http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/

http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/01/01/untitled/

From the first essay:

 

– I had a patient, let’s call him ‘Henry’ for reasons that are to become clear, who came to hospital after being picked up for police for beating up his fifth wife.

 

So I asked the obvious question: “What happened to your first four wives?”

 

“Oh,” said the patient, “Domestic violence issues. Two of them left me. One of them I got put in jail, and she’d moved on once I got out. One I just grew tired of.”

 

“You’ve beaten up all five of your wives?” I asked in disbelief.

 

“Yeah,” he said, without sounding very apologetic.

 

“And why, exactly, were you beating your wife this time?” I asked.

 

“She was yelling at me, because I was cheating on her with one of my exes.”

 

“With your ex-wife? One of the ones you beat up?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So you beat up your wife, she left you, you married someone else, and then she came back and had an affair on the side with you?” I asked him.

 

“Yeah,” said Henry.

 

I wish, I wish I wish, that Henry was an isolated case. But he’s interesting more for his anomalously high number of victims than for the particular pattern.

 

…

 

When I was younger – and I mean from teeanger hood all the way until about three years ago – I was a nice guy. In fact, I’m still a nice guy at heart, I just happen to mysteriously have picked up girlfriends. And I said the same thing as every other nice guy, which is “I am a nice guy, how come girls don’t like me?”

 

There seems to be some confusion about this, so let me explain what it means, to everyone, for all time.

 

It does not mean “I am nice in some important cosmic sense, therefore I am entitled to sex with whomever I want.”

 

It means: “I am a nicer guy than Henry.”

 

Or to spell it out very carefully, Henry clearly has no trouble with women. He has been married five times and had multiple extra-marital affairs and pre-marital partners, many of whom were well aware of his past domestic violence convictions and knew exactly what they were getting into. Meanwhile, here I was, twenty-five years old, never been on a date in my life, every time I ask someone out I get laughed at, I’m constantly teased and mocked for being a virgin and a nerd whom no one could ever love, starting to develop a serious neurosis about it.

 

And here I was, tried my best never to be mean to anyone, gave to charity, pursuing a productive career, worked hard to help all of my friends. I didn’t think I deserved to have the prettiest girl in school prostrate herself at my feet. But I did think I deserved to not be doing worse than Henry.

 

No, I didn’t know Henry at the time. But everyone knows a Henry. Most people know several. Even three years ago, I knew there were Henry-like people – your abusers, your rapists, your bullies – and it wasn’t hard to notice that none of them seemed to be having the crushing loneliness problem I was suffering from.

 

And, like my patient Dan, I just wanted to know – how is this fair?

 

And I made the horrible mistake of asking this question out loud, and that was how I learned about social justice.

that’s it. you are not a nice guy because you don’t want to make her uncomfortable with the question. she is manipulating you anyways, boosting her esteem that she can drag you around on a leash. Don’t think she is not aware that you want more, she knows the dynamic much better than you do. despite that, ask her- and if she says no, then leave and don’t ever go back. not even if she calls you up whining that she misses you.

But better yet, become a MGHOW and self define yourself, without letting society define your masculinity based on being in a relationship or not. Stop seeking to define yourself as a conventional nice guy, and do what you sincerely feel is nice, such as volunteering at an animal shelter. but don’t believe being a doormat for some ungrateful gash makes you a nice guy.

Nice guy types seem to think that they should get sex just because they’ve never deliberately done anything violent to a woman, as if that’s what women really look for in a sex partner. And yes, I am focusing on sex because the nice guy in the article was talking about wanting sex and not getting it.

My thoughts on the matter:

1) pretending to be a female’s friend as a way to get close enough to her that she will see you as a good sex partner is duplicitous.

2) providing a female with attention and emotional support in hopes of a sexual reward is not only duplicitous but is actually counter productive and belies a deep lack of understanding of what drives female sexual interest.

3) the belief that being nice… a-la treating females with “respect” by protecting them from your own sexual aggression… is how to get sex from a woman is absurd and self defeating.

4) the belief that you should get what you want because you’re good and you deserve it is entitlement wishful thinking at its most unrealistic.

