After 4 yrs back and forth to the family courts re: contact with my kids, this week I got a prohibitive steps order against my ex who was seeking to take my kids out of the country but was refusing to disclose where they were going. She was ordered repeatedly by the courts but kept refusing to give the details until this week she had her passport seized by order of the high courts.

Of course she has blamed me and my solicitor for her actions and has now made a whole heap of fresh allegations with the help of her friend in social services who can be proven to be lying by her other reports and documented court papers etc. My ex has also now said (again) that my kids don’t want to see me, although since last seeing them ( 2 weeks ago) she wrote in a statement that they enjoy seeing me one day on alternate weekends. Clearly they have been told that I stopped their holiday although it was their mothers actions to blame alone.

In light of the above and the fact that the judge is to be asked upon the recommendation of cafcass (like social services) to consider putting me on a DV course although there is no history of DV whatsoever from me to her and I have not been with her for 5 years (in fact I was identified as being at very high risk from her by the Police) do you think its wrong for me to throw in the towel and just wait till the kids are older?

Dude, I don’t know what to say, except this: if you do throw the towel, I, for one, would understand. I am not married, neither I have any kids, and stories like yours is what made me change my mind on that regard.

I am hoping someone have more solid advice for you, but I would like to give you some support.

Good luck my friend

My case was sort of similar and I ended up in the high court after my ex abducted my daughter.

Hight court ordered Tipstaff to go get her.

If you throw the towel, will she up and go? That could be the end of your kids. Can you live with that?

If you fight you may fail and the we have the above result.

You may win and all will be good … sort of. She will still be a bitch … but one that has now lost. She is bound to still mess with you.

How old are your kids? This will gave a big impact. Can you string the legal s~~~ out until they are of age?

I so feel for you. It’s bring back bad memories.

I’m at the start of your path now and won’t say too much but have a wife and son from overseas and always hoped to get custody when he is a little older.

But recently for the past month or so have been thinking about throwing in the towel too and letting her have him. Partly because the fight would be very messy and damaging for everyone and partly because I secretly think (blue pill?) that she’s better at caring and “being a mother” than me. He see’s me as rough playtime and outdoors time, he always runs to his mum if he hurts himself or gets scared etc.

I’m sorry to hear of you situation, it must be very very draining for you and your kids. It might be a very s~~~ty thing to do but if you let them go now you could work on improving yourself and your own life and then make up for it when they are older? Your wife will say all sorts of lies and allegations and probably encouraged to do so by social services.

Hopefully some more experienced guys will be able to advise. Keep posting on here, I’ll keep checking.

Good luck at court tomorrow.

The Hague Convention.

Basically some countries signed up to it so that if a child is abducted and taken overseas without permission they can be brought back to place of birth.

My wife’s country haven’t signed up to it so I have had no choice but to hide his passport.

Thanks also Iliveagain, it was tipstaff who went and seized the passports in this case too.

Its yet to be seen whether their passports are released tomorrow. The accusations have been thrown in at this point as a diversion tactic I’m sure. What irks me the most is that I rang CAFCASS and told them they have made recommendations without my input and that there info is provably wrong (offering them the same, they declined at this point). They have made amendments to their initial report last week wherein it was clearly stated that my ex was guilty of physical abuse to the children and went on a course for this. Today the report says that info should be disregarded and is full of so many provably false statements and recommends no contact until yet another S7 (wishes and feelings) report is made (although another cafcass worker said just 2 weeks ago in a report there have been enough s7 & s37 reports done already). When continually faced with corrupt social workers who rarely get punished for their lies even when proved in court, it makes it seem its time to give up. They are basically rehashing old allegations that my ex withdrew after trial and on the basis of which the judge ruled that there was no findings and no admissions made (a positive I would have thought).

There have been court dates repeatedly unattended and pushed back due to my ex’s non attendance and I feel even if a court order is again made it will again be breached. My kids are 10 and 6 yrs old so after 4 yrs I’m not sure how much longer it can be strung out

I wish you all the best if you do decide to try and get your son likewise.

Just be careful with your own mental state. A stable happy functioning Dad is worth a lot more than, well you know.

Hopefully you can talk to someone about how you are doing in real life too. Maybe even a counsellor just to help keep you strong and focused.

My ex also missed court dates. Stopped court ordered contacts.

Cafcass were on her side all the time. My ex started thinking that everone was for her … and she was right to a point.

However, I started pointing out that she was in actual fact … being in contempt of court …. as was laughing at the crown while being abetted by the very same.

The judge ‘eventually’ attached power of arrest to all broken orders and that the point where my ex ran away.

So it might be that if you can manage to drag this out ….. she might snap.

I also represented myself and knew my case inside out.

They can’t do that. They have other side to deal with.

Also they have to send you everything and in good time for you to represent.

By doing this you are also bound to ask the court for guidence. This puts the judge on a much more even keel. This is because as a lay person, the court must guide you on legality but must also put in ‘normal speak’.

You could do all this and keep kicking down the road until she snaps or kids are of age.

But he’s getting tired. It is mentally and physically exausting dealing with this level of stress.
Do not think you’re a bad person to throw in the towel.
Fight for your kids to the point it becomes unbearable, than stop fighting without regrets.

The men here understand. Do what you can, and do the amount You can live with.