Woew boy!  Nice of you to come.  Now that you are here, let me trade your wad of cash in for a tray of chips.  Take a seat.  Let me introduce you to your opponent.  Nice t~~~ eh?  She’s also got a pussy, but before you can use that you both have to sign a contract.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  You both sign the same contract.  You don’t have a problem with that do you?  Besides we can’t even start the game unless you both sign.  Actually I notice that she has already signed….so all we need is your John Doe right there.  Oh yes, and the umpire (that your opponent has already selected) will hold on to the contract so don’t worry, Okay?

This is called 50/50 Poker.   No limit.  What you have to do first is anti-up and then you get your first two cards.  How much do you want to start with?  Ah yes?  I see that you have just noticed that your opponent doesn’t have any chips and hasn’t anti-ed up.  She doesn’t have to anti-up just yet.  She said her father or her family paid for the table so that’s her contribution.  And since you signed the contract you’ll get a little pussy later on.  That’s a lot isn’t it?   Do you see any problem with that?  Great, then let’s move on.

Now here are the rules.  There is a 50/50 chance that you can win.  For the first two or three rounds are for fun so that you get used to the system, the winnings stay in the pot, until the pot is really worth something.  It’s sort of like building up a family of chips.  You know, like a house, a car, a garden and a couple of kids?  Then the fourth round is really, really exciting.  Remember it’s 50/50.  You have exactly 50% chance of surviving to the next round.  If you win the hand, the chips all stay in the pot.  The pot gets bigger and bigger and you move on to the next round.  Sometimes the pot gets so big it’s like the family of chips resembles a huge family plus savings, investments, business, 401k, and retirement plan.  Really exciting, Eh?

Now the flip side of this is if your opponent wins the hand she takes virtually all the pot.  However, she is obliged to leave you enough to anti-up for the next round or get a taxi home.  It’s not as though you get absolutely nothing?  She can take her chips and turn them into cash, or she can go on to another table and play against another sucker opponent.

No, no, no.  It’s entirely fair.  You can’t grumble.  Remember you signed a contract.  The umpire there said it was fair.  You can’t complain.  Remember, you said you would go to the game if you were invited.  You could have stayed home and held on to your wad of cash.  And you knew the rules when you signed the contract.  You could have stopped playing at any time, but you would have had to pay a penalty of half of everything you brought to the game.  Well I’m sorry you don’t like the game but that’s the way it is.

Both comments are great.  Both very funny.  Both of them gave me a chuckle.