The Never Say Things and my answers.

1. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
Okay, subject closed. I’ll just go back to whatever it was I’m doing.

2. “Does this make me look fat.”
“Yes, you’ve been putting on weight lately.” Honey, it ain’t the wrapper that’s fat — it’s what’s inside the package. Really, why even ask, if you are planning to hate an honest answer? (Come to think on it, maybe this is why she’s doing that “it’s nothing” sulking act again.)

3. “Here, just let me do it.”
Okay, I’ll just go back to whatever it was I’m doing before you nagged me into doing this. If you ask me to do something, I’ll do it my way. If you want it done your way, then do it yourself.

4. “You are sooo sweet! How do you not have a girlfriend???”
I did. Miss Right left me for a drug dealing motorcycle gang member.

5. “You are going to make some girl really happy some day.”
Some other girl I presume. You’ve been in one long sulk — relieved only by angry outbursts — the whole time I’ve known you.

6. “Does this outfit show too much skin.”
No, not if you’re a streetwalker. Yes, if you wanted me to introduce you to my parents.

7. “You’re like a brother to me.”
Oh, really? Does your brother tell you you’re getting fat too?

8. “So, what are you thinking.”
I was thinking about what I was doing, until you interrupted me with your s~~~.

9. “Um, you don’t have to do that for me. Do you think I’m incapable of opening the door for myself?”
If you want, I’d be glad to slam it in your face from now on. Just ask. My general rule is, the first one to the door opens it for the other one. That saves us both from having to shuffle around switching positions and so forth.

10. “My ex used to do that, too.”
Don’t you really mean you used to run head games on him too, and he didn’t like it either? No matter how hot you are in a bikini, there is some man somewhere who can’t put up with your s~~~ anymore! (Well, you were hot, but that was before you started the weight gain.)

7. “You’re like a brother to me.”
Oh, really? Does your brother tell you you’re getting fat too?

That’s cold RD, and I love it. Luckily, I have not heard that brother crap in many coon’s ages, but I’ll be saving that one though.

His voice gave me a sharp headache.

They will learn as life goes on…. and hopefully, they’ll survive.