1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. You know stuff about cars.
3. A five-day vacation only requires one suitcase.
4. Monday Night Football.
5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. Old friends don’t give you crap if you have lost or gained weight.
7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
8. All your orgasms are real.
9. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
10. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
11. You don’t have to lug a bunch of stuff around everywhere you go.
12. Your last name stays put.
13. You can kill your own food.
14. The garage is all yours.
15. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
16. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
17. You never have to clean the toilet.
18. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
19. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
20. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
21. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
22. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
23. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
24. You can write your name in the snow.
25. You can get into a nontrivial p~~~ing contest.
26. Everything on your face stays its original color.
27. Chocolate is just another snack.
28. You can be President.
29. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
30. Flowers fix everything.
31. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
33. Foreplay is optional.
34. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
35. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
36. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
37. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
38. You can watch a game in silence with your buddies for hours on end without thinking about anything.
39. The world is your urinal.
40. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
41. One mood, all the time.
42. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
43. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too scary.
44. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
45. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
46. Same work… more pay. (Well maybe not so much anymore!)
47. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
48. Wedding dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
49. With 40 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
50. The remote is yours and yours alone.
51. People never glance at your chest when you are talking to
them.
52. ESPN’s Sports Center.
53. Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers.
54. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
55. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you
naked.
56. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
57. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “F~~~ it”.
58. If another guy shows up at the party wearing the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
59. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.
60. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
61. If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
62. Pornos are designed with your mind in mind.
63. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
64. Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with, ” So… notice anything different?”
65. Baywatch
66. There is always a game on somewhere.
67. You can drive a pickup every day without people wondering if you’re a lesbian.
68. You can stare at a girl’s t~~~.
69. You can go to a strip club and not think it’s wrong.
70. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
MGTOWmonkey aka No More Fucks To Give 3 years, 7 months ago.
