At certain points a person is ready to let go of negative emotions and forgive

[AsceticmonkParticipant 857]

At certain points a person is ready to let go of negative emotions and forgive

to both theists and non-theists, Christians and non-Christians, whether we agree or not,

men, I respect you all.

When a person is willing, as to what I am about to write, I do not judge or criticize any of you if you do not agree and/or would not want to take this step,

But as for those of you that see value to this, I have to paraphrase something I heard a while ago.

The only thing that you can’t take from a man, unless he lets you, is the power he has to feel about a situation or circumstance in life the way he wants to feel about it.

So, i’ve decided that I don’t want to give into the negative emotions.

I don’t want to give into unforgiveness. I don’t want to give into hatred. I don’t want to be angry all the time. I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to continue fretting. I don’t want to keep thinking about what “THEY” did to me, and keep getting upset about the same thing in the past over and over again, while I can do nothing to change what happened.

Like Awakened said “not taking up space in my head”, or something like that.

I think we can take the same thing Awakened brought up and further apply it to this to be even more helpful.

Even though the reality is that we have been wronged, that it did hurt, that it did affect us, this is also just as true:

The reality is that I HAVE THE POWER, to not allow the pain of such past events and injustices to be exaserbated by me choosing to give into anger, rage, regret, frustration, bitterness, unforgiveness, or wrath.

SIMPLY BECAUSE I CHOOSE, to think about good things, to think about love, to think about beauty, to think about rest, to think about how i’m thankful I have clean water to drink and food to eat today. TO think about how great sleep is going to be again, to think about how I can CHOOSE to do positive things just because I want to, and just because its decent, and just because it feels good, to be a sane, positive, beneficial citizen doing constructive things, BECAUSE I WANT TO, and not because its demanded of me or anything.

JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO, because thats what responsible, beneficial, rational, constructive, and positive men CHOOSE TO DO BECAUSE WE WANT TO.

Because its satisfying to do good, and to do right, to work hard, and to do well.

I am choosing to think about how I am not crippled and in a wheelchair, i’m going to be thankful that I have an education, that I can at least do the job I have and that I can use that income to pay the bills I can pay, to meet my needs.

I AM NOT going to choose to think about that garbage that keeps popping in my head, of what horrible thing that guy did to me, or that horrible thing that woman did to me, I AM NOT, GOING TO LET, THESE PEOPLE THAT WRONGED ME, AND WHAT THEY DID, TAKE UP SPACE IN MY HEAD.

Just because I choose to forgive, let it go, AND MOVE FORWARD in my life, so I can live a life worth living, and think about and do things that have positive substance, because I choose to.

[Point Of No ReturnParticipant 4074]

Mind and heart don’t live in the same space.

Know when it is your duty to give them zero explanations for your actions.

[Anonymous 54]

I like being in a good mood. Its when I am myself the most.
I hate it when I let things wreck it.
Its really the true quality of life.
All the fancy goodies in the world dont mean a thing when your p~~~ed off.
If your in a good mood, it wont matter that your life is humble.

[SESQUI ano estParticipant 2535]

At certain points a person is ready to let go of negative emotions and forgive

So true and sometimes so difficult a place to get to

Everyday above ground is a good one. Everyday above ground while single...better still.

[Puffin StuffParticipant 25018]

I will never forgive and I will never forget.

Some things can’t be gotten over.

They reveal an ugliness of the soul that can’t be washed away by time.

#icethemout; Remember Thomas Ball. He died for your children.

[chirParticipant]

Forgive? Yes.
Forget? F~~~ NO.

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, it is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning; it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

[Anonymous 38]

Great post. Reminds me of a quote I saw the other day:

There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self respect, or his self-confidence. He is still a King.
~Orison Swett Marden

Men, this path is open to you. The real tragedy in life is not that you’ve been hurt, but that you die having never let go of that hurt. You must keep working towards it and win the battle of the mind.

Anonymous wrote:

All the fancy goodies in the world dont mean a thing when your p~~~ed off.

Profoundly true. When I finally realised this I had to laugh at myself.

[Branched offParticipant 11036]

Its a great thing, if you can do it.

Some sad things are etched into us like canyons cut into the mountains of our mind. You can say “I forgive”, you can mean it with all your heart but it won’t make the rivers of pain flow back up those valleys. The geography of your mind has been cut by betrayal and an intellectual decision can’t change it.

That is not to say that we can’t try to dam the floods or to reduce the rainfall or to try to use it for irrigating something good and in time the geography itself can gradually change as the tectonic plates of our lives move on to something better but for some folk the cuts are too deep to just say “I forgive” and for them to be healed.

Still respect to the man who can do it successfully. I wish I could have a bit of that.

Years have flown by, children have been born, others grown up, friends and relatives have died and I can say with a glad hear that it is better now but it is not healed, more that the bad things I suffered from women are just bad things that I have allowed to fall into insignificance by making more and better good things.

A woman is like fire -fun to play with, can warm you through and cook your food, needs constant feeding, can burn you and consume all you own

[Anonymous 12]

I don’t feel that you have to forgive or forget to move on. I think there is this emphasis on forgiveness as many people think that if they don’t forgive they will be this bubbling mess of rage forever.

I just think it’s more complex than that.

[Anonymous 42]

Here’s a thread on the same issue for anyone that wants more on the subject:

Forgiveness? Blue pill, red pill, or no pill?

[sidecarParticipant 35862]

Letting go of negative emotions is one thing.

Forgiveness is something else entirely.

[MonkParticipant 17064]

Asceticmonk wrote:

At certain points a person is ready to let go of negative emotions and forgive.

Never forgive. File it and walk away.

Never forget. ‘Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it’.

[TaxGuyParticipant]

So, should I forgive my ex for the lying, the cheating, saying the most hurtful things she could think of to say just to “win” a stupid argument? Should I forgive her for treating me like a second class citizen while I provided everything for my family? Should I forgive her because the dogs had a higher status for her than I had?

As many of the men here have pointed out, you don’t forgive so the other person feels better, you forgive for your own piece of mind.

But I’ve forgiven someone else. MYSELF. I forgave myself for buying the blue pill dream, for believing that it was my job to make her happy, for sacrificing my own happiness for everyone else’s. I forgave the person who really deserved forgiveness.

From the time we were little children we were taught that boys are snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, and girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. We were taught to hold a door open for girl, and to give her your coat if she gets cold. We were brainwashed to always think of the women and children first.

So if you want to forgive someone, forgive yourself first for believing the lies. YOU deserve forgiveness far more than anyone else.

And as far as forgetting goes, don’t ever forget what brought you here.

Order the good wine

[Author]

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