I am a very analytical person and spent a lot of time (too much) analyzing our behavior while we were still married. The last few years of our marriage I came realize that it wasn’t a ME thing or an US thing that was causing the strife but a HER thing. I was indoctrinated that it takes two to maintain a relationship and that it takes two for a relationship to fail. This implies that I was at fault for her intolerable behavior. I spent many, many sleepless nights lamenting the state of our marriage and contemplated what was needed for us to get back on track.

Slowly, I came to realize that this would never happen.

No matter how I defended myself against her mind games, control games, verbal attacks, and general disdain she demonstrated towards myself, I was always going to be the bad guy. Like most vagina bearers she has the ability to cry on command.  Also, don’t forget PTSD is equal to my being insane, therefore I don’t see things clearly.

I wasn’t brought up that the pinnacle of a man’s existence is to be a husband and father but I still couldn’t escape the feeling that I had failed in some way. Quitting is not a word you find in my day-to-day vocabulary. My marriage is one of the few things in my life that I have walked away from. As a combat medic I never shied away from the bullets, bombs, motors, rockets, or the screams of the wounded. But the idea of spending another day in a relationship in a mind game playing, control game playing, unaffectionate, unappreciative, relentlessly nagging harpy that has clear indicators that she has an Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) Not to be confused a true Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, (OCD) – left me feeling frightened and alone.

I have joint custody of my sons. My oldest can’t take her s~~~ either. He has told me that he is happy I divorced his mother if only that he can get away from her for a week at a time. I don’t need a woman to be happy. I get horny but never feel alone. I educate my sons about the realities of women and dating in today’s North American society. I know that there are decent women out there and tell them to hold out for the real deal but they are the minority. A very small minority. I also tell them that having a woman in their life isn’t a need-to-have but a nice-to-have. I tell them that no one is going to take better care of you than yourself. I emphasize education, personal responsibility and accountability and that MEN should be the epitome of the word integrity. I am often grateful that I never had a daughter.

I still get angry sometimes. I am a realest. I gave up my 20’s to my 40’s to a woman that promised me a measure of happiness and then reneged. Einstein once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So I don’t understand current women’s thinking that trying to feminize you men, cuckolding, belittling, game playing, then gas lighting about their behavior still persists. It’s not working and men are opting out of committing to a relationship with women because you just can’t afford to trust. A divorce costs too much in the way of money and anguish. Not to mention if children are involved.

I fear that the separation between the sexes will widen to the point that a significant amount of the reproduction will happen as a result of artificial insemination. This is a two-edged sword. On one hand, “Great now I don’t have to bother with making a woman feel fulfilled by pushing a baby out of the pussy”. On the other hand, “Who will raise the boys to become men?”.

For that matter who will start raising girls to become women?

1.  Staying single vs. not staying single.  Not really a hard issue.  This is bound to come up.

2.  Having kids either:

a. Being married.  We have all seen the potential disaster that comes from committing to wedlock out of ‘love’.

b. The reality of getting a girl pregnant and not marrying her because you don’t want to run the risk of her getting her claws in your hard-earned resources that you want to use for your own future and that you should pursue joint custody so that you have some say in the upbringing of your son or daughter.  Especially if the little bastard is a son and you don’t want him to enter adulthood with a full fledged mangina.

c. Getting a vasectomy.  This is a subject that has already come up with my oldest teenaged son.  He was the one that brought it up.  He expressed his desire to not have any children and that having a kid will really get in the way of his accomplishing what he is setting out in life to do.  This evolved in to a serious conversation about the very real potential financial and emotional danger that getting in to a commitment can bring.  this led to a discussion of being on the lookout for those vagina bearers that are really just looking for a sperm donor and help with the housework comes from the sperm donation and that women can take a hard look at you and decide that you are disposable.  I have to thank his mother for giving rise to this conversation.  We have week-on, week-off custody and can’t stand his own mother and worries about getting trapped by a similar harpy.

I guess what I am really concerned about is that the content and ramifications of these conversations with adolescents can be ugly.  Men going their own way is not an ugly is not an ugly concept.  The reasons why are and the prospect of talking about these issues with my sons is a little daunting.

I’m not afraid for their futures or happiness but it’s not exactly the My Three Sons/Eight Is Enough fodder I was raised on.

Forgive her.  Do not hang on to any negative feelings about her.  Get the anger out or it will eat you like a piranha.  Once you push out the anger, push out all feeling about her.  Do not dwell on the good or bad.   If she gets all wacky just find your center calm (for me my calm place is remembering my G’pa teaching me how to paint watercolors) and let her wacky flow on by you.

Priority one, get yourself as right as you can.  Exercise, meditate, work on projects.  Men are do’ers.  Do something you like and as you focus on it with your mind and muscle the emotional pain just pops right out of your thoughts.  Women love to talk for days about their problems.  Men physically work their problems out.

Once you gather your self up your kids will notice that “Hey, the old man has his kit in order.”

Time to remove your focus and feelings for her and return your focus to yourself and your feelings for your kids.    Besides…  Being a great dad is the best revenge with no downside.  lol!!

…. and salutations for your service.

Heartfelt solace to you, friend. I can’t give better advice than Chir has given.. he was totally spot on. This is how you do it. I work on projects all the time, and it brings me peace, and incidentally brings me status with people who notice. And those are the people you want attention from (as long as they aren’t just trying to horn in on your success 😉 )

Peace.