So basically the “nice guy” believes that he should be rewarded with sex for being attentive, supportive and protective toward a female and resents her for not giving him what he wants while pretending to not want it. This is essentially feminized thinking… turn the equation around and imagine a female who believes she should receive attention, support and protection from you without having to ask for it (e.g. you offer her a relationship) because she gives you sex while pretending that she does not want anything “serious”.

This is the female equivalent of the nice guy… a lieing gold digger. She’s not the casual sex friend that she’s pretending to be, she’s angling for a free house and half your stuff. Could you honestly call this kind of girl a mere f~~~ buddy and believe she’s really happy only giving you what you want? Only if you’re totally delusional. So how do you expect the female to believe that you are truly her friend when, in reality, you’re angling for a piece of her ass and she knows it?

The irony here is that gold diggers can succeed because most men are too dumb to realize they’re being had… but most females can see through the nice guy’s ruse and know he wants sex… so she absorbs as much of his time, money and attention as she can without giving it up and then ditches him for the kind of guy who she really wants to have sex with… a man who is aggressive and direct and knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to take the kind of risks that are required to get it.

Wake up, nice guy. You think you’re clever but its really you who is getting played. The next time you see a female you want to have sex with, go make a pass at her. If she doesn’t give you an enthusiastic yes, move on. Then you can at least be honest with yourself, become more attractive to females and possibly get some sex and then maybe choose to be a real friend to someone you’re not trying to trick into getting f~~~ed.

Now wouldn’t THAT be nice!

The nice guy types are favorite punching bags because they’re pathetic and nobody cares about them. But maybe we should. Even if only for purely selfish reasons, because the nice-guy demographic is prime for bolstering MGTOW, but instead they usually stray to the white knight side, because they have a need that’s not getting met, and they choose the wrong strategy to meet that need.

We can talk about our experiences and our ideals and share those with people who are looking for change in their lives but I firmly believe that you can not go out and try to preach MGTOW values to someone who is still lying to females and themselves in order to try to get unobtainable pussy.

If you’ve got a Nice Guy friend you feel bad for and you want to play the part of the guru savior, then go ahead and expend your breath trying to get him to see the error of his ways, that’s on you. But this whole “sympathy for the nice guy” shtick doesn’t ring true to me. These men are not victims, they are desperate for sex and they’re willing to lie to themselves and to the female objects of their desire in a vain hope of getting some.

Nice guys put THEMSELVES in the “friend zone” and I’m not going to lead a campaign into that territory to try to convince someone that their anger and resentment toward females is their own doing. That’s a sure way to get myself attacked. Trust me, I know one of these guys and he can get vicious when confronted with his own blue pill stupidity.

In other words, I’m no Morpheus and I don’t want to be. You know some potential Neo who is looking for the red pill, you go proffer it to him. As for me, I’m staying as far away from the machine world as I can. Let them find us and come to us of their own volition, I say.

It’s not like MGTOW values are hidden on frozen mountain tops or anything. They will find and embrace MGTOW when they are ready and not a moment sooner.

In reality, we ought to care because they’re fellow human beings in pain. And the pain isn’t usually their fault. The problem is that they were born with an overwhelming evolutionary urge, and didn’t get the proper guidance (as adolescents) that they should have gotten on how to deal with it. There are ways to do better, but they’re never even discussed, because the “victims” are mostly marginalized and nobody else cares enough to speak up on their behalf.

They are not victims, they are adult men of free will, responsible for their own actions and choices to lie to females and to themselves in the hopes of being granted sex that they are too afraid to ask for directly. They have made their beds and now they must sleep in them… alone.

By the way, do you want another man’s sympathy? Would you feel happy to know that I feel sorry for you for being a self-deluded fool? Will you accept my help in showing you how to get over this delusion? I should think not.

And I’m not talking about “recruiting”, in the conventional sense. I don’t think MGTOWs should go out and find these people and say “hey, Mr. Nice Guy, I think you’d like MGTOW, go check it out”. Instead, MGTOWs should consider these guys as a natural potential constituency (the same way they would consider, say, men who have been through bad divorces), and act accordingly. Then, when those guys DO find MGTOW, whenever and however that happens, they will feel like they are among fellow travelers…and not called manginas and slandered in the same way that feminists slander them.

BTW, you keep saying that nice guys “lie to females”, what do you mean by that?