go home like you had done thousands of times before but you can’t. One day, like nothing, it was taken from you. Your stability and the world you had skillfully crafted for years vanished in a blink of an eye. Ignorant blissful comfort is gone. What is hard about the darkness is that it is never ending. It goes on each day. Your wife never had to experience the loss. She destroyed your world but was able to effortlessly float into a new world almost immediately. Never appreciating any of it. She didn’t have to build a world of her own she simply jumped from one world to the next… always perfect and bendable to her whim.

Redemption

Slowly but surely you decide that the darkness has nothing and is nothing. Darkness isn’t fulfilling. One day you decide to leave the darkness and live in your townhome with your new clothes. They aren’t good so you choose to rebuild. You make a plan. You decide to move and one day you pack up what is left and start over fresh in a new city with a new job and a new purpose. You rent a small unremarkable apartment but it is yours and yours alone. It is pure with no memory of the past. You slowly gain back the money and confidence you had before the fire. You ride your motorcycle, learn to surf and travel on the weekends to the mountains to hike and fly fish. You get a new dog and he becomes your mate. You make new friends and even pork a girl or two for fun. You vow never to go back to your old life or look backwards ever again. You will never allow someone to burn down your house ever again. You are forever changed. You are now free to see the world with your eyes wide open. You are now MGTOW.

[ScarberianMPTGLParticipant 3286]

Luckily I’ve kept all matches and lighters, etc. out of my home for the past 8 years.

I, Lelouch Vi Britannia, command you, all of you, to Go Your Own Way!!

[Prefer Peace to PieceParticipant 10809]

Quell,

Thanks brother. What a beautiful, eloquent story. Often the path to MGTOW starts out with a momentous event as you described.

Even though women sometimes try to harm us, we end up finding our freedom.

[QuellParticipant 2538]

Thanks Prefer Peace to Piece. I think all too often we play off the the journey but in reality I bet we are all struggling with someone or something. The metal aspect of a huge life change is the hardest part in my opinion.

You just want to go home where things make sense again but can’t.

[Author]

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