I am in my mid 30s and have a son who is in grade school.  I had the typical bad marriage, and married too young, but I really, really, really wanted to have a happy little family.  In truth, back then I equated marriage and a good relationship with being happy.  I know how untrue this is now.  While I am not swearing off women, I discovered that my mentality twelve years ago was because I was not fully happy with myself.  I am sure you all can understand what I am saying without me having to explain it in greater detail.  Basically, trying to find a woman as a proxy to have a happy life when I was not fully happy with myself.

The marriage was a pure disaster.  She bit me (!!!) twice…first time she was arrested, and hauled off to jail…but then got out of jail immediately after being booked.  The second time she was in the slammer for the night.  Guess who got custody of the child?  My attorney told me since she was a SAHM and due to the judges we had, I should try to settle and cut the best deal I can.  I dont really want to go on a tirade about child support, but it is way out of whack with what expenses are, and it basically allows her to not pay anything out of her pocket.  I guess if there is a silver lining, she is thrifty and does not waste money on material things for her.

I almost got married after the divorce, but there was something in my mind telling me to stop. The harder I tried to drown that out, the louder the voice got.  It was a very strange feeling, basically trying to hard to resist those thoughts telling me to stop, but I did.  Since then (about 2 yrs) I have dated some, got laid some, but it isnt really that high of a priority.  I feel a little bad since I sort of sabatoged relationships after it got sexual, but I really have not taken any relationship with any woman very seriously.  Plus, I have more important things to worry about, like my son.

Right now, I have lots of hobbies and interests, and I am a happy person.  Curious if anyone here can relate to my background, and if anyone has done the sabatoging with relationships with women.  For what it is worth, the last woman I was with had two kids, and while the kids didnt really bother me that much (dad was out of the picture) I knew I would have felt guilty diluting my time with my son with her kids, if that makes any sense.

I am not bitter regarding the marriage since I love being a father, and also my bad marriage kept me from doing other stupid things with women, such as marrying the wrong one again or wanting  a relationship just to have one.  Not sure if this is normal, but I am still bitter about the court system with divorced and child custody.  It still is highly, highly biased.  And, also I think this sounds terrible (and a bit OT with this introductory post) and shallow, but women also age much worse than men…not sure if I even want a 50 or 40 year old woman with me when I am 50.

You’re in the right place. Just be calm.

You’ve realised what a burden are most modern women for a man.

Be who you are, be happy and continue your life with dignity. That’s all, that is basically all.

And welcome again!

You mentioned that you felt you sabotaged relationships after th er y got sexual.  This is not the case. Most of the guys here with experience will tell you that after all the cloud 9 sex and warm feels are done in a few months or even years if you don’t showobsessive commitment to a woman the relationship goes to sh*t. Women try to fix this by getting married so they can get something out of it while the guy subconsciously realizes there really isn’t much left in the relationship that he needs. This doesn’t make the woman a whorw. It makes her unnecessary and this p~~~es women off. The relationship naturally collapses because of this so it may to be your fault but that’s for you to decide.

Look forward to your participation on this forum. All the “whining” you see is just collective male bonding through angry banter and witty defamation of an overly femininized society. It’s the best part. 🙂

Who us?

That can’t be right …. well … it might be for the other here … oh they can whine … like you wouldn’t believe.

Me … no … not me … NEVER  whine.

Ask the others … they’ll tell you I’m not ?

Welcome … and come join the madness.

With respect to whining: Some famous US Army General said words to the effect that if the troops are griping that means they are happy; it’s when they stop griping that we need to worry.

I have a similar background, left my wife after 17 years and 2 children for several reasons, amost immediately got hooked on a new woman that turned out to be even worse…been riding the c~~~ carousel like a true whore. Saved by this site now living alone with my kids every other week.

Muricanguy0 wrote:

I had the typical bad marriage, and married too young, but I really, really, really wanted to have a happy little family.  In truth, back then I equated marriage and a good relationship with being happy.

This sounds just like me. The sad part is that men are generally honest about this and want a marriage and kids to complement their life. Women, on the other hand want them so they can OWN you and your kids.

Muricanguy0 wrote:

I feel a little bad since I sort of sabatoged relationships after it got sexual, but I really have not taken any relationship with any woman very seriously.

You should feel good instead, because this means that your big brain is finally stronger than your small brain, and you have automatic self defense systems built in. That is great. Just think of it as your senses telling you to turn off the hot water when the jacuzzi gets too hot, so you don’t get burned.