That being said ….. you could be surrounded by wife and kids … with you 24/7 and then …. bang …. she and they have gone.

You see being voluntarily alone is one thing, being abandoned is another.

Men by nature are solitary. We are drawn to the wilds. It is social construction that we live in a pack. That’s what women do.

It seems to me that you have been conditioned to feel wanted and valued within a hurd …. that’s how ‘they’ want you.

Become at peace with yourself and you will find you’re not lonely but rather independent and self sufficient.

” I used to worry that the worst thing would be to end up alone. I was wrong. The worst thing is to end up with people that make me feel alone”

I wouldn’t fear ending up alone.  Many of the elderly are without families — many are widows and widowers and have kids they see only a few times a year — you may end up alone even with a spouse or live-in woman.  I will confess, I’m somewhat of a loner, but even if you’re more social, you can make friends and do activities with other bachelors or platonic girlfriends — and later, move to a retirement community.  You’ll also have more FREEDOM in who you associate with, instead of having to visit in-laws and the wife’s friends your despise.   You will likely retire earlier and have more time for leisure than if you have a family.  You will not have to compromise about where to live, what kind of work to do, vacations, when to retire, how to spend money, etc.

My state is happiness; I do what I want, when I want.  Some might call it irresponsible to not have the wife and kids, but plenty of others are reproducing — it’s not like your decision means the end of humankind or a culture.  I don’t see an imperative to continue part of my genes or as a real way to achieve some sort of immortality, when they will be diluted anyway after a couple generations.  I’d probably have more influence on the next generation if I was a teacher, writer, or youth leader, than if I had children.

I also think there are some misconceptions about bachelors; I’ve had sex with only 2 different women in my entire life, whereas the perception is bachelors are players.  I see nothing wrong with players if they are upfront, though.  By the time you’re my age, marriage is completely out of the question on the simple grounds of economics; I’ve worked in a professional field for 23 years and saved most of my income… Marrying some divorcee or spinster would be foolhardy.

I don’t think kids are for everyone, if you can’t support them and provide a loving home, and teach them work ethic I don’t think it’s a good idea to have them.  I also don’t think it’s a good idea to have them if YOU won’t enjoy parenthood.  Also, if you want kids and have enough money, I see nothing wrong with having them alone.

I don’t know if there’s ‘programming’, but certainly, an ‘expectation’ to find a ‘good’ man/woman and have children.  I don’t think this expectation that you produce grandchildren is healthy; albeit, at my age, my Mother isn’t talking about grandkids but still wants a ‘good woman’ for me.  Fortunately my brother has offspring so that helps avoid concerns about grandkids.